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Rated: 13+ · Campfire Creative · Novella · Animal · #2033918
On an alternate Earth where animals speak, a Golden Age of the arts and crafts
[Introduction]
During this pre-industrial era on Erda, travel between the western and eastern hemispheres is extremely difficult requiring long dangerous trips across the ocean, so this campfire will only be about the western hemisphere of Erda.

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Book Two takes place in an entirely different era from Book One.

It is a time of relative peace on Erda. In fact, it's a golden age of art and craft.

There are three major geopolitical areas.

The Noman Empire - Located about where our United States and Canada are. Technology is pre-industrial. The dominant species are mammals and birds. The capital city is Nome , located where New Orleans is in our world.

South of the Noman Empire is the Maztec Empire - roughly equivalent to our Mexico and Central America. The dominant species are snakes, serpents, leopards, jaguars, panthers, and brightly-colored birds. The capita city is Tikki Tikki.

South of the Maztec Empire - roughly our South America - is uncharted rain forest occupied by uncivilized tribes of primitive animals.

The focus of this campfire will not be on world war, but instead on the arts and crafts.

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CHARACTERS
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Freebo, fox, art student
Musa, mouse, art student
Duke of Hamm, hog, wealthy patron of the arts
Jack, rabbit, art student
Zzzz, water flea, art student
Timber, beaver, art student
Mr Beetlebrow, weasel, art teacher
Frida Belly, hippopotamus, nude model
Barbara, coatamundi, art student
Nastina McFly, housefly, ancestor of Vile McFly from Book One
Freebo Fox, an art student at Lower Noman School of the Arts, or "Low No" as the kids called it, studied the poster plastered to the wall of the alley.

His royal greatness, the Duke of Hamm, does hereby declare an art competition for all the artists of Nome, both student and professional. The Duke himself shall judge your painting and the winner will receive a handsome purchase prize and the proud knowledge that his painting hangs on a wall in the Duke's villa. All entries must be presented before the end of the month.

Wow! Freebo thought. I could use that money! But I don't have the slightest idea what kind of paintings the Duke likes. Landscapes? Still lifes? Nudes? Puppies? Scenes of Heaven? Scenes of Hell?
Lots of creatures saw that notice especially a Mouse named Musa

"I would love to make a painting for the King!" She said to herself she had been drawing since she was a toddler, she had so many fantastical ideas inside her head she wanted to bring to life
When Freebo got home he asked his dad what he should paint. His father was not a painter. The family had a pottery business and manufactured pots and bowls and mugs and vases in their ground floor workshop. The second floor of the house was where they had their bedrooms.

"The Duke of Hamm!" said his dad. "What a fat old hog he is! I heard he loves his hunting dogs more than anything else, so maybe a painting of some hunting dogs would please him."

"Dogs!" Freebo said. "Dad, we are foxes, you know. I'm not fond of dogs. I've never painted them. I don't know if I would do a very good job."

"I'm not sending you to art school just because I like to spend money. As a child you showed aptitude for drawing and painting, so I was hoping you could become a fine artist. It pays a lot better than pottery."

"I'll ask my teacher how to paint dogs."
Meanwhile, a rabbit student was getting his own ideas for the competition.
Musa went back home to her tree house and started to brain storm ideas, she wanted to do something really fantastic! Something that would completely and utterly blow the Duke's mind away and leave him weeping with joy!

She stared and the black piece of paper before her and she was frozen, the piece of paper was full of possibilities as long as it was empty.

Just then her door opened with a bang! Musa being a mouse jumped a bit, then she saw it was Zzz a Water Flea, an exchange student from the murky swamps of the Caribbean, Zzz and Musa weren't friends exactly more like acquaintances, Musa was interested in art and fine books and Zzz was interested in...Herself, she rarely said anything when they were in school she meant most of her time admiring her own reflection.

"Musa!" Said Zzz "There you are! We're putting on a protest!"

"Protesting what?" Asked Musa

"Males!" Said Zzz "We're protesting the inherent sexism in this society!"

Musa wasn't sure what to say for a moment, there was an awkward moment of silence then Musa said

"Hang on...Zzz isn't your species entirely female, your species doesn't even have males, how did you come to the conclusion there is sexism in Noman society?'

Another enthusiast who saw the notice was the beaver, Timber.

Well I'll be, He thought, deciphering the characters on the sheet with no small degree of difficulty. I'd better enter -If I win, it'll wipe the smirk off those smug clods at Low No!
Freebo and Timber were both in Mister Beetlebrow's figure drawing class. Nude model! Unfortunately, the model was a middle-aged hippopotamus named Frida Belly.

"Good work, Freebo," said Mr Beetlebrow, an elderly weasel who liked to wear vests and carry a big pocket watch on a chain. "You've captured the model's rotundity. It almost feels like your drawing would jiggle if I pinched it."

Freebo almost blushed. Mr. Beetlebrow had a habit of saying things that didn't sound quite right.
While this was going on, Jack, the rabbit, was working on his drawing. Problem was, he drew what he saw, and that wasn't the Ideal-Standard of Beauty. There was no frills, no enhancements, nothing special. He only put down what he saw.
Meanwhile Musa was having a heck of a time getting Zzz to leave.

"Why are you protesting Males?" Musa asked "What are they doing that's 'oppressive?'"

"They exist!" Snapped Zzz "They're all deformities! Horrible accidents of nature that shouldn't exist!"

"Isn't that sexist?" Asked Musa

Zzz turned bright red, ready to throw a tantrum, when below the tree house Nastina McFly, the great ancestor of a certain arms dealer buzzed "Zzz! You're late for your own protest!"

(Author's Note: We'll just assume on Erda females can pass down the family name just as males depending on the species)

"I'll be back!" Zzz said as she left the tree house "But you'll see, no one says no to Zzz, Princess of the Water Fleas!"

As the Tree House door slammed shut, Musa stared in silence for a few moments then grabbed all her things and left
Timber was about to eat his drawing. He just couldn't sketch a perfect sphere without the right tools; his piece of vellum was covered with re-done sketch after sketch, several smudged with frustration.

"Ummm," Said Mr. Beetlebrow slowly, peering over his shoulder. "You had better not let Ms. Frida see that; she might be insulted."

"Yes sir; I can believe that." Sighed Timber. "I'm still occupied trying to get the proportions right."

