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Psalm 90:10, "The length of our days is seventy years—or eighty if we are strong.... |
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Three Score and Ten the Introduction, Well here we go, After 50 years I am going to take another attempt at writing. The first time was the Palmer writers correspondence school in 1969. The writing will be not a book that will be written with the idea of being published, But will be a writing of thoughts unencumbered by possible publishing and monetary gain. This writing will be a hybrid of Journal and Reminisce. It is important to me that the writings are my true thoughts at the time, not influenced by any factor. The writing will try to explain how a 70 year old white, male USA citizen now relates to today's world. Is every oldest generation lost in their own world, that they aged into? What do I see, and feel as I age farther. I know I am not normal as in what this world today would consider normal. But I hope I am in the ball park writing the thoughts of a 70 year old. I hope for you to learn to know who I am, As I search for Who I am at 70+ This work will carry on until I am no longer able to think or write. This will be done on a nearly daily writing interwoven with a life's reminiscing. This writing has been in the planning for 10 plus years. and I have now made it to this starting point. This writing is dedicated to My Wife The Kitten, My family, My grand children, Lukas, Levi, Luis, Lydia and Sonora Pearl. I thank you God that you have allowed me to have your Three Score and Ten Time. |
| It is late on day 66. but I want to finish my thoughts regarding day 64 after thinking about it for two days. I have come to a important realization that I want to reveal to you. Does this thought make sense? I spent twenty five plus years with near round the clock stress, seven days a week. I did not fish or have any toys. I was married too Dairy farming then a retail horticulture business. There was no time for fun and games. I was an self employed at 22 then later with employees. It was my job to count pennies, to pay the bills. But I was young with a lot of ambition and drive. I was able to leave the horticulture business in 1995. Now to today, I have a brother up north that lives two miles from our compound there. We are close, less ten months apart in age. We are like twins and I think the world of him, may I say I love him. But we are direct opposites in our personalities. He is much more extroverted then I, Every bodies buddy, a real people person. So much so I feel that neighbors take advantage of him. I see him when ever we go to the North Woods, We fish and visit. He is not married, No dog or cat. He has a lot of good qualities, but he is very loose with money and purchases of large things that I could not, would not touch. He is able to laugh off any bad purchase or circumstance. And sometimes that bothers me, not that I an coveting anything he has, but I wonder why it it so hard for me to go ahead and spend or converse with others. What is wrong with me? I was very troubled last time I returned from the north After giving this question a lot of thought it came to me in the dark of night. The problem is Stress. I lived under stress so long that it is like touching a Hot Stove. I have subconsciously learned not to touch the stress, I automatically pull away. I subconsciously since 1995 make decisions based on how stressful I think they will be in the future. If you put stress on a 1-100 scale, my Desires, and Needs need to rate higher on the 1-100 scale then the stress is rated. Lets say I rated stress at 60 the rating of a desirable want is 40. Then subconsciously the desire will be a no go. Subconsciously I have learned to avoid negative unrewarded stress. It is not just things but people and events also, If I feel they are too stressful I try to avoid the circumstance or person. It is a automatic reaction, not a thinking individual thought. A good example is a Four wheeler with a trailer, Nice to have. I would use it for Ice fishing and at the farm I still have part of. On the scale of desirability let's say it is 50, As I would use it here for ice fishing a few times a year, take it to the farm a couple times as year. The down stressful side is, Maintenance, A place to store it, The cost of the Four wheeler and trailer, Legal requirements, Floats for Ice Fishing needed at this location, The stress of shopping and buying. My stress rating will be much higher then 50. The purchase will not be rewarding enough for me to endure the stress of owning it. In the short I do not want to deal with the stress. There is not enough reward. Is this a good way to look at things, shying away from stress, giving everything a stress rating. My brother obviously does not do this, he rolls with the stress. I get stressed easily with Shopping, Driving, Dealing with people I know and do not know well, Making major purchases, Television and telephone. I try too keep things organized, on time and running smoothly to avoid stress. I am not complaining avoiding stress has been rewarding, But can it go too far? I still live in a stressful world and it is not getting any better. |
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