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 Well, not so much fun and leisure as...get some damn writing done, you fool! |
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A while ago, I attended a writers' workshop and the lady who hosted it told us all to go away with this bit of advice - to write for just ten minutes a day. I was determined to go ahead with it and I did...for two days. So today I remembered that I'd resolved to do so and I whipped out my journal and wrote for fifteen minutes. I'm typing out pretty much the same thing that I wrote earlier, with some differences. I find I can go a lot more in-depth when I'm typing than when I'm writing by hand. Writing by hand is such a chore! I've struggled with loneliness a lot throughout my twenty-nine years. I struggled with it when I was the only one home with my mum when I was a teen and everybody else had other places to be. I struggled with it after marriage and when we moved into our own house for the first time. I struggled with it after my son was born and I felt torn between pursuing my writing and being a good mum, because my culture seems to indicate that a woman has absolutely no chance of living her own life - or at least, she has no chance of attaining any goals she hasn't already attained - once she has children. I feel it occasionally still, even though I get so little time to myself nowadays that any alone time is simply awesome. I've tried to come to terms with the idea that being alone isn't a bad thing - and a lot of the time, it isn't. My friends don't live nearby so I don't get to see them often, and even when I do, I feel like there isn't much depth to our conversations. I'm surrounded by people who do not think like me, who do not share any of my interests and hobbies. I feel like I've become desensitised to isolation. Loneliness is my preferred way to be. I walked into my college cafeteria at lunch today and it was the usual hubbub of activity. Youngsters walking around, chatting animatedly, shouting across the room, laughing, eating, socialising. I could recall how that clamour wouldn't have bothered me ten-twelve years ago, when I would have been one of the youngsters talking excitedly with her friends. But, as this moment, I just found an out-of-the-way little table and sat down. I watched the crowds for a while, wondering why it was only at moments like these that the sense of isolation became so strong. In the middle of a crowd, I feel most alone. |
| 12:09 Before I was bogged down with a child, I used to write well into the night. I tried during the day but the feeling was never the same. Of course, a child disrupts one's routine quite thoroughly so for the past three and some years, I've not been writing as regularly as I should and I tried (very badly and without much effort) not to stay awake too late at night. I'm still most motivated at night, but that might just be because I feel that that's the only time I really get to myself. But I guess there's just something about nighttime which sparks creativity in me. It's so quiet and (mostly) still. I feel like I'm alone and can let myself go for a bit. I try to get some writing done during the day, when my son is napping, but there's always something or other to do around the house so those opportunities just pass by. I've tried to write when my son is here with me, but that's impossible! Every two seconds, I have to divert my attention to yell at him to not do something or to put something down  Kids! They drive you up the wall! Besides, I don't generally write well during the day. It feels too lively lol. As to the last question on the prompt - what do I do to motivate myself during the slumps? - when it's daytime and I'm not feeling very productive, it's not a slump as much as it is just a desire to reach evening time so I can put my son to bed and get on with my life. I feel like a couch potato when I'm a mom. 12:23 Yippee! ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** |
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