"Try to use something round to trace over," Said Beetlebrow in what he imagined was a very helpful way. "And remember; it's all about how many heads high the figure is."
Freebo was looking over Timber's shoulder. He traced a line on Timber's drawing with his finger. "You should make this line more curved outward and give it some emphasis."

A Coatamundi girl sitting nearby said, "Oh, go away Mister Know-It-All. We all know you're the world's greatest artist."

Freebo frowned at her. "I'm just trying to help, Barbara."

Barbara sneered. "Who died and made you the teacher?"

"Don't mind her," Timber said. "I appreciate the tip, Freebo. Thanks."

Barbara mimicked Timber's voice. "Thank you, Mister Great Artist. I'm just a drudge. Thank you for sharing a dribble of your vast knowledge with me."

Freebo headed back toward his own easel. "You've got a serious mental problem, Barbara." But he was thinking how hot she looked with her long fluffed ringtail twitching.

"I think I'm done," said Jack.
The Heroes were distracted by the sound of protesting, everyone went outside and saw Zzz and Nastina McFly and a bunch of other female insects chanting

"What do we want? The End of sexism! When do we want it? Now!"

"What's sexism?" Asked Jack

"Hey guys!" Musa came up to the four boy students "I'm afraid Zzz is from a species that has no males therefore she thinks they shouldn't exist."

"What is Zzz anyway?" Jack asked

"A Water Flea." Said Musa "I cleaned out my tree house and I'm going back to my parents house because I don't want Zzz to take out her anger on me by touching my stuff."

"Where do your parents live?" asked Timber

"Just outside down the way in Grass Town." Said Musa

As Freebo, Musa, Jack and Timber walked together, Timber asked "How come you lived in that tree house all by yourself instead of in the dorms with the rest of us?"

"Had a bad experience." Musa said "One time my room mate A Vulture named Vicki tricked me into the closet and locked me in for an entire night for a prank...I don't like closed in spaces, I had to go to the hospital in the morning."
"Wow." Said Timber in flat distaste. "I can't believe that. What a bit." Barbara walked by, by all appearances completely oblivious to the way her fluffy tail and short skirt weren't mixing. The hemline was flipped in exactly the wrong direction. Just as oblivious to the beaver's dumbstruck stare, she walked around the corner. "Ch." Said Timber as if he had been misplaced four seconds in time.

Jack rolled his eyes. "C'mon guys; it looks like rain." Said the rabbit.

"So, how do you all feel about the contest?" Asked Freebo as they set off down the street. "Dispirited? Don't be; when I win, I'll make sure to congratulate you all for your efforts in my acceptance speech." He was grinning way too wide for the boast to hurt.

"Well, when I win," Said Musa. "I'm going to use the recognition of my skill to prevent Zzz from ever campaigning at Lo No again."
Barbara Coatamundi joined up with Zzz the water flea and Nastina McFly. "Hi, ladies! How goes the protest?"

"It's about time you got here!" Nastina said. "Did some obnoxious males delay you?"

"Aren't they all obnoxious?"

The three girls cackled at that crack.


Down the street Freebo said, "One thing bothers me: What is the Duke of Hamm's favorite subject for a painting?"

"Does it matter?" Musa asked. "Just paint something you believe in. If it's a good painting it might win."

"Yeah, but if it's also the Duke's favorite subject, it will have an even better chance of winning."

"We could always paint a scene of a bunch of female protesters about to get curb-stomped by a bunch of female cops," said Jack.

"Why do you say that?" Musa asked.

Jack pointed across the street. "Those officers aren't holding twirling batons, and they are all female. I guess the Chief has an issue about male officers hitting women, but not so much if the officer is a female herself."
Musa walked over to the Female Cops "Hi." She said

"Hey..."Said a She-Rat casually

"What do you think about...This?" Musa asked

"I don't like it." Said the Rat "But as much as we want it to be, being obnoxious isn't a crime so we can't arrest them."
"Excuse me, ma'am," Said Timber with as much nerve as he could muster. "Would you mind posing for a drawing? It's for the Duke's art competition."

"No thanks," She laughed. "I have to keep an eye on the protest."
The female protesters were chanting. Men are stupid! Men are cheap! Show me a man and I'll show you a creep!

"I'll bet those girls have a hard time getting dates," Timber said.

Freebo nodded agreement. "I wouldn't mind spending an evening with that Coatamundi. She is very fine."

"But she hates men."

"Maybe not. You know, she might be protesting just because her friends are protesting. You can't be that attractive and not want a man."

"Is that some kind of scientific law?" Jack asked.
"Here's an idea," said Jack. "Ask them how in the world would they carry on the family line, or, more importantly, the species, without males? I mean, didn't any of them take Biology, or Sex Class? You can't have female babies without male fathers. I mean, that's how most races work. Sure, there are some that can do that whole split down the middle thing, but most can't do that."
"Zzz is a Water Flea." Musa said "Her species doesn't have males, don't ask me how they reproduce, I don't know...I think half the reason Zzz is starting this movement is because sh thinks males shouldn't exist and she's duping everyone else into her mad beliefs."
"Not everyone can be a water flea," Said Timber philosophically.
"Not everyone wants to be a water flea," said Freebo.

"I heard that!" said Zzz. "How would you like a punch in that long snout of yours?"

"I don't suppose a punch from a water flea would amount to much."

Musa and Nastina had to hold Zzz back to keep her from attacking Freebo.
"Besides, water fleas do have males," said Jack.

"What are you talking about?" Zzz asked. "There are no male water fleas!"

"Actually, they do exist, but the conditions have to be such that just your typical form of reproduction isn't enough for your kind to continue, and in such situations, Males are created, and therefore, they are able to help the females create fertilized eggs that can survive in extremely harsh conditions, until the situation is optimal for your species survival again."

"How do you know that?" Zzz asked.

"History and Biology Classes," said Jack. "I'm real good in those. I'm surprised you don't take them."
Musa turned to Jack, "In just about every class she's in she spends all of it looking at herself in the mirror."

"Let's leave." Timber said

They stopped in a Pub called The Hog and Frog, it was hosted by a Hog and a Frog
And it had some of the best beer in Nome on tap - Froghoggen Premium.

