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Sunflower's Blog
I am Sunflower, and this is my blog--for what it's worth.

The philosophical beachbum journals to public.
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August 4, 2005 at 4:54am
August 4, 2005 at 4:54am
I hate when I try to do something and it doesn't turn out. I think I messed up in the request somehow, so it's just my bad.

Scarlett has been so kind and friendly in our communications, and I haven't read her writing as much as she's read mine, I'm afraid.

So I planned, and filled out a c-note for her.

Unless I'm mistaken, it got delivered to me instead of her. I swear I had the form filled out right. Don't know exactly how to go back and fix it. Will try again when my brain isn't in a tizzy.

In the meantime, Scarlett, if you read this,


I'll be on a better reading schedules soon I hope. Just can't get organized. I'm trying to slaughter the dragons of paper that have taken over my living space. That's an oops too. Oops just happens sometimes. Oh well.
August 1, 2005 at 5:52pm
August 1, 2005 at 5:52pm
My dear cousin, Johnny Paul, passed away in Lubbock Texas on July 29th, 2005. He lived a Christian life of love, and died by his wife's side, in their sleep.

I was fearful of the overwhelming sadness I expected to rule the room at the family service in a little town in Texas called Van Alstyne on Sunday evening. The family was all there, despite the fact that the obituary didn't hit the paper till today. There must have been at least sixty people there.

I have never experience such a celebration of life. A 94 year-old relative came up to my 83 year-old mom and said, "I remember when I used to bounce her on my knee." There were people I'd been the little kid around, and people who were big kids now, that I'd never met. The room was filled with laughter, much more than tears. Tales were told, and memories were relived on the spot. It was beautiful.

I only hope when the next in our family passes, that the atmosphere will be full of as much love as I experienced yesterday. God bless the living and the dearly departed.
July 29, 2005 at 1:44am
July 29, 2005 at 1:44am
There's a lag in education that I seem to keep running in to when I want to learn something new on the computer. It's the same old problem. It's a problem I walked away from probably three months ago. I was ready to learn, and POW, right between the yes. They got me again. I give.

But maybe I've learned a bigger lesson. It has to do with the numbers associated with programs. My problem now is Adobe 7.0 with CS. That's the "Classroom in a Book" version of the Photoshop program I have. I went through lesson one with a class at the community college. I only went to the first class because I have Photoshop 6.0 at home. They don't go together, exactly.

I know one difference between the two programs. 7.0 doesn't have the browser, and that's the first thing the book deals with. I scratched my head and thought for awhile. I surfed the web to see how much a new Photohop would cost. I called a couple of stores to check on prices and availability.

Of course, enough time has passed that Photoshop in the store is now 8.0. I could get 7.0 + CS (which is the Creative Suite. The professor said to get CS if you were going to invest that much money anyhow.) That much money at the store is about $600. Cheeze! Talk about a slap in the face. I wanted to learn. Nobody was gonna have to pull me in off the street, or chain me to the computer or anything. Ready to learn how to learn is about all I am now, plus slightly vexed.

I want to learn this darn thing so I can illustrate my book that I want to have ready for the publisher by October. I see a bit of a setback. I'm liable to procrastinate myself into not getting it done this year. Quick, say a prayer for me.

So, I'm in a quandry. I think I'm going to buy a 6.0 book and tutorial disc, for $25 on E-Bay or $45 at the Borders Bookstore close to me. Except I can't do anything until my replacement credit card gets here. Another problem.

I recently have gone through debt consolidation, which I ought to at least write a short on because I wouldn't have done what I did if I'd known what I know now. I misplaced the one credit card I have left, so there's a new one in the mail but I can't spend till the new number arrives.

One cannot even open up an E-Bay account without a credit card. So, as soon as the new *********** gets here, I'm sure the old card will show up under a pile of papers or under a book. That's just the way my luck has been running. But it's okay. I could be worse off.

I don't think anybody stole it, but I've been warned about an associate in the social circle. Bottom line is, I can't do anything about learning in the way I'd planned right now. In a couple of weeks I may lose my motivation. Maybe not. I procrastinate a lot.

But, I know the numbers of computer programs make a difference. I'll remember that part. I should be able to gloss over the differences, but I'm just in tune enough for that to send me into "don't have a clue" land.

Now, I remember having that problem with Word, except it was the other way around. I had Word 2002, and the schools were teaching 97 or 99. Somehow I got through it. It's just that I didn't need another hurle right now.

So I'll have a plan for two weeks from now, and go back to editing and selecting what I want to put in my book. It's a scarey thing, like an artist with a blank easle. Tomorrow knows.
July 25, 2005 at 2:36am
July 25, 2005 at 2:36am
I've done the math on the dates. It would seem more people might by my book if it comes out before Christmas, and can be given as a Christmas present. I not only want to publish this book, I want to sell it!

I haven't decided on a company yet. A firm in India called www.cyberwit.com has the best price by far, and shipping is not a problem. $700.00 to deliver 200 hardback books to my door. But, I would be listed with Amazon.com/uk. That's not exactly my neighborhood.

