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 Well, not so much fun and leisure as...get some damn writing done, you fool! |
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A while ago, I attended a writers' workshop and the lady who hosted it told us all to go away with this bit of advice - to write for just ten minutes a day. I was determined to go ahead with it and I did...for two days. So today I remembered that I'd resolved to do so and I whipped out my journal and wrote for fifteen minutes. I'm typing out pretty much the same thing that I wrote earlier, with some differences. I find I can go a lot more in-depth when I'm typing than when I'm writing by hand. Writing by hand is such a chore! I've struggled with loneliness a lot throughout my twenty-nine years. I struggled with it when I was the only one home with my mum when I was a teen and everybody else had other places to be. I struggled with it after marriage and when we moved into our own house for the first time. I struggled with it after my son was born and I felt torn between pursuing my writing and being a good mum, because my culture seems to indicate that a woman has absolutely no chance of living her own life - or at least, she has no chance of attaining any goals she hasn't already attained - once she has children. I feel it occasionally still, even though I get so little time to myself nowadays that any alone time is simply awesome. I've tried to come to terms with the idea that being alone isn't a bad thing - and a lot of the time, it isn't. My friends don't live nearby so I don't get to see them often, and even when I do, I feel like there isn't much depth to our conversations. I'm surrounded by people who do not think like me, who do not share any of my interests and hobbies. I feel like I've become desensitised to isolation. Loneliness is my preferred way to be. I walked into my college cafeteria at lunch today and it was the usual hubbub of activity. Youngsters walking around, chatting animatedly, shouting across the room, laughing, eating, socialising. I could recall how that clamour wouldn't have bothered me ten-twelve years ago, when I would have been one of the youngsters talking excitedly with her friends. But, as this moment, I just found an out-of-the-way little table and sat down. I watched the crowds for a while, wondering why it was only at moments like these that the sense of isolation became so strong. In the middle of a crowd, I feel most alone. |
| 17:18 I feel really lazy today. It just hasn't been a good, productive day. Ramadan starts tomorrow and, in order to save myself some time when it comes to closing the fasts, I made like 18 parathas and froze them. I have no idea whether I'll be able to separate them since they'll be rock solid when I get them out, but I'll see what I can do at that point. My week hasn't been particularly boring or exciting. On Monday I...can't even remember what I did. I went to college on Tuesday. Wednesday, I went to see Endgame  , Thursday I went to help a friend who was standing in her local elections (I say "help" but I was just sat around talking to her mum for two-three hours) and then I spent like seven more hours after that chilling out at another friend's house, and on Friday I had the whole day at home but still managed to do nothing - in fact, I stayed up watching Netflix too long and lost some valuable sleep time as a result, which I am still trying to make up for. Yesterday, I did some babysitting for this lady I know and played cricket with a little boy and lazed around at my mum's house. As you can see, I do a fair bit of lazing around. Even in the midst of writing this blog, I lose interest and start playing with my cat, which is why I always have such short entries despite taking so much time. As for the coming week, I hope to finish a short story for the Rockin' Reviewers contest and look over my poem for their poetry contest too. Aside from that, I'm getting back into writing fanfiction, only to help me get into the flow of writing, and I must say that I have changed as a writer over these past couple of years. Before, my fanfiction was a sprawling mess with no end in sight, but now I'm thinking about how it's going to end, the events that will transpire within it, and the pace at which I want the story to flow. I guess finishing my novel last year really helped me to focus! I'm looking forward to seeing what kind of a story it will be. And that's nineteen minutes! Peace out! ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** |
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