%%USERNAME%%    %%ACCWORDS%% %%ONOFF%% |
 |  Blog and other works of literary sense |
| Here is a collection of ruminations and whatnot. |
| I'm still up. I had a bad bad bad day today. Very sad day for me. I felt so ill that I had to go and take refuge in my bed. I felt so sad that I cried so very bitterly. I thought that those bastards were finally going to succeed in making me die. I fell asleep after a while and then after a few hours, I awoke and got up. I made something to eat and had that. I was grateful for the cigs that I received from my stepfather who stopped by the grocery (I guess, I don't know) and then I now have been working on some things. I'm still unsure about what to do about writing. I fear that if I wrote it would be murder for me. I do not wish to do this for now. I might type a few things but I cannot do it yet. I've sent some newsletters to some people and now I'll be at least caught up with it. I think that if I could hang on till the next paycheck from Social Security that I can at least be able to pay some bills. The tax bill was rejected (the check I sent them by mail) due to insufficient funds. I know that there were funds but I had spent money on other things. I have to pay them the returned check and then I have to pay the regular bill too this month. I am also going to have to help my stepfather with one bill he asked me to help him with. I might be able to save a few dollars but I think I might have to be careful so as not to be caught broke in between paychecks. I'm trying to find a job but that is a difficult thing. I applied to some places in the US and in Paris. I do not know if I ever will get to move to Paris now. I have been depressed about it. I feel as though I may have to stay here for a while unless I get any word on what is going to happen to me - I am depending on God to make up His mind where He wants me to go. I cannot be too sure about moving to Paris anyway. Or even anywhere else. There are so many things that I might have to consider moving to a foreign country. I cannot seem to think much about moving to England. I know that Colin wants me to go there someday to be part of his life. I hope that Colin won't suffer too much for his love for me. I have been learning some French you know that already. I will try to see if I can do more with it. I've thought of converting to Islam but I do not know that is going to be practical. I think this idea was something that might have been something that was not from God but I will try to see how else I can manage with my faith. I cannot always be Catholic I have left the Church since 2017. I think that being Catholic had given me such a grounding in a few things and some of those things have turned out to be rubbish. I wish to be rid of this idea that suffering is something that people have to endure to help some other sod to get out of their hole. I wish to be happy and I am ok enough and do not wish to be always so bubbly. I am not a bubbly sort but I do think with Colin we get on so much better together because he and love each other so very much. I hope that he still will be ok with what he wants to do if we ever get to be together. We were married in 1978 and we had to part ways agreeing that we will be together again someday. I know that this was his decision but I wish we did stay together but he hated my stepmother and she wanted him to die. I wish she were never my stepmother. I want to be at least able to meet my biological mother and father. i know they are so very out of reach and I do not even know if they know that I exist. My birth name was Ione and I do not know whether they even remember me. I must go now. I have to find something to keep me up tonight. I wish to do more of the things that are pleasing to my God but sometimes it is hard to do. I want to be a good girl. I want to do good things. I want to help people. I do notknow how best to do it. I do wish to blog and do that sort of thing. I've had some of my blogs on video. My Lularoe thing is as usual. I've got some videos uploaded and some have been looking at them. I need to get a sturdier whatsit to holdup the clothes otherwise they would topple over and that will not be good. I've kept the clothes safe away from the bad thoughts that are here in this house. This house is so very sad looking. Some people have gossiped so much about how bad it is here. I think that they are trying to dissuade people from buying something from me. I have no sales from any place. I have not sold a book but for that erotica one. I do not know what to do about it. I've said before that why do I need to write books when they are published nobody buys them? I do wish to write but I think I will write whenever there is a moment to do it but I am always guarded by these bastards and they will make me die if I wrote something at all. I am not happy with this life that is a writer's life. Do all writers have this problem? I cannot say that they are all able to write the way they want. Some of them give into the temptation of putting something on a page that is not good or is full of bastard stuff. I have a wish to go find some wine. I have a few more milliliters of Ouzao but I cannot say that I can buy anymore wine. The stores here are so alert at my being there and they know when I buy anything that will give me good thoughts. They want to decline my card and so I cannot buy what I really wish to buy. Even if I have money. Sometime back I couldn't even buy gasoline for the car. They all declined my card. I wanted to see if I could ask for donations but my GoFundMe isn't moving/ People there are also guarded. Everything that I go into is guarded by the bastards. I wish to ask You to help with my life. I wish to be still doing good things. To do work. I am thinking that if I had a regular job that i could at least be counted among the people who are doing something for the country - at least taxes. My social security isn't taxed you see. I hope to go and do something usefu;. I've washed a few dishes. I might try to sell something other than LLR. I could go into Norwex but that might incur some more expenses. I am so unhappy about this. But if I do sell Norwex that could generate more income, what do you think? I have a budget put together but I might be unable to get enough money to invest in a Norwext business. Please ask some people to do something to make my life free from this bastard who is Queen Elizabeth II who has spent all the money she could get her hands on to pay more people to kill me here. I remember that when I placed myself in Beirut the other day that a huge bomb went on off there. I cant' say that this was due to my being in Beirut in some spiritual way. I want Beirut to be happy. I want to do good things anywhere that God wants me to live. Love, Mary |
 Log in to Leave Feedback |
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