Also an excellent ice cream - Hoggenfrogz - in chocolate, vanilla, and hoarfrost.
Freebo ate another spoonful of Hoggenfrogz hoarfrost ice cream and licked his lips. "Yummy! Have you guys decided what to paint for the Duke's contest?"

"I'm leaning toward a nice painting of a dam," Timber said. "It's my specialty, after all."

"But how does the Duke feels about dams?"

"I'll be damned if I know!" said Timber.

"I might paint a carrot," Jack said.

"A carrot?!" Freebo couldn't believe what he was hearing.

"Yeah, I like carrots," Jack said.

Freebo was thinking his chances of winning were looking better and better. These dorks with their dams and carrots! Hahahaha!

"What are you laughing at?" Jack said.

"Oh. Sorry. Did I do that out loud?"
"Uh, yeah," said Jack. "Find something funny?"
Musa felt hot and itchy in the sweaty restaurant, she ran her claws through her fur
"What's the matter?" Zzz asked.

"I feel odd," Musa said. "All hot and itchy! Do you feel anything?"
Zzz laughed malevolently "There is Poison Ivy juice in your milkshake!"
"Poison Ivy Juice!" Musa screamed. "Are you crazy? Why did you put that in my milkshake?"
"I told you I would get you for saying no to my protest!" Said Zzz

Just then Jeremiah Hopper the Frog who co-owned this place said to Zzz "I think you should leave now!"

"Ooh! You Men!" And Zzz stormed off
"Got an aunt who might help you out with that," said the frog. "She makes antidotes for various poisons and the like."

"Why would she do that?" Musa asked.

"She's one of those Arrow Dart types," said the frog. "Little hard for certain things, like giving your favorite nephew a pinch on the cheeks, without making others get sick at your touch."
"Is she very far away?" asked Musa.

"Far away?" said the frog. "Not at all! She works here in the kitchen. Aunt Mariachi! Can you come out here, please?"

Aunt Mariachi was the fattest frog that Musa had ever seen.

"This mouse drank Poison Ivy soup," the frog said.

"Oh you poor dear!" said Aunt Mariachi. "Come with me to the kitchen and I will fix you right up. You'll be good as new in no time!"
The Frog fixed up a an Antidote that smelled like turpentine and looked like India Ink.

Musa held her nose and closed her eyes...And took a drink.

At that point Musa went unconscious...And thus began a vision unlike anything she had ever seen!

When she opened her eyes, with her friends looking around her she exclaimed "Oh MY! Such vast splendor! Such unparalleled beauty! Where are my paints? I must get to work at once!"
"What's in that stuff?" Jack asked.

"I'm not going to tell you," said the Arrow Dart frog. "One never knows where patient thieves might be hiding."
Musa was sketching something that resembled the Hubble Ultra-Deep Space Field -but with considerably more colour, detail and activity- on a cocktail napkin. Timber looked over her shoulder, frowning as she traced the halo around a gorgeous quasar. Her pen was moving like the needle on a Richter Scale.

"So you can draw a bunch of pretty... Stars? Those are stars, right?" Somehow they seemed a lot more starry than even the prettiest stars in real life. " I bet you the Duke would prefer something down-to-earth, like my dam."

"Yeah -almost half as much as he'll appreciate my sumptuous carrot." Added Jack.
"This is just a preliminary sketch," Musa said. "I'm not going to submit my contest entry on a napkin. I want to go to my easel right now and start painting!"

Freebo nudged Timber. "Maybe we should drink some of that black medicine stuff? It seems to give you artistic inspiration."

Aunt Mariachi held up her hand. "If you are a mouse, gentlemen. If you are a mouse. All my medicines are species-specific. If a fox and a beaver drank what I gave Musa, then we would need a bucket to hold their vomit."

"Yuck!" Freebo said.
Musa then ran out of the Pub back to her house to get her supplies
"Looks like someone is on fire," said Jack.
"I need to go work on my dams -real and painted," Said Timber. "You all have a nice day."
"Good bye, Timber," Freebo said. "I guess I better go get to work on my painting."

Jack finished his drink. "Did you ever decide what to paint?"

"No, I'm just going to let inspiration hit me."

"Be careful it doesn't knock you down."

"I wish I could get that inspired. It will be more like a gentle tickle on the back of my head."

"Just don't paint any carrots," Jack said.
Musa began her painting, she was inspired by the various stars and galaxies she saw in her vision.

Meanwhile Zzz, was not happy, only Nastina and Barbara, attended her protest and even then Zzz wasn't sure they understood the whole 'Get rid of every single male' thing
Soon enough, Jack was going through the cookbook, looking for a way to make up a good image of carrots.
And, protest over, an increasingly frustrated Zzz could only take her sign and mope home, wishing for the thousandth time that genocide didn't have to be so difficult.
On his way home, Freebo Fox passed by Frida Belly on the sidewalk. He didn't say anything but she stopped and said, "Say, aren't you one of the art students in Mister Beetlebrow's figure drawing class?"

"Yes," Freebo said, a little embarrassed to be talking with her.

"I'm Frida Belly, the nude model. And you must be Freebo."

"How did you know my name?" Freebo asked.

"I looked at the class roster. I thought it was funny how similar our names are. I was named after Friday, the day of the week. How did you come by your name?"

"I had an Uncle Freebo. It's just a name that runs in our family."

"Have you painted your entry for the Duke's contest yet?"

"No," Freebo said.

"Why don't you paint me? The Duke loves nudes. Did you know that?"

"Uh, no, I didn't know that. I was wondering what he liked. I don't think I would be very good at painting a nude."

"Oh, come on!" Frida said. "Give it a try! I won't charge you anything. I'll model for free."
Musa was so engaged in painting her picture, when she was done she took a step back and realized her painting of stars and galaxies had also created something else, it was also the painting of a Dragon made of stars and galaxies!

Now creatures like Dragons, Unicorns and Gryphons were to the Animals of Erda what mythical Humanoid races like Fairies, Elves and Vampires are to Humans, Musa sat down and looked at her painting, there was more meaning to this...This Dragon was in the fabric of space and time itself!
Meanwhile, all that looking at a cookbook had caused Jack's appetite to wake up.

"Might as well get something to eat," the rabbit said.
Freebo decided against painting Frida Belly. He just couldn't imagine the Duke wanting a painting of a naked hippo and he also couldn't imagine himself painting it. That night he fell asleep despairing of ever coming up with an idea.

