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Humanimals in the American Old West |
| [Introduction]
This is a tale about humanimals (anthropomorphic animals) in the Old West. They are on an even footing with humans, same laws, etc. What about true animals? Well, they are just... animals. Clickable links... Stagecoach |
| Name: Ramp Species: Roadrunner humanimal Occupation: Outlaw "Beep! Beep!" Ramp sang out as he ran along the trail. The orange rocks, the green cacti, the acid blue sky... this was the familiar landscape of his home. He couldn't help but be happy in it. His feet moved so fast they were a blur. They made a little whirring noise like an electric fan. Behind him stretched a trail of dirt stirred up by his feet. Ahead he could see something or someone stopped on the trail... |
| Name: Bravepaw Species: Coyote Humanimal Occupation: Sheriff It was Sheriff Bravepaw standing there dressed in his duds from the boots on his feet to the white hat on his head with two holes cut for his ears. The tin star pinned to his lapel shined brightly in the hot desert sun. "I finally caught up to you Ramp, you will pay for robbing the Manxtown stage and you should know by now that you can't escape justice." |
| Name: Blacktail Species: Wolf Humanimal Occupation: Bounty Hunter/Gun-for-Hire (Whichever's better paying) The two then heard something; a harmonica. The pair turned, and saw a wolf, sitting up on a rock, playing a mouth piece. He looked at them. "Howdy." He then resumed playing. |
| Name: Eartha Sex: Female Species: Star Nosed Mole Occupation: Prospector (Tried to be a Saloon Girl, was rejected because she was too ugly) Eartha was digging digging digging for gold when she heard a ruckus above |
| Ramp the Roadrunner skidded to a halt in front of Sheriff Bravepaw the coyote. The sheriff stood with feet spread apart, both hands holding a large 6-shooter aimed at Ramp. "Hold it right there, little Speedy Gonzales. You going to jail this time, boy." Standing nearby, Blacktail the wolf played "Home on the Range" on his harmonica. Out the corner of his eye, Ramp could see an anvil had been suspended far above them. It was hanging precariously from a rock, held in place by a thin cable. Had the sheriff been shopping at Acme again? Sheriff Bravepaw spat at the wolf. "Don't you know any other song?" Ramp used the Sheriff's brief lack of attention to launch his escape. Ka-CHING! He was off and running down the trail. For a moment his image remained behind, but it was only bits of dust caught in the swirl of wind brought about by his sudden departure. "Hey!" yelled the coyote sheriff and there was a loud BOOM as he fired his pistol. Ramp sensed the bullet approaching his back and upped his speed another notch. Now the bullet was right behind him, a determined grin on it's little lead face. But after a few seconds it said, "You win! That's all I got!" and the bullet fell to the ground, gasping for breath. Ramp disappeared into the distant desert, leaving nothing but the faint echo of his "Beep! Beep!" behind. |
| Jumping in anger, "Great Tumbleweeds, he got away!" He then turned to Blacktail "Do you know who you helped escape? That was Ramp, a known outlaw in these parts. Crimes include bank robbery, train holdups not to mention stagecoaches. Reward $25,000.00 if brought back alive. I hope you have more then that harmonica." |
| Blacktail turned slightly, and looked at the sheriff. He then removed the harmonica from his mouth. "You wouldn't be able to collect the money if you caught him," the wolf said. "After all, you're a lawman, not a private citizen. Besides, I'm better than you." "And what makes you think that you are better than me?" Bravepaw growled. Blacktail grinned, and resumed playing the harmonica. "Oh, you think you're going to be a wise guy now," said Bravepaw. He tapped his gun. "Perhaps I ought to shoot that mouth piece of yours. It's giving me a headache." Blacktail's eyes stared at the lawman, with some anger in them. Then, they moved, and as they moved, so did his right hand, towards his gunbelt. A split second later, Bravepaw jumped back, a bullet just missing his feet. "I'm going to get you for that!" Blacktail removed the harmonica from his mouth, as he holstered his gun. "Check where you just stood a moment ago." He resumed playing. Braveheart looked at the spot, and his eyes bulged. At the spot he'd been standing, was a rattlesnake, its head blown clean off. Blacktail removed his harmonica again. "Those make good eating, you ought to know. Feel free to keep it." He resumed playing, yet again. |
| At this point Eartha had heard the gunshots and knew there was a fight going on, She had to surface before her tunnel collapsed on her |
| "Oh, it's just those two," Eartha said when she popped up from the ground. Sheriff Bravepaw and Gunman Blacktail had one of those strange friend/enemy relationships that was constantly drawing them into encounters with each other. Sheriff Bravepaw snorted. "That will be the day when I'm down to eating snake meat. That's more your style, Blacktail, living alone out in the wilderness like some kind of hermit." "I'm only alone when I want to be," said Blacktail. "And considering how hard to get along with most people are, I want to be alone a lot." |