American companies charge more for their services, but they also sell promotion packets and materials. I want to be at public book signings in different cities. I have informayion on publishing from: Author House, Vantage Press, Lulu.com, and Infinity Publishing. I sent requests for bids, basically, to two or three other companies too. They offer basically the same stuff for the same price.

Since I want to have "coloring book" pages in my book, I want to draw them, or figure out how to use Photoshop to create what I want. As I'm re-organizing folders tonight, I'm thinking I should get started on some pictures too. Can a person learn Photoshop overnihght? How difficult is it? Maybe I should start tomorrow by opening that book. This is gonna be difficult, but envigorating.

In six weeks, I want to have it together and send it in. The manuscript. Nice ring, don't you think? That should get my book to the public before Christmas.

If I fall behind, I'll just look forward to a 2006@ copyright for my book. Promotion may be at a snail's pace then. Yes, I ought to hurry this up. That would put my self-published book in contention for awards a year earlier. I will hunt down those competitions next, after publishing.

Either way, I'm doing it--now!!! And every day as full time as possible for six weeks. Wish me well on my deadline, I'm not great with them.
July 24, 2005 at 5:19am
July 24, 2005 at 5:19am
It's almost July, and the heat is so oppressive. I prefer to sleep days, and be active nights in this weather. It sounds crazy, but since I'n mot attached to a 9-5 work schedule, the flexiblity can save me yjr misery of getting baked.

Think about it. Rise about 5 pm, and go through the morning wake up routine with coffee and the evening news. Watch some prime time television, then come to the good old workstation computer. It's more quiet to concentrate, and it's easier on the eyes reading the computer screen at night.

I used to enjoy shopping at Walmart, in the middle of the night when only the stock people are working diligently. They sure do make a mess out of the store, because everything to be stocked is put in the aisles first, and they don't particularly leave space for a cart to wheel through. But when you have the whole store, practically to yourself, you don't feel like somebody's going to walk off with your cart.

I've had cart mishaps on two occasions. Bother were my bad. Once, just before I got into the checkout line, I realized that I'd left my checkbook at home. I parked the cart in an out of the way aisle, and hurried home and back, expecting to find the cart where I'd left it. Wouldn't you know, that was the time a conscientious employee decided the cart had been abandoned and started restocking. Didn't finish my shopping that day. Sometimes, you might as well give up. The day is going to win.

Another time, at a regular grocery store, I was having a rather absent-minded day. I had about half a dozen items in my basket, and left it to go to the pharmacy section. When I returned to it, I continued my shopping down the next row. When I put another item in the basket, about three rows later, I realized I didn't have my basket. I'd run off with somebody else's! I was embarrassed, and looked in every cart, going up and down the aisles without my basket, trying to find my original basket, which had been claimed by someone else by then. I never found the person with my cart, so just removed their items, and finished my shopping. I often wonder about the little old lady who must have ended up with my basket. I try to be more careful now.

Shopping in the afternoon now is SO uncomfortable. You get in a hot car, and the air conditioner almost gets the car cool by the time you arrive wherever you're headed. If I wrestle with the visors to get the metallic layered shade in place, I'm sweating by the time I go into the store. You return to a baking interior, with your fresh milk and eggs, which will quickly turn bad. Forget about buying ice cream in the afternoon, unless you eat it immediately.

A lady I worked with once, said she didn't understand why people ever moved to Texas. Just too hot in the summer. But I wonder if the cowboys and Indians dealt with the same amount of heat. Maybe pollution is making the heat worse. It is worse to tolerate heat on an ozone alert day.

So I'm spending the first hours of a new day on the computer, or watering the yard with a flashlight. Yes, I'm different. I can wash dishes and clothes as well in the night, and I'm putting less strain on the electric usage.

When the sun starts to come up, I feed the birds, and settle in for sleep listening to relaxing music. Sometimes, I fall to sleep on the sofa. Other times, I go to the very dark bedroon, with the shades all down, set the thermostat for comfortable with a sheet and nightshirt, and snooze all day long, my loyal doggie "John" on the floor by my side.

The dogs sometimes have a barking fit in the day, but I think I sleep through most of them. I can sleep through those collection calls too. There are advantages to being out of step with the world.

Of course, if you run this schedule without any cohorts, social life is pretty much nill. But for a fews weeks of dealing with the heat on my terms, solo is acceptable--until the weather turns cooler. Who wants to cuddle in sweat anyhow?
July 20, 2005 at 7:36pm
July 20, 2005 at 7:36pm
I'm hoping the worst of my toothache is over with. A root canal is a very expensive venture. Got to keep the tooth for now. There's decay at an old filling under the gun, to pull the gun back and refill some time.

It's amazing what dentists can do, say compared to 100 years ago. If it was bad, you pulled it, or the dentist pulled it.

My mom is 83, and like a damn good horse has all her teeth. She's got a bad tooth, but won't have it pulled. She wants to die with all her teeth. Me, I'm just ready to be able to eat normally again. I see a hamburger in my future. Funny how you really get a taste for something when you can't have it.