As he slept, he dreamed that Leonardo DaVinci appeared. "Leonardo!" Freebo said. "I like your art. Your Mona Lisa is one of my faves!"

"That's why I have come to visit you," Leonardo said. "It is also one of the Duke's favorite paintings. You must paint your own Mona Lisa."

"How can I do that?" Freebo said. "I can't just copy your painting!"

"In your art school there is a mouse. Her name is Musa. You can paint her portrait."

"But she's just an ordinary mouse," Freebo said.

"No, she has unexpected depths. When you paint her portrait you will see. It will be your Mona Musa."

"My Mona Musa!" Freebo murmured in his sleep and when he woke up he was happy and knew what he wanted to paint. He hurried off to school so he could ask Musa to pose for him.
But before he could do that, there was a small explosion in the Girl's restroom. Freebo saw Zzz, and Nastina running away from the crime scene laughing like mad.

Freebo ran to the Girl's restroom. Musa was on the floor, still alive but her right arm had been blown off!
"What happened?" Freebo asked.
"They bobby-trapped the washroom," Groaned Musa, picking her head out of the rubble. Her whiskers twitched as she glanced at the smoky space where her arm had once dangled. "Good thing I've already finished my artwork."

In front of her, Freebo vomited, partially extinguishing one of the remaining flames.
Two doctors arrived to work on Musa. There was nothing they could do about the arm. It was gone forever.

"I'll do your homework for you," Freebo offered.

"Forget it, "Musa said. "I can never be an artist now with no arm."
"I am glad I finished my masterpiece before hand." Musa said "I mailed it to the Duke this morning."

"Really?" Freebo asked "What was it?"

"You'll see." Musa said

Meanwhile, Zzz and Nastina were stopped by one of the Teachers, Professor Crayfish!

Zzz gulped, Crayfish were among those who ate Water Fleas in prehistoric times!

(Author's Note:Hey Steve, what if in ancient times, the Death Penalty in Erda included getting eaten by carnivores?)
Jack was walking down the hall when he saw Musa. "What happened?"

"Someone did something with the water in the girls' bathroom," said Freebo. "Turned it to acid or something."

Jack cringed. "What about the other bathrooms? Are they safe?"
"Well, you're welcome to try them later," Said Freebo. Prof Beetlebrow and the other faculty were busily herding students outside as the bomb-squad arrived to sweep the building. "I think I'm going to hold it for now, myself."
(Ancient times were brutal in Erda. People behaved like animals.)

"Mister Beetlebrow, that's easy for you to say," Freebo said. "You're a weasel. You never pee. I'm a fox. I have to mark my territory dozen times a day."

Jack's jaw dropped. "Is that you peeing in the halls?"

"No, idiot! I use the restroom. I'm just saying the urge is frequent. No, I don't mark the walls with my pee. Geez."

"Ok, sorry. I wasn't thinking."

Meanwhile, Mr. Scuttle the Crayfish professor cornered Zzz and Nastina

"You do know what happens to terrorists don't you?" Mr. Scuttle asked as he clicked his claws.
Jack looked at Freebo. "So, what happened in the bathroom? I still didn't get that part."
"i don't know why you're asking me," Said Freebo. "I'm not a demolitions expert," He regarded the smoking crater in the middle of the school, next to where a small pond of water from smashed faucets had collected before being turned off. "But I'd have to say that it appears someone rigged a bomb to go off when the bathroom was entered -in this case, by Musa."

"How'd they manage that?"

"I'm not an explosives expert either! Why don't you ask Mr. Scuttle over there? I'd bet he'd know." Freebo gestured at where Nastina and Zzz were systematically smashing the elderly crayfish's head into a brick wall.

"Hmmm...." Grunted Jack, still feeling extremely confused. "He looks kinda busy. 'Guess I'll have to ask him later."

"Yeah- I hope the bomb squad gets here soon; the suspense is actually physically painful." Freebo lent against a wall, checking his watch.
The bomb squad was three June Bugs, a Velvet Ant, and a Yellow Jacket wasp. Insects were the only creatures zoned out enough to risk their lives defusing bombs. Of course, this bomb had already exploded.

"Clear the area!" said the wasp. "Don't be a foolish sightseer and get yer head blown off."

"The bomb's already exploded, captain," said one of the sightseers.

"We'll be the judge of that! You ain't the bomb experts. We are!"

"Yeah!" said the three June Bugs in unison. They were identical triplets from the same litter and thought alike.

"I hope they get to the bottom of this," Freebo said. "I feel terrible about Musa losing her arm. I was going to paint her portrait."

"You still can," Jack said. "Her face is okay."
Zzz and McFly were already out of the school

"I'm going back to my Kingdom in the swamp!" Zzz said "I didn't even want to come here! My Mom made me go!"

Meanwhile the Duke of Ham was receiving the Painting Musa had mailed him 3...2...1...He was bedazzled by the painting!
"Well, this sure is an interesting painting," the pig said. "So interesting that I fear I lack the words to accurately describe it. Where's my dictionary at? I need to write to the artist. This is Fantastic!"
"Ah!" He triumphantly picked up a musty dictionary. "Here we are! Let's see... 'Exquisite', 'delectable', and, of course, 'meritorious'!"
Freebo stopped by Musa's room where she was recovering. "How are you feeling?"

"Better," Musa said. "It's going to take a while to get used to not having an arm."

"I would like to paint your portrait. It will be a way to occupy your time. What do you think?"
"Maybe..." Musa said "...Maybe once I find a way to conceal my missing arm."
"Perhaps if you turn to the side," said Freebo. "My one uncle got in to an accident once, and lost an eye as a result. After that, for paintings and such, he always turned his face, so that only his good side was shown. Funny thing is, it was my aunt that convinced him to start allowing his whole face to be shown, to try and show him that, even with the missing eye, he was handsome in her eyes."

"Seriously?" Musa asked. "Your aunt convinced your uncle to show his disfigurement?"

"She wanted to show him that looks didn't matter to her," said Freebo. "It was the stuff inside she cared about. Took a while, but eventually, he was allowing his whole face to be painted, missing eye and all."
"Maybe I'll do what your uncle does," Said Musa. "...In the future. Right now, if you'd like to paint me, please just paint my head."