| Bravepaw says "Okay, sense your some kind of Bounty Hunter, I'm hiring you to bring in Ramp alive." Blacktail says "Don't you mean, Dead or Alive?" Bravepaw says "I mean what I said, bring him Alive, you'll get reward money, but bring him Dead, you don't get didley, is that clear?" |
| Blacktail grinned. "What if he gives me a dollar more than he's worth? Might be willing to walk away if given that much money." |
| Eartha spat out some pebbles "Y'all can take him out to see the Queen of England if y'all can keep this spat out of my prospectin' site!" |
| Meanwhile, Bravepaw returned to his office when 3 men showed up, one wearing a rope for a belt. "You got to help us Sheriff, the coach we were on just got robbed!" Bravepaw says "Okay, describe the robbers and what do they look like." One of them points to the wanted poster behind Bravepaw. "Only one and he looks exactly like him!" Bravepaw turned around "Ramp, I should've known." He turns back to the men, "Don't worry, I'll make sure you get all your belongings back including your belt." |
| "My wife gave me that belt," the one man said. "Before or after she use it on you?" another asked. "Hey! Now that's kind of personal!" the first man said. |
| "Son of a heathen idol!" Eartha yelled as she jumped up and down, stomping the dirt. "When I find the no good, low down skunk what stole my gold I will skin him alive and feed him to the rats." Sheriff Bravepaw found Gunman Blacktail drinking whiskey at the Hells Bells saloon. "Have a drink!" said Blacktail. "I've got some hot news for you." "Yeah?" said Bravepaw, "well I got some hot news for YOU. Our buddy Ramp just robbed the Carson City stage." "He did! Let's go see if we can pick up his trail." The two horses thundered across the desert until they came to the sight of the stagecoach robbery. The brush had been cleared from the trail. "I wish they hadn't done that," Blacktail said. "It don't make the trackin' any easier. Let's see what we got." They hopped off their horses and took to looking closely at the ground all around. |
| "Well, that roadrunner's trail's plenty clear enough in that direction," Blacktail pointed. Then, he pointed in another direction. "And there's another trail over there that isn't so clear. I'd wager that this trail is the real one." "Why would you say that?" Bravepaw asked. "That trail is too obvious," said Blacktail. "Probably leads to the edge of a cliff, or a bunch of boulders to make you think he used those to hide his trail, or some such thing. This one is more subtle, only the barest trace of a trail, not too many disturbed branches, and the ground is mostly rock, but there is some disturbed dust." "What if this one is the false trail, and the obvious one is the real one?" Bravepaws asked. "We'll each take a trail, and follow it for a few hundred yards," said Blacktail. "If the trail dies, double back and follow the other until we meet up." |
| Eartha hopped up onto the bar and put her hands on her hips. "Listen up all you lazy cowpokes! Some slimeball bean eater has done stole my gold! He is going to suffer the torments of Hell when I find him. And I will find him!" "Have a drink, Eartha!" said a cowboy. "I'm sorry to hear you suffered a loss." Blacktail and Bravepaw followed their two roadrunner trails. Bravepaw hadn't gone very far along his when he sensed something was not quite right. |
| When Bravepaw followed his trail, he then noticed that the trail stopped at the edge of a cliff. "Whoa!" He immediately backed off, "Nice try Ramp, but I'm too smart to fall for that." |
| Blacktail's trail became less like a hidden trail, and more like someone had been walking off the road. Eventually, he located a group of trees, where his nose, and some droppings, told him that a horse had been hidden at. He lost it not much further on when the horse got on a well-traveled road, and the scent became mingled with that of other horses. Even the scent of the roadrunner had dissipated, in part because there was a rather powerful fruity scent that all but blinded Blacktail's nose. "Lucky devil," the wolf muttered. Well, someone would be lucky at any rate. He recognized the perfume; it was something called Cinnamon Apple, and around these parts, the only one who used it was a whore named Abigail Winser, a human woman who knew just how to treat any man with money on him right. The scent brought to mind the last time he'd been with her. It had been a few weeks ago; she'd given him a tip that lead to a nice payday worth five thousand dollars. He'd given her her cut of the reward, a thousand dollars, and then they got down to other business, which cost him twenty dollars. After all, that woman knew a thing or two about trimming a man's fur coat so that the heat wouldn't affect them so much. That and dragging her into the bathtub had been fun. Then there was the bed; Abigail really knew how to treat a man right. The only thing was- Blacktail jerked his head up as he heard a sound, and saw Bravepaw riding on his horse towards him, leading his. "Find anything?" The lawman asked, getting off. "He took the road," Blacktail said. "I lost the trail." Bravepaw took a deep breath. "I don't blame you. Hard to track anyone after you smell that Cinnamon Apple stuff that Abigail wears." "And you would know," said Blacktail. "It's no secret that you see here." "You see her as well," said Bravepaw. "Hell, so does most any man around here." "She's a good informant," said Blacktail. "I know," said Bravepaw. "And a good woman for any man." |