AND A HINT as to which desk belongs to a sunflower in Texas: there are lots of papers on my desk, and lots of books on my shelves. There's also a sunflower in view, in the top middle of the picture, sticking out of a top bookcase. Keep guessing. . . .
July 18, 2005 at 11:14pm
July 18, 2005 at 11:14pm
I last attempted to kick my nicotiene habit about a month ago. I made it 6-8 days that time. I didn't smoke at all for six days, and cheated two days. Now, I'm a bit agitated and jumpy. I have a toothache. I have a sick mother. General biorhythm valley. But I smoked my last cigarettes this afternoon. Tomorrow I can say it's been a day. Reminds me of the Eagles song, "Tell us what you're gonna do tonight, tomorrow."

I have a tooth with a dying nerve, emitting gasses in its necrosis, so that it sits a couple of milimeters higher than the surrounding teeth. Chewing hurts. This is a great oppportunity to lose some weight. I can drink healthy and maintain calories. Like some frozen yogurt on the way to Mom's tonight, if they're still open.

As to the mother situation, I'll open a quick new chapter in Daughter-Mother.

July 17, 2005 at 12:03am
July 17, 2005 at 12:03am
As a pack rat, and one who never throws anything away I might possibly need, I have to admit the papers have gotten out of control. I use the pile file method. After the dogs have wagged and nuzzled the papers for a few weeks, everything is everywhere.

So I got a magazine holder rack, and started cleaning up. of course, I know the alphabet, and I have a file cabinet, but I don't use that stategy, or not now. I may eventually have to be more organized, but this method leaves the possibility of every day being Christmas. When I go looking for a paper, I might find anything/ Also, I might find nothing.

But I put the paper shredder to use this evening, and carefully place the shredded paper around my squash plants. It ought to help hold moisture in the ground.

My best squash plant dried up in one day when it didn't get water. But I still have three or four plants. If I can keep the watering up, I'll be having squash in the fall. It's not my favorite vegetable, but it's healthy, and it's been a healthy challenge to keep it growing.
July 16, 2005 at 12:30am
July 16, 2005 at 12:30am
This is the second time this horrible toothache has come on like a boling ball making a strike, whamo, pow-- great pain from nothing in two hours.

Luckily, I have a dentist appointment Monday. I'm scheduled to get my teeth cleaned, under gas. I'm "terrible afeard" of dentist's noise, and dentist inflicted pain. I'm a real pansy about it. I associate anydentist with pain. I've had several gum surgeries. It may all go back to that Alice Cooper song in the 1970s. Effective use of audio for effect!

The pain med isn't helping much. I'd already been to the family doctor for my chloresterol check this morning when this hit. So much for chewing lunch.

My dentist works only half a day on Friday, and it was 4:00 in the afternoon when I decided I needed help now. No help yet. Tooth pain semms to me as one of the worst types. I had a girlfriend 10 years ago that often had a toothache--don't know how she stood it.

I'll go to the pharmacy in the morning with my fingers crossed for luck. I have several very out of date antibiotics I could take, but being out of date the pharmacists told me plainly that it could help, or it could kill me. He is blatently honest, because he doesn't want to get in trouble. I don't want to die and I don't want to hurt. I can't even think about eating now--couldn't chew.

Next thing, my neck's going to start hurting because I'm holding an ice pack on the right side of my face while I type. What a spaz I am ;-( This may be a short evening.

So, brush your teeth, and have a good night's sleep. Pleasant dreams. . . .
July 13, 2005 at 2:45am
July 13, 2005 at 2:45am
Willie Nelson has a new album out. If you buy the record at Walmart, you'll be getting a different product than you'd purchase anywhere else. It's only the outside that's different, but I feel like Willie let me down. He sold out to Walmart. Instead of a marajuana leaf, lovely, and centered and green on the middle of the face of the album, is a green palm tree.

You could take this at least two ways: the way Willie Nelson was thinking, and they way I'm thinking.

So Mr. Nelson already lost about everything but his old beat up guitar because of not paying his taxes when they were due. The government comes and takes your stuff for auction to get the taxes you owe. It's happened to others you wouldn't think would fall into that financial pit of despair. Former Governor John Conally, who was in the limo when President Kennedy was shot, had the government come take his possessions for auction when he hadn't paid his taxes. To be that high socially and financially, and make that very steep fall must be most humbling. I can see being willing to do a lot of bending when one has been in that situation. So I guess you can't hold it against Willie.

But who made Walmart the official censor of the United States? Walmart wouldn't even carry Jon Stewart's book, "America," on its shelves suposedly because of the nude Supreme Court Justices picture included. I don't believe they carry George Carlin books or media. The right wing has a special friend in the stocking of Walmart.

So the big question is which will be more valuable when Willie Nelson dies? Will there be more value in the original or the green-washed Walmart version?

If I didn't have to shop at Walmart for the low prices, I'd make a statement by not giving them any more of my money. But that poses another question. How many of us who shop at Walmart don't approve of Walmart's politics? If you vote this with your money, I don't like the logical conclusion that follows. We'll give up freedom of expression for money.

I thought the line was, "I'll give you this money to shut up." Hush money for Willie Nelson. I can die now--I've seen everything.

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