"Great!" Freebo left and returned with a palette, easel and canvas. "How do you think the Duke liked your painting?" He asked as he set to work.

Musa smiled. "My Mum said one of the servants at the Duke's palace told her he was bedazzled by it."

"Bedazzled!" Freebo said. "That sounds really good. It's too bad we have to compete with each other. I hope you win."

"Really?" Musa said. "I'm not sure I believe that."

Freebo grinned. "OK, I hope my Mona Musa painting wins. I heard they kicked Zzzz and Nastina out of school because of the bomb incident. Don't you think they should be punished more?"
Meanwhile in the far away Tikki-Tikki an Ancient Serpent Priestess opened her eyes

"Something has happened!" She said "The Dragon has awoken!"
Meanwhile, Jack had finally found what he was looking for. "I'll paint this bowl of carrot stew! I just hope the Duke doesn't eat the painting of it though."
Sweating, exhausted -Timber at last stood back form his canvas, almost visibly swelling with pride as he contemplated his masterpiece. The dam was big, and intricate, and ...full of logs. It spoke from the bottom of the soul of the common hydroelectric lumberjack, connecting and touching the greatest and most primal recesses of the very essence of even a mighty ruler like the Duke. Truly, a metaphysical marvel of the woes and struggles of thinking beings throughout all the ages and beyond. It was also done in crayon.

Now all I have to do is mail it! The beaver thought in satisfaction.
Luckily, Timber's Uncle was a mailman. "Uncle Slaptail, will you mail this for me?"

Uncle Slaptail looked at the package. "There's no postage on it."

"That's right," Timber said. "I thought since you are my uncle and you are a mailman..."

"Boy, you can't mail a package without postage! You are my sister's child all right. She always was a dingleberry and her kids ain't got no sense either."

"But Uncle Slaptail, it's for a contest with a big prize. If I win I can pay you back if you will just pay the postage for me."

"Ha! A little bucktooth like you has about as much chance of winning as... as... as something that's extremely unlikely to happen."

Timber felt like crying. His uncle sure knew how to kill a buzz.
Meanwhile the Serpent Priestess Tikki-Takki lit a fire and started the chant.

In her vision the Great Dragon of time and space sang to her 'There is great danger! A Water Flea named Zzz is acquiring dark magic in her swamp, with it she will destroy every Male in the world!"
Tikki-Takki groaned at this. While there were times she didn't like to be around men, they did have their uses. "What happened to this flea to make her to not like men?"
"I shouldn't be telling you this," said the Great Dragon of Time and Space, "because it's personal information about the flea and I'm supposed to keep that sort of stuff confidential."

"Aw, come on!" begged the Serpent Priestess Tikki-Takki. "How do you expect to keep your priests loyal if you never share anything with them?"

"What are you saying? You would leave me and go work for the Great Dragon of Lightning and Thunder just because I didn't share some gossip with you?"

"Well... yes."

"That is so petty! But what can I expect. All the really good priestesses lived millennia ago. The ones we have today are an inferior breed."

"So you will share?" asked Tikki-Takki.
"I will share the information of where she will get her dark magic..." Said the Dragon
Meanwhile, Jake had finished his carrot stew. "Looks good enough to eat. Now to submit it."
And Timber had finally gotten together the requisite postage -no thanks to his uncle.
And Freebo was putting the finishing touches on his Mona Musa. "Gaw lay! I don't think Leonardo da Vinci himself could have done it much better!"

"Let me see that!" Musa said. "EEEEEK! I don't look like that!"
"You drew my nose to big!" Musa exclaimed
"Um, I'm sure I did it right," Freebo said, as he compared the two.
"I've got three arms in this picture!" Cried Musa, tone rising to indicate ever greater heights of horror. Freebo scanned up and down her side, non-plussed.

"You mean normally..."

"I've only got two!" Groaned Musa.

"Oh, sorry. It's a common mistake, though, right?"

"And I've got eye-stalks the way you've drawn me!" She sat back down on the bed dejectedly.
"But this is Surrealism," Freebo said. "I thought I explained that."

"How can that be realism when I don't really look like that?!" Musa said.

"No, not realism. Surrealism. Didn't you pay any attention in Mrs Beanbag's class?"

"Uh... I kind of slept through that one. She is SO boring! Just drones on and on. So Surrealism is the art of making people look horrible?"

"Not exactly, but if you want your portrait painted, don't ask Salvador Dali to do it."

One of Musa's eyebrows lifted. "I suppose you are supposed to be Salvador Dali?"

"I like to think of my self as a blend of the best of Leonardo da Vinci and Salvador Dali."

"I like to think of you as another student at my art school."
Meanwhile in Tikki-Tikki the Animals of the Maztec Empire sent their greatest warrior to stop Zzz, Vespa the Wasp.

Vespa was tall and thin she wielded a shield and machete like sword
"Are you sure that this isn't a little much?" one of the servants asked.
"You mean the peacock-feather headdress?' Asked Vespa, running a hand up her 4' of outlandish headgear. "Yeah, it really is. And it wreaks havoc on my aerodynamics." She leaned in confidentially. "Don't tell Ticky, but I'm going to stash it in a bush when I get out of here -ooh! Here she comes!" The wasp cracked to attention.

"Travel swiftly, my poisoned fang." Intoned the serpent gravely. "Seek out and destroy the user of dark magic before I can say wazzle-zang!"

And Vespa was off, wings an invisible flutter as she sped north.
The swamp of the water flea Zzz was located 33 miles north of the city of Tikki-Tikki, the capitol of the Maztec Empire. It was in Tikki-Tikki that the Serpent Priestess Tikki-Takki had her temple. It was also in Tikki-Tikki that Queen Tokka-Tokka had her palace.

Tikki-Takki and Tokka-Tokka watched Vespa fly away to the north.

"She won't get far in that headdress," said Tokka Tokka.

"She will get there," intoned the serpent priestess Tikki-Takki. "She will destroy the cursed flea and her dark magic."

"How did a flea ever get hold of dark magic in the first place?"

"My Lady," said Tikki-Takki with a deep bow, "that is a story that is yet to be told. I suspect it involves intrigue, irony, mischief, and deceit. You can be sure that if anyone in the Temple of the Serpent is responsible, they will be punished severely."
Vespa flew To the Caribbean she spied the Kingdom of the Water Fleas in a murky swamp.