| Eartha at the Saloon ordered just a glass of water someone snuck something into it because she passed out |
| When she woke up she was in a little room somewhere. She figured it must be at the hotel. It's not like the town was so big you could get lost in it. Funny thing was she was tied to the bed. What was this? Kinky cowboys? She hoped not. A weasel entered the room. "Ah, the prospector is awake. I hear you have found a lot of gold." "What business of yours, is it, stranger? And why am I tied to this bed?" |
| Meanwhile, Bravepaw and Blacktail rode into town. "I can't believe that we lost him," said Bravepaw. "Why is it that, when you say we, it sounds like you're indicating that I did something wrong?" Blacktail asked. "It's not my fault that the Cinnamon Apple perfume masked his scent like it did. Maybe we can convince criminals to wear the stuff, so that we can track them down easier." "He can't have gone too far," said Bravepaw. "This town is the only place with a doctor and a general store for at least a hundred miles, to say nothing about the bank, among other things." The lawman went over to the Sheriff's Office, as Blacktail went to the Hotel. "Better luck tomorrow!" Blacktail yelled. He then went inside, and went to the Manager at the desk, who was staring up at the ceiling, whith a frown on his face. "Anything for me?" "What? Oh, no." The manager kept looking up. "Something going on?" Blacktail asked. "Trouble," the manager said. "A couple of newlyweds, or so that weasel claimed that he and this unconscious mole were. Gave them the room above us." "Because the bed is right over your desk, right? I know how this thing works." "I don't know what you're accusing me of," the manager said. Blacktail grinned. "Right. So, what's wrong?" "It doesn't sound right, that's what," the manager said. "Listen." Blacktail cocked an ear upwards. "Sounds more like an argument over mineral rights than a couple of newlyweds enjoying their first time married." "Yeah," the manager said. "Could you by chance accidentally open their door, and claim that you went to the wrong room? If nothing else, it will shut them up." "Let's hope it's no one I'm after," said Blacktail. "I remember the last time," said the manager. "Had to replace the windows, bring the bed back inside, paint the walls, and the ceiling, to say nothing about the fire damage to the carpet!" "You forgot to mention the issue about the hole in your wife's dress that I had to shoot through to get his leg," said Blacktail. "Yeah, she really appreciated that part," said the manager. "Especially since she was wearing it." "But at least she was safe and sound," said Blacktail. "I'll try not to damage anything this time." The manager reached under the desk, and pulled out a double-barrel shotgun. "Please have the courtesy to open the window before you toss him out. He forgot to pay me. I'd like to remind him of it." |
| Blacktail climbed the stairs, his thick boots clumping and jingling, the stairs creaking. Jeez, he thought, I'd hate to have to sneak up these stairs. At the door to the weasel's room, Blacktail paused for a moment, listening, then quickly wrenched open the door. "Oops!" he said. "Pardon me! Wrong room." But he recognized the little mole lady tied to the bed. It was the prospector they had seen earlier on the trail. "Wait!" she said. "Help me!" The weasel drew a gun. "What the hell? You just go busting into people's rooms, cowboy?" Blacktail put his hands up. "Don't shoot, pardner. It was an honest mistake. I ain't interested in what kind of games you and your girlfriend want to play." "I ain't his girlfriend!" Eartha said. The weasel slapped her. "Shut up!" Then he turned to Blacktail. "OK, cowboy. On your way. You're not welcome here." Blacktail backed out of the room and the door was shut in his face. He heard the lock click. |
| Blacktail grinned. "I guess he likes things rough." With that, he went to his room, and picked up a ten-gauge Winchester model 1887 lever-action shotgun. It held one round in the barrel, and five in a tube, giving it six shots, unlike the usual scatter gun, which only had two. That, and it was always interesting to see the looks on peoples' faces, as they saw the barrel pointing at them. He checked it, loaded it, walked over to the honeymoon suit, stood to the side, and knocked on the door. "Room service!" he called, in a voice similar to the manager's. "We don't want any!" came the weasel's voice. At the same time, Eartha yelled "Help!" "Shut up." Blacktail heard a slap. "Talk only when I tell you to." Blacktail pulled out his key. Funny thing about hotels - locks and keys were all the same, and any key could open any lock. In many cases, it was only a man's reputation that could prevent another guest from taking his things, and he had a reputation. Blacktail