Journal of a Spaced-Out Brain

(E)
Poetry most recently written.
#2035077 by Rhychus

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10 Most Recent Blog Comments:

Dec 17, 2023 at 5:42pm
In response to "Hindsight"

If Christianity is true, would you like to know?

Dec 17, 2023 at 12:58am
In response to "Hindsight"

My body will feed the worms; my soul will return to its Source.

I'm not Christian so I look at things differently than most folks here at WDC.

Nov 19, 2023 at 9:09am
In response to "Temptation"

Wonderful rhythm and rhyme. It rolls... And yes, spiders need to eat too. They know where to dine... or they starve.

Oct 29, 2023 at 1:19am
In response to "Kidder"

I really like this as is but I share some thoughts:

Now go the hell away. Very good use of this line. I'd make it the title unless a specific event or place comes to mind. Like "Workshop, May 32nd, Highway-to-Hell, Nevada".

I'd find active verbs for each use of 'is' and replace each 'the'. Like "May's sky screams blue; Spring's sea blooms green". This provides a season and action, sound, something.

Could use a grammar check unless you like it as is. Grammar is less important in poetry; this isn't an essay. For a definite pause (like for rhythm) you can use an emdash instead of a comma like: "I kid you not — nature's obscene,"

To add "darkness" to it... this is that season...

Explorers with lost souls explore,
Search worlds they've never searched before,
They'll kid you not — forevermore,
Now go the hell away.

Aug 11, 2023 at 12:30pm
In response to "The Lighthouse of Whispers"

Whispers the names of all that suffered because of one's bad choices so that pain is returned.

Aug 11, 2023 at 12:25pm
In response to "The Lighthouse of Whispers"

How about the lighthouse whispers the names of all people who die as a result of one's bad choices in life?

Jul 30, 2023 at 1:52am
In response to "Salvaged?"

"Thus" and "only to" seem heavy, maybe 'let' as well. Too prosaic. Possibly like this:

the less I say,
the less I chance,
appearing weak —

predators investigate,
reveal themselves,
learn of my strength —

the hard way

Just a thought. I've been thought of as 'weak'. They forgot about my fangs.

Jul 30, 2023 at 1:45am
In response to "Synthetic Motives"

The 8/8/8 flows nicely but my ear wants a 3 syllable last line, maybe one that (almost) rhymes with flesh. Like Brain Rot Death.

Jun 23, 2023 at 3:23pm
In response to "I dabble in babble."

lol... My jail has bars of irony.

Jun 23, 2023 at 3:12pm
In response to "Safe from the fire below"

Thank you for your excellent suggestions. They allowed me to make corrections in form that I may use in situations going forward.

August 30, 2020 at 9:35pm

#991914

Steak night

Okay I'm back from having myself a huge Porter House steak and I handled it pretty well I think pretty waitresses beautiful wife and the weather was almost perfect Pleasant 76° not too many things to go wrong we got a bit of a late start but that's alright if you don't get up before noon everything's a late start smackDown I have to change my handle a late start hey have a good one

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August 25, 2020 at 11:08am

#991547

Infinity

infinity to time
begin rhyme
time to years
tears and cheers
years to days
no delays
days to hours
mankind towers
hours to minutes
know no limits
minutes to seconds
duty beckons
segment in tenths
fast events
a million billion
infinite splits
time to infinity
eternal divinity

FOLDER

(E)
Poetry most recently written.
#2035077 by Rhychus

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August 24, 2020 at 12:52pm

#991487

Glad You Came

Hello, I'm glad you came
Blame fate for this wicked game
Jake is my middle name
I claim love to be my fame

You have a lovely frame
It's a shame my body's lame
Though I'm too old to tame
My flame burns bright just the same

You are a lovely dame
Now my aim's for full exclaim
And state without disclaim
I still feel so glad you came

FOLDER

(E)
Poetry most recently written.
#2035077 by Rhychus

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August 22, 2020 at 6:38pm

#991369

Clocks

Clocks no longer tick
but they still keep time
Poets no longer write
using meter or rhyme
The young have fun
while their elders recline.
Friends get together
but not friends of mine.
There's no one here
left to reminisce.
No one wants a dog
if he smells like piss.
A life spent running
away from it all
can only be saved
if they happen to fall.

FOLDER

(E)
Poetry most recently written.
#2035077 by Rhychus

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August 22, 2020 at 5:51pm

#991366

Haiku Practice

chick inside an egg
struggles until free to grow
a freshman poet

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August 22, 2020 at 2:38pm

#991360

Fun and Games

Retorical question of the Day

What rhymes with diarrhea?

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August 20, 2020 at 9:52pm

#991254

The Sound of my Pissing

I can't hear her over the sound of my pissing,
So, I don't know what it is that I'm missing,
I hope she'll not think her I'm dissing,
I just can't hear over the sound of my pissing.

FOLDER