Meanwhile Musa went to her Mom and Eye Doctor.

"Mom." Musa said "How good are Foxes eyes?"

"Very good." Said Musa's Mom "Most foxes have eyes better then most other canids."

'So it's not that he needs glasses.' Musa thought to herself "He deliberately painted me weird."

Meanwhile Vespa's Wasp Eyes looked in the murky ooze, for a Water Flea practicing dark magic

Hidden in some water plants was Zzz, she was standing over a bubbling cauldron
"Smells like someone boiling swamp water for some stew," said a passing frog. "What you need is some onions, some carrots, and garlic."
Zzz carefully wafted the fumes in the other direction, weary of being caught prior to exterminating all of Erda's males.
Vespa smelled something cooking. She crept through the bushes toward the source of the odor.
"Bubble, bubble Cauldron Pot." Chanted Zzz "Fire burn, and driftwood rot!"

Vespa crept closer and closer to the Water Flea

"By my Power as Princess of Swamp, on this leaf I'll chomp, and when I do I will prevail! Destroying every single...."

At that moment Vespa impaled Zzz with her stinger
"What?" Zzz looked down. "No fair."
Vespa kicked her into the cauldron, taking as step back as the boiling mixture overturned and fell into the swamp, plunging down, down into the murky depths. The water gurgled. Vespa slapped her hands together as if to clean them, making ready to spring into the air again.
But first she made sure the water flea was thoroughly dead by asking a nearby turtle to make a quick check for her.

"Yes, ma'am," said the turtle and dived into the swamp. After a few moments he resurfaced. "That old water flea ain't going to bother nobody no more, ma'am."

"Thank you," Vespa said, and flew off back to Tikki-Tikki to deliver the good news.


Freebo Fox was getting his eyes checked at the eye doctor. "How many fingers am I holding up?"'

Freebo squinted. "Ten?"

"You're guessing," said the doctor. "I think you might need glasses."

"But I'm a fox!" Freebo said. "We have great vision!"

"Until you ruin it by humping over a drawing board all night making your little cartoons."

"I'm not a cartoonist," Freebo said. "I'm an artist. Well, a student of art."

"Whatever," said the doctor. "Unless you want to draw bizarre distortions of reality the rest of your life, I would recommend getting some spectacles."
Meanwhile the Duke of Ham was getting ready to have the Painting Musa sent him immortalized in the Noman Musium of Art
"It's just wonderful," the Duke said.

"But, the contest is not over," said the Curator.
"You're right! I'm eager to see what other works of art people may send me!" Beamed the Duke.
"But you have already chosen this one by Musa the mouse to win?" said the Curator.

"Not officially, but any painting that can beat it will have to be pretty darn good."

By the end of the week all the paintings had arrived and the Duke propped them up in a row.

"A dam? I don't know why they let beavers into that art school. Every year one of them paints a dam."

"It's what beavers know," said the Curator.

"And look at this one - carrot stew! Painted by a rabbit, no doubt."

"It's what they know."

"Hmmm, the Mona Musa. I think this student better be scheduled for a psychiatric evaluation, because this painting is insane."

The Curator shrugged. "If the art is crazy, it doesn't mean the artist is crazy."

"And it doesn't mean he is not, either. Whew! I pity the model who had to see this rendition of herself. I hope it's not my dear little Musa."
Musa meanwhile was at the park watching the Cubs play, when someone sat down next to her, it was a Coyote, and he had only one arm like herself

"Howdy." He said "My name's Bartholomew but you can call me Bart."
"So, what happened to your arm?" Musa asked.

"Well, I suppose I could say that I was in a fight with ten guys, who had knives, but the truth is, I was in an accident, with my dad," said Bart.
"Ouch. What happened?" Asked Musa.

"Someone threw a bunch of cherry-bombs at us while we were taking a walk together. They yelled something about 'Death to Males'."

"No way! My arm was blown off by a bunch of misanthropes too!" Said the mouse. "High-five!"

"What is it with all these anti-male movements?" Bart asked.

Musa thought about it. "I don't know. Male, female, it's all the same to me."

"Not totally the same."

"No. But I mean as far as evil goes, either gender can go bad."
Meanwhile the Duke of Ham looked at his assistant, a Naked Mole Rat named Eugene

"How goes my art contest?"Asked the Duke

"I got a letter from West Fillydelphia." Said Eugene "A Young Mole named Eunice says that she wishes she could participate, but can't because of the Turf Wars broken out between the Mammal and Bird Street Gangs of Fillydelphia."
The Duke groaned at this. "Why can't the police do their job, and haul those gangs to jail?"
Meanwhile, Vespa, having recovered her peacock headdress, was at last reporting to Tokka-tokka and Ticki-tacki, high up in a golden palace over Tikki-tikki.

"Your Majesty, Your Wisdom," She bowed to the regal duo in turn. "The dark magician Zzz has been defeated!"

"Excellent news. You are certain that she is dead?" Asked the Queen.

"Well..." Vespa thought of how Zzz had been gored, run-through, boiled alive so fast as to constitute burning to death, then had been drowned under a swamp. "...She has been disposed of."

"You have done well, Vespa." Said Ticki-tacki, tone sly. "For your reward, I shall now overlook the way you stuffed the Ancient Ceremonial Diadem of Cunning and Power in a tree-stump before starting your mission."

"Thank-you, Your Wisdom," Gritted Vespa with only the patience a career-soldier could muster.

"And 500 gold ingots," Added Tokka-tocka, almost absently. "You are dismissed. May you go in peace."

"Thank-you, Your Majesty. May you go in peace." Vespa cheerfully bowed her way out.
Eugene wrote a letter to Eunice...

Dear Eunice,
I'm sorry you were unable to participate in the contest, but there will be another one next year! Maybe your situation in Fillydelphia will have improved by then.
signed.......... a fellow mole rat, Eugene




It was the end of the semester at Noman School of the Arts -- exam time!

Musa was back in school with a prosthetic arm, happy that she won the Duke's contest.

Jack the rabbit and Timber the beaver studied together every night. Their class schedules were similar.

Freebo Fox was getting used to his new eyeglasses with their ultra-thick lenses. "So this is what the world really looks like!"