stuck the key in the lock, unlocked the door, and kicked it in, pointing the shotgun at the weasel. "What the hell?" the weasel exclaimed. "Who the hell do you think you are?" "Quick-Draw Blacktail," said Blacktail. The weasel's eyes bulged, and he dropped his gun. "I heard you was dead." "Not hardly," said Blacktail. "Are you going to let her go, or do you want to take a flying lesson out the window?" The weasel pulled out a knife. "Easy," Blacktail said. "The owner doesn't like having to repaint the rooms here." The weasel cut Eartha free. "Drop the knife." The knife fell to the floor. "Now, get out of here before I throw you out." The weasel left the room. Blacktail walked to the window, and watched as the weasel ran out of the hotel and down the street. "I doubt he'll be bothering you around here, Miss," said Blacktail. "Thanks," said Eartha. "Now I have to find out who stole my gold." "How much did they take?" Blacktail asked. "Could of bought at least five hundred acres of good land for either farming or grazing," said Eartha. "I'll keep my ears open, in case I hear anything." "Thanks again." |
| The weasel ran down the stairs, he sees the manager smiling then the runs out the door and down the street but didn't made it past the sheriff's office as Bravepaw says "Whoa there, where's the fire?" then Bravepaw recognized him "Wally the weasel, who's claim did you jump this time?" Wally says "What do you mean?" Bravepaw says "You Claim Jumpers are all alike, violating other claims at gunpoint the way you ran it looks like you ran into Blacktail, so why don't you step inside my office, I got a nice cozy cell waiting for you." |
| Wally was not pleased, he wasn't sure if with his Weasel Speed and Agility he could make quick dash for the Coyote's jugular and then dash away |
| "Don't even think about it," Sheriff Blackpaw said. "What?" said Wally, "you're a mind reader now?" "I don't need to be a mind reader to know what a skunk smells like. I've cornered enough of you last ditch types to know what you're thinking. Can I make a break for it and get away? Well... can you? Do you feel lucky, punk?" "I guess not," Wally said. Meanwhile Ramp the outlaw Roadrunner was on his way to the hotel with his pockets stuffed with cash. There had been nearly three hundred dollars in the wallets of the stagecoach riders, a lot of money back in those days. He had his top notch of hair slicked down. He spoke quietly and managed to get a room without drawing any attention to himself. After a hot bath he stretched out on the bed and counted his cash again. If he didn't screw up he could live for several weeks on that money. |
| Blacktail was enjoying a hot bath of his own, which included being scrubbed by Abigail. "I'm surprised you came to see me," the woman said. "I smelled Cinnamon Apple perfume out on the trail, and I had a hunger for you," said Blacktail. "I bet you say that to all the girls." She ruffled the fur between his ears. Blacktail grinned. "None smell as good as you do." He then grabbed her, brought her to the edge of the tub, and gently kissed her. Abigail chuckled. "That's going to cost you." |
| Blacktail says "No matter what the cost is, it's well worth it." Meanwhile, Ramp fell asleep in his bed, and currently having a nightmare. A showdown with the Kat brothers, a trio of Meerkat bounty hunters. Lou, the eldest of the three says "Ramp, I'm giving you the count of five to draw before we fill you full of lead. Ready Hal?" Hal, goes in the draw position. "Ready." Lou then says "Ready Butch?" Butch then goes into the draw position "Ready." Lou then goes into the draw position "One, Two, Three, Four..." |
| Eartha meanwhile was trying to figure out how to get her Gold back, if Wally wasn't the one who took it who was? |
| What she needed, Eartha decided, was a good man hunter, somebody who could track down an outlaw and catch him. That Blacktail wolf seemed like he knew what he was doing. Maybe she would ask him to help her. Ramp woke up in a sweat. "Goldarn it! All this money and it don't give me no peace! Now I got to worry about gettin' caught! If it ain't one thing it's another!" Blacktail and Abigail continued their leisurely bath. |
| By this time, Blacktail had pulled Abigail into the tub, and her outfit wasn't concealing all that much anymore. Abigail laughed however, and with Blacktail's help, was removing her clothing. Eventually, there was nothing on her, and Blacktail was enjoying what Abigail called foreplay. It was then that someone knocked on the door. "Kind of busy in here," said Blacktail. "Someone wants to hire you for something," said the proprietor. "Tell them to go away." Blacktail kissed Abigail. "It's a mole prospector," said the Proprietor. "She says she wants to hire you to help her recover some stolen ore." "Eartha? She wants to hire me?" Blacktail asked. "That's what she says." "Friend of yours?" Abigail asked. "Just someone who is having issues with thieves," said Blacktail, as he got out of the tub. He then called out. "Tell her to give me a few minutes to get dried and dressed!" "I'll keep an opening for you," said Abigail, as she got out of the tub. "I'm sure you will, unless it gets filled by Bravepaw or some other male," said Blacktail. "By the way, the roadrunner Rump is in the area. Do me a favor, and let me know if you see him." Abigail grinned. "Sure, just as long as I get my cut of the reward money." "I always give you your share of the money," Blacktail said. He then grabbed a hold of Abigail, and kissed her. "Until later?" "Until later." "Just be careful if Rump shows up." Abigail grinned. "I'm always careful when it comes to men." |
