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 |  This is my blog & my hope, writing daily will help me see my progress and log supporters. |
| ........ |
| I have to admit, today I am struggling. In fact, not just today, but for the past week or so. Thoughts of using have come worse than at any time during the last five months. The disappointment and stress caused by the realisation that my trip to Thailand is kaput, not having a single day off being a caregiver for thirty-seven weeks, constant noise from neighbours, aircraft, traffic and barking dogs, is all getting on top of me. I am loath to complain...realising just how fortunate I am to be alive, to live in a country like Australia, where we are spoiled in so many ways. To have my health and financial security...things I do not take for granted. I suppose I should look at things with a better perspective...but in saying that, I should give myself some slack and allow myself to have a bad day. I am looking forward to getting back to my group meetings (they begin again next Tuesday), where I need to talk about this increased urge to use drugs. It is like a pattern...eight weeks is when my resolve to remain sober begins to wane, and my addiction, sensing this weak point, comes in to try to claim me back. I've been told everything about what will happen if I fall. I understand every aspect because I've been down that path more times than I care to remember, but it is of no solace when everything seems to be going wrong, and the only crutch I have ever known is no longer an option. Never mind...I will get through this. I don't want to lose all that I have gained over the past four months. So, I guess I will feel sorry for myself tonight, and in the morning, after a good night's sleep, hopefully, I will shake this feeling off, and get on with it...one day at a time. |
| Every up has a down...every in has an out. The airline, or the travel agent I booked through, emailed me today, and my flight to Thailand in three weeks has been cancelled. That's it...I have fought for this trip, and I have paid the price of wanting an overseas holiday, but now I can't fight anymore. So, after I picked my dummy up off the floor, I realised that it ain't the end of the world and that another closer option was available. The Great Barrier Reef is the only living thing that can be seen with the naked eye from space...but, seen from underneath the water, it is spectacular, and that's where I am now going. Cairns, Kuranda, Port Douglas, the Daintree River and, of course, the reef is a pretty special consolation prize. I don't care what it takes...I need and deserve this holiday. |
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