Two of the art teachers, Mr Beetlebrow and Mrs Beanbag, were discussing final exams. "We mustn't go too easy on them, Beetlebrow! Make it a tough exam! That's how you learn. Tough!"
As the Weasel flipped over his chalkboard, standing on the other side was Nastina and her boyfriend, naked and making out!

Musa couldn't help but chuckle as Nastina had joined the Male Hating Zzz without meaning a single word of it.
The teacher blinked at this. "Get dressed, both of you, and go to my office!" she yelled. "This is not the Nude Art Class Session!"
The pair writhed on the ground, carrying on grunting and slobbering heedlessly, pressing together as if trying to induce fusion.

"I mean it, you two!" Scowled Mr Beetlebrow. The two enthusiastic lovers didn't seem to even hear him, though admittedly they did moan at an especially high pitch once or twice. The teacher sighed in defeat. "All right, you at the back -yes, you!- drag them out into the hallway."

So ordered, Timber, Jack, Musa and Freebo stood up and grabbed at the couple's extremities, lugging the intent duo out of the room. "And throw a tarp on them or something!" Called Bettleebrow, turning at last to his beloved chalkboard.


"Ugh!" Freebo said. "What some people won't do in the name of love."

"That's not love," Timber said. "That's lust."

Jack swatted at the air. "Aw, that's nothing! You ought to visit my cousin's rabbit village in the spring. Whoooeeee! You would see something then!"

"Pop quiz!" yelled Mr Beetlebrow. "Get out your water paints. We're going to paint a pond full of water lilies. Thirty minutes. Ready... go!"
Musa was surprisingly good with her left arm,
Luckily for Jack, the rabbit had brought in a family album, and in one photo was a pond full of water lilies.

"I hope this works," he muttered.
As Musa painted her picture, she had a daydream about what she would do to the two lovers under the tarp in the hallway...

She whacked them both on the head with the picture.

The lovers curled up, snail-like, under the impact, but otherwise continued thrusting and snogging away.

"Not hard enough!" scolded Musa. She wound back for a harder blow-

"I've got a bionic arm," she said, bouncing the picture in her mechanical grasp. She really was good with her new arm. "I'll administer the tranquilizer. (Cough) Hiii-yeah!"

The picture flew to pieces as she hammered it down thunderously. Completely unconscious, the two felons immediately went limp. "Perfect! Now all we have to do is separate the bodies!"

Musa smiled as she added another water lily to her painting.
Freebo adjusted his new eyeglasses on his nose. Now he could paint water lillies that looked like water lillies and not aliens form another planet. Although... it would be fun to paint some aliens from... No! Must resist the temptation to deviate from the instructions. Mr Beetlebrow said paint a pond full of water lilies and that is what he would do.

Timber was salivating at the thought of painting a pond. He painted a dam at one end of the pond - nothing overwhelming, very discrete - but you have to have a dam to make a pond, don't you?
(How much longer is this story going to go on?)

Sometime later Nastina dropped out of Art School and moved back with her boyfriend to Bulgaria

"Why did you join such a group?" Nastina's Mom asked

"I thought it might be useful in destroying all the other species." Nastina said "Afterwards I'd stab Zzz in the back."
"Better to get involved in business, and rule them that way," said her mother. "You make more money that way."
(It never ends! We'll write it until we die of old age, then pass it on to our descendants. It'll be like an heirloom! -On another note, hasn't Nome yet to discover the part of the world that will be come Bulgaria?)

"By the by," Said the elder fly. "Where did you say you were moving, again?"

"To Bulgaria."

"Oh," Said Nastina's Mother, feeling rather foolish. "Ah, where is that, exactly?"

"Out east." Nastina gestured vaguely. "Past the borders of the Kingdom."

"Um, dear, you do know there's nothing but water out there, right? Endless water that you can't even drink?"

"Not any more, mom! They've discovered a new continent, and they're calling it Bulgaria!" Nastina did a fist pump. "That's why I'm so excited -I and my boyfriend are going to be some of the first people to move to the New World!"

"Oh," Said her mother once again, now feeling very foolish indeed. "...I guess I ought to get out more."


(OK! OK! I can see we don't have a bunch of Arts & Crafts lovers here. *Pthb* How about suggesting a theme, topic, or area of interest for Tales of Erda, Book Three?)

Freebo was lying by a pond ( a real pond) with one toe in the water while watching Jack chew on a carrot. Out in the pond Timber was attempting to build a dam. "Hey! Why don't you guys help me?"

"This pond already has a dam!" Jack yelled back.

"You can never have too many dams!"

"Oh, I think you can," Jack said.

Freebo was looking at the sky. "That cloud up there looks just like Bulgaria."

"Does anyone really know what Bulgaria looks like?" Jack asked.

"You're right. Maybe one day man will fly and we can see."

"The flies already can fly," Jack said.

"Hmmm, you're right again. I'll bet that nasty old Nastina McFly knows what Bulgaria looks like."
(I guess I thought with the conclusion of the contest the story was over...For a theme...Invasion by Humans?)

Musa looked to the side and saw some strange foot prints leading to a ole in the ground...
"You find something?" Jack asked.
(I have a couple of ideas for future Books of Erda. One is a Steampunk Age of Exploration story, but I think the next one will be a Middle Ages style fantasy because I found some odd pics that will be useful.

We could segue into the next book using this "hole in the ground" that Musa discovered, but that would only be if you wanted to keep the same characters. If you want to have new characters, we can start the next book fresh. What do you think?)




"Some kind of footprints," Musa said.

Jack kneeled down and looked closely. "I don't think these are the tracks of any animal I know, and I know lots of animal tracks. I was a tracker for my troop in the Rabbit Scouts."

(I think I'd like to use new characters)

"These are ugly footprints." Musa said
"Never judge someone by their feet," said Jack. "They might be shorter than you, or taller than a tree."
Timber crouched down and stared into the hole. "Well, they couldn't have been that big if they've gone down there."
Freebo put his arm around Jack's shoulder. "Jack, does this remind you of the rabbit hole in Alice In Wonderland?"

"Maybe," Jack said, "but these aren't rabbit tracks."

"You could put on a vest and a pocket watch and follow whatever it was and say I'm late, I'm late if it spots you."

"I think you've been watching too many old Disney cartoons."
(Um isn't this the Pre-industrial age? Wouldn't that be before moving pictures?)