| As the Sheriff hauled Wally inside, his deputy, a rattlesnake named Fangg stood from his nap. and opened the cell door. "Let me guess," said Fangg, "Claim jumping." Bravepaw closed the door as Wally entered the cell "That's what I believe." |
| Ms. Liza Maybelly, a leading lady of the town, came running breathless into Sheriff Bravepaw's office. "Sheriff! Sheriff! There is a bunch of mole rats in town... and they is naked!" Sheriff Bravepaw sighed. "Well, Liza, that's why they call them naked mole rats." Fangg spat a drop of venom on the floor. "There oughta to be a law against that kind of silliness." A couple of ants on the floor who happened to be near where the drop of venom splashed rolled their eyes up until the whites showed, then fell over dead. Eartha the prospector mole and Blacktail the gunman wolf came to an agreement. He would get a third of everything he recovered for her. "You is a damn pirate!" Eartha said. Blacktail shrugged. "It's dangerous work. If I get shot and killed I'll never see that third. You're lucky I didn't hold out for half of everything, but I know how much hard work goes into prospecting. Now,If you will excuse me, I have someone waiting for me." |
| Blacktail then entered a room, where Abigail was waiting, looking out a window. "Something going on?" he asked. "Naked naked mole rats," said Abigail. Blacktail took a look. "Nothing really interesting." "Yeah, I've seen a thing or two," said Abigail, as she closed the shade. "Now, how about I show you a thing or two." She got out a specially made bit-and-bridal set. "Kinky." "Get's even better when it's your turn to ride me." Blacktail grinned. "I can imagine." |
| "Hello, gents!" said the bartender. "Did you not see the sign that says No shoes, no shirt, no service? "No, we didn't see it," said the biggest mole rat. He grabbed the bartender's shirt collar and pulled their two faces close together. "If I did see it would I notice the line at the bottom that says With the exception of naked mole rats? "You might notice that," said the bartender as a bead of sweat rolled down his forehead. |
| Bravepaw walked into the saloon "I'll have my usual Franklin." and sees the mole rats roughing up the bartender, "Boys, I can't arrest you because it's within your nature not to wear clothes, but playing kink games like this is highly illegal in my town. So lay off the bartender." |
| "Besides, Blacktail's in town," said Bravepaw. The Chief Naked Mole Rat looked at him. "Why haven't you arrested him? He's a killer. More than thirty people are buried because of him." "Funny thing about that," said Bravepaw. "He's only killed five people, and those were Self-Defense, or Defense of Another. Everyone else gets shot in the hands, arm, or shoulder. After all, a Bounty is worth more if brought in Alive." "He's still caused the deaths of others," said the mole rat. "Are you trying to say that he was Judge, Jury, and Executioner for the others that were found Guilty by townsfolk, sentenced by a Circuit Judge, and hung by the Hangman's gallows?" Bravepaw asked. "I doubt he'd go that far. After all, in his line of work, he doesn't like cheating folks out of their money." "So, where is he?" Bravepaw grinned. "If I know him, paying a visit to Abigail Winser, whom I plan to visit when I get off duty. So, consider yourself warned about that." "And if I decide to go after him?" Bravepaw looked him over. "Your funeral. He's faster than I am, and just about as accurate as me. As it is, I just locked up the last guy that had a run-in with him, Wally the Weasel. Seems he had the sense to run instead of challenging him to a quick-draw competition." |
| The mole rats exchanged glances with each other. "Wally the Weasel, you say?" said their leader. "Interesting. What's the chance of me getting to talk to him, Sheriff?" "I don't run a dungeon. If a prisoner wants to talk to a visitor, that's fine. But if that visitor has any ideas of smuggling anything into my jail he better think twice." "No, I just want to talk to him. You tell Wally that Gunther the Mole Rat wants to chat with him." |
| Bravepaw says "I'll see what I can do." Freddie gives Bravepaw a glass of buttermilk. "Here's you go Sheriff, you're usual." Gunther asks "This is a bar, you're supposed to drink either sarsaparilla or whiskey." Bravepaw sips his buttermilk, "I don't drink while on duty." |
| As for Blacktail, he'd finished the more strenuous part of his time with Abigail. Now he was laying in bed, enjoying having her close to him. He breathed in the scent of her perfume, and enjoyed her fingers running through his fur. |
| At the jail, while Sheriff Bravepaw sat at his desk, Gunther the naked mole rat had a whispered conversation through the bars with Wally the Weasel. "You old skunk," Gunther said. "What's the story on this Blacktail fellow?" "He's good with a gun," Wally said. "I'm sure of that." "Which side of the law is he on?" "The wrong side as far as we're concerned," Wally said. "Although... I wouldn't be surprised if he ain't overly strict about that, but he does seem to be good friends with the sheriff." Gunther looked over his shoulder to see if Sheriff Bravepaw was listening, then whispered very quietly, "We're breaking you out of here tonight. Make sure you don't sleep near the wall. Get behind your mattress when you hear us outside." |
| "Well, if you're going to use dynamite, use just one stick, and use it over in the corner," said Wally. "Natural weak spot, and it won't make the whole place fall down." |
| Meanwhile under the town,something ancient and enormous was waking up after a thousand year sleep, a Giant Earthworm |
| The Giant Earthworm was the sleeping form of the desert god Teohuaco. As he awakened he yawned and stretched and that caused a small earthquake. "Whoa!" said Wally as the jail trembled. "Was that an earthquake?" "Felt like it," Gunther said. "Maybe if you're lucky the jail will fall down before we get to dynamite it." Sheriff Bravepaw woke up from his nap when the earthquake shook the building. "Alright, visiting time is over." |
| Meanwhile, Blacktail looked at Abigail. "Was it just me, or did the Earth move?" "You might want to put your pants on, quickly," said Abigail. "That was a tremor." "Tremor?" "Spent some time in California," said Abigail. "If you feel one of those, get out into the middle of the street." "Why?" "Otherwise the place might fall on you when a big one hits." "Ah. Do you think that will happen?" "I've never felt a tremor out here, so I wouldn't know," said Abigail. Blacktail got up, grabbed his pants, and his gun. "So, you grew up in California?" "Spent some time there," said Abigail. "Spent some time there trying to save up money to go to Australia, but then my sister took sick so I came this way to be with her." "What happened?" "Arrived in time for the funeral." Blacktail frowned. "I'm sorry." "I'm not," said Abigail. "I met you and Bravepaw because of my choice to come here." "So, between me and Bravepaw, who do you think is better?" Abigail grinned. "A woman doesn't talk about such things. However, you're both good men." Blacktail chuckled. "I wouldn't know about that." |
| Fangg came in to Bravepaw's office "Sheriff, that town fool, Sabreclaw is at it again. Coming up with a prophecy that doesn't make sense." Bravepaw says "Where is he now?" Fangg says "In the town square." Bravepaw grabbed his hat "I'll see what I can do." As he went into the streets he spotted Sabreclaw, a humanimal mountain lion, his predictions almost sound as he was crazy, "Teohuaco has awakened and that means great destruction to us all. Beware." Bravepaw says "Yes, I will arrest you if you stop all this crazy talk." |
| Some dirt fell from the ceiling of her burrow and she sneezed it off of her nose. In her dream she was being rocked to sleep by her old granny. Ramp Roadrunner woke up from his nap when the tremors hit. He ran to the window. In the town square a small group had gathered around a mountain lion who was talking about "Teohuaco" and "destruction". "Now what?" Ramp said. Maybe getting a room at the hotel was a bad idea. He should have just camped out in the desert like he usually did. But what was the good of having a bunch of money if you didn't spend it? |
| "More mouthy than usual," Blacktail said, as he heard Sabreclaw speak. "I think he needs to pay a visit to one of your friends." "He talks a little too much," said Abigail. "More interested in his predictions than our services." "Well, the important thing is that most everyone is outside." Blacktail pointed at Bravepaw, who was dragging a handcuffed Wally by the arm. He then sniffed the air, and slowly turn his head. "Well well well!" "What is it?" Abigail asked. "Over by the hotel, a roadrunner has just come out," said Blacktail. "And that roadrunner, is Rump." "What about it?" Abigail asked. "There's a $25,000 bounty on his head," said Blacktail. "If you could distract him long enough for me to sneak up on him, knock him out, and capture him, five thousand of that is yours." Abigail grinned. "I see. Use my feminine wiles on him, so he'll let his guard down." "It does get awfully lonely out in the desert," said Blacktail. "Perhaps I'll be gentleman enough to let you give him a kiss, or two, before I hit him on the head." |
| Sabreclaw spat out more of his crazy predictions "Heed my words everyone, the great worm God is coming. Teohuaco has awakened, disaster will soon fallow." |
| That's when Eartha woke up and realized what was happening, she ran to find Blacktail "Blacktail!" Shouted Eartha "The Prophet...He's speaking the Truth!" "What do you mean?" Blacktail asked "For generation we Moles have had legends of Great Worms that our ancestors did battle with...I guess for you a Wolf it would be like a Pig the size of Mount Everest." |