Just then the creature popped it's head out of the hole, it was the most bizarre creature they ever saw! The closest thing it resembled was an Ape, but it had bare pink skin except on the top of his head, he had a weird triangular nose with downward pointing nostrils
"That's interesting?" said Jack.
Timber screamed and smashed the thing with a hatchet. It fell straight back down, gore fountaining up behind.

"Timber!" Yelled Jack.

"Sorry; I panicked." The beaver shrugged sheepishly.
Suddenly the ground under their feet began to tremble, then crumble. Within seconds all four of them had been swallowed by the hole and were falling down, down, down...

"You see!" Freebo said. "This is exactly like Alice in Wonderland!"

"How could you have even watched that movie when movies haven't been invented yet?" asked Musa.

"Oh yeah?" said Freebo. "Then how do you know there is such a thing as movies?"

"I read a lot of science fiction."

Meanwhile, they were still falling, but it just felt like they were weightless, except the walls of the tunnel came rushing by.

"We don't seem to be falling very fast," Timber said.

"Frankly, my dear," said Jack. "I think we're in some kind of space time warp."

"Oooo!" said Freebo. "Sounds like Musa is not the only one who reads a lot of science fiction."
Musa sniffed, "Do you smell something that smells like...Burning?"

"Burnt flesh." Timber wrinkled his nose

They landed, and there were two more ape creatures roasting a naked mole rat over a spit
"I think now is a good time to run," said Jack.
Timber's nose wrinkled like it was trying to burrow backwards into his head and hide. One of the albino-monkeys advanced, brandishing a roasting spit and grunting savagely.
"Naked mole rats turn up in the strangest places," Freebo said as they ran down the tunnel. Soon they came to a wall with a door in it.

"It's locked!" Jack said.

"Look for a little table with a key on it," Freebo said. "That's how it's done."

"I don't see any little tables."

"No DRINK ME bottles, no gloves, no pillboxes?"

"It's just a tunnel, Freebo. And this door."

"Why don't we just knock on it?" Musa said. She knocked. And they heard the doorknob begin to turn...
"The door is made of wood!" Timber said "I'll just chew through it!"
"Let's hope it works," said Jack.
Timber lunged at the door, jaws wide-
-Just as the bemused albino monkey behind it swung it open.

The beaver buried al 4'' of his teeth in the creature's diaphragm, and they both fell backwards through the doorway.

"Well, I guess that works." Said Jack.
There were five more of the albino monkeys poised to attack, but behind them was a spectacularly beautiful woman who said, "Halt! Do not attack the intruders, you fools! Can you not see they are of my species?"

Freebo, Jack, Musa, and Timber stood there with their mouths open. What was a beautiful woman doing living down here with a bunch of albino monkeys?

She was dressed skimpily in a shiny bra and a loincloth. On her head was a sparkling tiara. In one hand she held a scepter. "I can see by the dumb looks on your faces that you do not know who I am. I am Dorothy Alice, Queen of the Underground Kingdom of Wondoz. I take it you fell down a rabbit hole?"

Freebo recovered first. "Yes, your highness! We were standing on the edge and it crumbled. We did not mean to come here. Is there a way back?"

"But you just got here!" Dorothy Alice said. "Surely you want to look around and chat a little? I would love to hear stories about topside and your lives there."
"Um..." Musa said "Why did those guys eat a naked mole rat?"

Because they had to!" Said the Queen "Without meat they would get Beriberi and die."
"Now this is getting crazy," Jack muttered.
Timber's teeth were stuck in the dead nude-ape's fractured sternum.

"Ihf hlangth blettheith thith ith happenengfth!" He said, twisting back and forth as he tried to yank his incisors out.
Dorothy Alice slapped Timber on the back of the head.

"Thank you," he said. "Yuck, that ape tastes bad."

"They are poisonous," Dorothy Alice said. "Which is a good thing because I don't have to worry about them becoming cannibalistic. Actually, most of the time they eat bread, but they are descended from carnivores and every now and then one of them gets a craving for meat."

"They are very ugly," Musa said.

"That's true, but really they are harmless. You don't have to be afraid of them. Now I have to show you our underground city."
(I think this might be a good Segway to the next campfire)

"We are the Humans..." Said the Queen
"The what?" Jack asked.
(I thought that Steve said she was a beautiful women? How can she be both that, and human? At least, from the perspective of our characters.)

"The humans," Said the naked ape impatiently. "Now, please, come with me and enjoy the sights of our complex. You may think little of us -especially since you've already killed two of my subjects," Timber shifted awkwardly. "But I assure you that we live quite an advanced life down here in Wondoz."
"Dorothy Alice! What are you doing?" The voice came from a large white rabbit who came skipping down the tunnel. He was wearing a vest with a pocket watch.

"Leave me alone!" said Dorothy Alice.

"I most certainly will not!" said the rabbit. "You can go play Queen of the Underworld in your own room. Go on! Get!" And he slapped his hands together threateningly.

Dorothy Alice frowned and pouted but she and her monkeys withdrew.

The rabbit addressed the four art students. "I'm so sorry. You're from Topside, aren't you? Of course you are. I'm going to have to erase your memories of all this before I send you back."

"Wait!" Jack said. "Can't you at least tell us what the hell is going on? I'm a rabbit, too, you know."

The rabbit laughed and looked at his watch. "You have no idea how long it would take to explain it to you And there is really no reason why I should since you're just going to forget it anyway."

"Oh, please!" Freebo said. "I am so confused!"

"No," said the rabbit. "There is no time for that. You're going back to where you were and you will not remember any of this."



Freebo was lying by a pond with one toe in the water while watching Jack chew on a carrot. Out in the pond Timber was attempting to build a dam. "Hey! Why don't you guys help me?"

"This pond already has a dam!" Jack yelled back.

"You can never have too many dams!"

"Oh, I think you can," Jack said.

Timber held up his hands. "I'm the best damn dam builder there ever was!"

Jack offered Freebo his carrot. "Care for a bite of veggie gold?"

"No thanks. I'm good."

Musa sighed. "I am so freaking bored with all this. I wish I could be any character I wanted to be in any age on any world."

"You should have become a writing student instead of an art student."

THE END
...

The End!

© Copyright 2015 Steev the Friction Wizurd, Twiga, BIG BAD WOLF is hopping, jdstephens, (known as GROUP).
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