| Blacktail looked at her. "Uh... no disrespect intended but the day wolves start paying attention to the legendary myths of moles is the day pigs will fly, and I don't mean giant pigs." Eartha shook her finger at him. "Don't mock me! Moles know a lot more about what is happening underground than wolves ever will!" "Fine!" Blacktail said. "Suppose Sabreclaw is right and destruction is coming. What do you expect me to do?" "I don't know," Eartha said. "Exactly!" said Blacktail, "and therefore I am going to keep living my life as I was. Come on, Abigail. We've got a Roadrunner to catch." |
| Abigail gave Eartha a wink. "Don't worry too much. If something does happen, I'm sure that the boys will think of something, especially if us girls give them a nudge in the right direction." |
| Fang spotted Ramp by the hotel and whispered to Bravepaw "Sheriff, over by the hotel." Bravepaw sees Ramp, "I see him." He whispered back. "Shall I go capture him for you?" Bravepaw sees Abigail distracting Ramp with her charms while Blacktail sneaks behind. "That won't be necessary, He'll be in our cell soon enough." |
| Teohuaco stretched out his arms and the earth shook. He had slept for a thousand years. Now he was hungry. Above ground there was yelling and screaming as tremors shook the town again. Ramp tried to stay on his feet as the ground shook. "Holy Smokes! That was worse than the first one! I hate earthquakes!" |
| It was then that Abigail, whether by accident, or on purpose, lost her footing, right next to him. Ramp, well, he might of been an outlaw, but there are those things that mothers teach their sons about woman, and making sure they didn't come to harm being one of them, he managed to reach out with his arms, and prevented her from falling. "Are you alright?" Abigail fluttered her eyelashes. "I am now." She then gave him a gentle kiss. Ramp blinked at this. It had been a while since a woman had kissed him. "Um, you got a place to stay?" "If it's still standing," said Abigail. "Are you?" Ramp was about to answer, when something hit him on the head, causing him to black out. "Blacktail?" Abigail called out, as the outlaw slumped against her. "He's a little heavy." The weight was lifted off of her. "Not as heavy as some I've dealt with," said Blacktail, as he held onto Ramp, as if he was supporting a friend who'd had a little too much to drink. "I'll get you the money as soon as I get it." |
| Bravepaw said "Fangg, back to the office and get the cell door ready for another occupant." Fangg smiles "With pleasure." As he slithers back to the Sheriff's office. Bravepaw walks towards Blacktail, Abigail and a knocked out Ramp. "Good work, now let's get him to my office before he comes to." |
| Eartha said :If y'all don't have the sense to start packin' yer bags then I'll just head out." |
| On the edge of town, Eartha stopped to look back. "That's one pitiful little town, oblivious to the mythological forces at work beneath it, set in its ways, content to live as though life goes on forever. They are like an ant nest shortly before the little boy digs it open with a spoon and uses a magnifying glass to torture the ants. I pity them. What a bunch of losers." Then Eartha turned her back on the little town of Rattlesnake Gulch, found a soft spot on the ground that led to one of her tunnels, and stuck her snout into the soil. "Ah, the sweet smell of dirt!" Ramp woke up in a jail cell. "About time you woke up," said a weasel who shared the cell with him. "If I was you I wouldn't sleep too close to that wall. I've got some friends who might be breaking me out after midnight. They will be using dynamite." Ramp stared at the weasel. "Thanks for the warning. What time is it now?" |
| "Just before midnight," said Wally. "That is if the clock over there on the wall is correct." "Well, what if something goes wrong with your friends plan?" Rump asked. "Have you got an eye on the keys?" "Over in the Sheriff's desk," said Wally. "Good to know, if someone on the other side comes to help." |
| Wally Weasel's mole rat friend Gunther happened to be just outside the jail lighting the dynamite when the earthquake hit. "Holy Teohuaco!" Gunther exclaimed as the explosion was followed by a powerful shaking. The entire wall of the jail fell down so that all Wally and Ramp had to do was just step over the rubble. |
| In his private chambers above his office, Bravepaw is woken by the tremor and the sound of an explosion. Fangg asked "Sheriff? Are you okay?" The Sheriff says "Yes Fangg, what was that?" Fangg says "Just an Earth tremor." Bravepaw says "Sense when does a tremor go boom?" Fangg says "That explosion sounded it came from downstairs." The Sheriff then got out of bed real quick and grabbed his hat "Come on, I believe we got a jailbreak!" |
| Eartha couldn't move a muscle. She was frozen in place staring at the awesome apparition. It had the head and shoulders and chest of a powerful Indian warrior chief, but from the waist down it was an earthworm. It rose higher and higher into the sky, swaying like a snake. A thunderous voice came from it's lips. "I am Teahuaco, God of the Desert! I bring destruction of all that is followed by a rebirth into all that will be. Let the rains begin!" There was a clap of thunder. Dark clouds spread across the desert and rain began to pour. Ramp and Wally were riding well out of town with Gunther and the mole rats. They all had horses who didn't seem to mind their strange riders. "Rain?" said Wally. "I've heard of this. It's called the 1000-year bloom. Every thousand years a great rainstorm comes to the desert and plants bloom that have been growing for centuries." "We better watch out for flash flooding," Ramp said. "These desert streambeds weren't meant to handle a deluge." |
| Bravepaw looked at the ruined wall of the jailcell. "Don't you hate it when they bust out?" Bravepaw chuckled. "Come to laugh, Blacktail?" "Not really," the wolf said to the coyote. "Still, it is annoying. All that work, and they don't appreciate it." "Yeah, and now I have to go after them," Bravepaw said, as he went inside, and grabbed his gun. Blacktail place his hands on the Sheriff. "How about I go after him, and you pay a visit to Abigail? The spot next to her is still warm." "How warm?" Bravepaw asked. "Warm enough," said Blacktail. "She would like to see you." "She's one heck of a woman," said Bravepaw. "Not many are willing to juggle two men at once," said Blacktail. "I doubt they'd put the story in a Dime Novel," said Bravepaw. |
| Bravepaw took Blacktail's advice and paid a visit to Abigail. "Sheriff," she said, "Glad you stopped by, by the way. Distracting Ramp was my idea, Blacktail did the rest. Let me guess, he escaped. I heard the explosion." Bravepaw says "He sure did along with Wally the weasel. Blacktail is tracking them down as we speak." Abigail says "Why don't you come inside, you look a bit stressed, I can relieve you of all that stress." |
| Sheriff Bravepaw considered her offer. "What about the destruction of our world, Abigail? Surely you must have noticed that 100-foot-tall, Indian-headed, earthworm thing hovering over the town?" "That thing is real?! I thought I was hallucinating again! Oh my God, Bravepaw! What are we gonna do?" "I propose we get out of town. I know which way Blacktail went. We can meet up with him." "Let's go then!" Abigail said. "I suggest you put on some more clothes first. That little skimpy nightie won't hold up to the rain too well. Although I reckon it might look right pretty on you when it's soaking wet and clinging." "Are you sure you don't want to dilly dally a bit first before we leave town, sheriff?" "I'm sure. Teohuaco just grew another 50 feet taller. Hurry up, girl!" Meanwhile, Eartha the naked mole rat hunkered down in her burrow trying to sleep, but the shaking and the thunder and the drops of water leaking from her roof all conspired to keep her awake. |
| Blacktail paused in his search, and looked at the worm. "I'd sure like to see the tequila bottle he came out of." |
| Ramp and Wally and Gunther came across an old cabin. "Let's rest in there for awhile," Ramp said. "I'm tired of this rain." The cabin only ad half a roof, but it was enough to keep the worst of the rainfall off of them. Blacktail was sitting quietly on his horse, head nodded over, the rain beating down on his poncho, when Bravepaw and Abigail rode up. "What are you doing?" Bravepaw said. "Sleeping?" "Just resting. The rain washed away most of their trail." |
| "Got any ideas?" Bravepaw asked. "There's an abandoned cabin some miles away from here," said Blacktail. "Only has half a roof, but there should be room to hold up until the rain stops." |
| Ramp woke up at the sound of horses approaching. He listened for awhile, the threw off his blanket and reached for his pistol. "Don't do it," said a voice from the window. Sheriff Bravepaw was standing there with his big six-shooter aimed at Ramp's chest. Ramp slowly raised his hands. Wally and Gunther did likewise since now Blacktail was also pointing a gun at them. "How did you find me?" Ramp said. "Pure chance," Bravepaw answered. "Or maybe it was with the help of the great god Teohuaco. He seems to be on the move tonight." "You ain't got no jail, sheriff!" said Wally. "So what do you plan to do with us?" "First of all, I'm going to confiscate your guns and your money. I suppose you already spent some of that stagecoach money, Ramp, but you probably have a lot of it left. You always were a cheap miserly sort." "Then what?" Wally said. "Then I'm gonna run you out of my territory. Now what that means, boys, is that if you ever show your faces in my jurisdiction again, then you'll be in a heap of trouble. And maybe by then I'll have my jail rebuilt and we can finish out your sentences. If you're smart, you'll leave here and just keep going. Well, what's it going to be?" "I reckon we'll go," said Gunther. "Take our money, take our guns, you low down skunks. I don't want to ever see this place again with your crazy earthworm gods and your earthquakes." Blacktail, Bravepaw, and Abigail watched the weasel and the road runner and the mole rats saddle up and ride off into the rain, minus their weapons and money. "Will they come back?" Abigail asked. "I don't think so," Bravepaw said. "And if they do, they'll be mighty sorry." |
| The rain slowed to a drizzle and stopped. It was getting close to dawn. "Come on," Bravepaw said. "We better go see what's left of our town. Time to think about rebuilding." The End! |
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