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Strange things happen at an inn located on a space-time nexus |
| [Introduction] ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** The Rune Doubloon is an inn that happens to be located on a fault line in the metaverse where three dimensions intersect... The dimension of talking animals The dimension of pirates The dimension of eternal war where a war has been going on since the dawn of time ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
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| Octavio was the best bartender at the Rune Doubloon. He was the best because he was an octopus. He could mix eight drinks at once. But he was not the most popular bartender. His grey skin and weird eyes made some customers uncomfortable. The most popular bartender at the Rune Doubloon was a human female named Betty Delight. She had a pretty face, a quick smile, and a good figure. Never mind that she sometimes brought you the wrong drink. At least when she smiled at you, you didn't get the creeps about it. It was a slow night and most of the tables were empty - a couple of pirates at one table, four soldiers at another, and then there was the table of hyenas. They just couldn't stop laughing. One of the pirates said to them, "Argh! Listen, mates, must ye be laughing that awful hyena laugh all night?" The room grew quiet. It was bad manners to ask anyone to shut up. Betty Delight stepped in to save the situation. "Why, Black Jake! You told me yesterday there wasn't nothing sweeter to the ear than the chuckling of a hyena." Black Jake snorted. "Did I say that, Betty? I must have been drinking." The other pirate laughed. Black Jake was always drinking. "Come on, Jake. Let's have another ale." The tension evaporated and the buzz of conversation and laughter returned. |
| The Soldiers didn't like the Pirates or the Animals very much, but they had to tolerate them because that was the rule of the Rune Doubloon. The Soldiers were dressed like they came from the Revolutionary War |
| Of course, there was several other people on duty at the bar. Two of them were Boris and Kieth. Boris was a polar bear, whose sheer size often quelled brawls before they got out of hand. While he normally used his muscles to get drink kegs hauled into the places they were needed, he was also a bouncer for the place. While on the job, he spoke with a thick Russian accent, and spoke as if English was a second language he was still learning. Thing was, off the clock, he actually spoke in the manner of someone from Texas, and he had a habit of reading Shakespearean poetry. Kieth, on the other hand, was an otter, who was employed as a janitor. He spent his time cleaning the floors, mopping out the restroom, taking out the trash, and all of the other necessities to keeping a place clean. He as also skilled in using his cleaning tools as weapons - more than one would-be brawler had gotten their face full of a wet mop, before getting hit between the legs with the handle - Kieth believed that "fighting fair" only applied to "show fights" in the arena, any place else was "anything goes". While most people ignored him, when there was a fight, they kept an eye out for him, as more than a few supposedly unbeatable warriors had fallen to a face full of wet mop, and a handle between the legs. Boris was busy reading an "English to Russian : Русский на Aнглийский" (Russkiy na angliyskiy - Russian to English) Translation book, with one eye on the patrons. Kieth was busy mopping. "Quiet night," said the otter. "Da," said the polar bear. Kieth looked at Boris. "You know very well you don't need that." Boris grinned. "It prove useful. People not know you better than they are." "I don't get it," said Kieth. "They think I stupid. They not know I outsmart them," said Boris. "Much like you; people think you weak and terrible fighter, but you be good and skilled fighter." |
| "I see what you mean," Keith said. "It's a good strategy. Let them think you are less than you are, then surprise them by being more than they thought." "Da!" Boris said. "You got it." Octavio had been listening. "Hey, I got news for you guys. You're both less than you think you are." Black Jake and Mad Bill, the two pirates, were getting very drunk. "Argh!" said Bill. "Where's your parrot tonight, Jake?" Jake looked at his shoulder. "Heyyyy, where is me parrot?" He looked around at the other patrons. "Who stole me parrot?!" Bill shushed him. "It wasn't there when you walked in, Bill. Maybe you left it on the ship?" "I never go anywhere without me parrot! Argh! Polly, where are you?" Seeking to have some fun, one of the soldiers said in a small, squeaky voice, "I'm over here, you old fool." Black Jake looked at the soldiers' table and drew his sword out, almost falling off his chair when he did. "Which one of you scallywags stole me parrot? I'll slice ye into bacon!" |
| The Soldiers were getting tense Just then two Talking Animals walked in a Blue Dragon named Trafalgar True and a White Tigress named Dally. "What's going on here?" Asked Dally |
| "Then we came to the right place," said Dally. "Yeah," said Trafalgar. "We want to get stinking drunk." "Then I recommend the Rum Punch," said a soldier named Van. "It's smooth on the tongue but rough on the brain." "No, no, no," said another soldier. "Straight whiskey shots. That's how to get drunk fast." "It does not have to be fast," said Dally. "Rum Punch sounds delicious. What do you think, Trafalgar?" "I think we can each make our own decision about what to drink. I told you to stop asking me to back up every decision you make. Take responsibility for yourself. Don't shift it off on me." |
| Dally was miffed but refrained from further chit-chat as they slid up to the bar. "Did you hear the news from Animal Land?" The Blue Dragon asked Betty "What's the news?" asked Betty "Several Animal Astronomers have discovered what may have been an ancient civilization of Animal Land's Moon!" The Soldier Van spat out his drink "That's impossible! The Moon is just a barren hunk of rock!" |
| "I know that moon has no atmosphere," Van said. "How do you have a civilization with no air to breathe?" Boris shrugged. " Maybe many years ago have air. You not know." "There was air," said the Blue Dragon. "That moon was once a magical garden filled with plants and animals." "Magic?" said Van. "Now I know you're telling me a fairy tale. I don't believe in magic, my friend." |
| "Then how do Dragons like me breathe fire? Explain that!" The Dragon was about to breathe a puff of flame "Truly..." Dally soothed "Tonight we're about fun and merriment." Truly snorted "Fine." He said Van resumed drinking his rum punch, but he couldn't stop looking at Dally's tail swishing back and forth...Connected to that shapely rump Van shuddered 'Ye Gods!' He chastised himself internally 'What am I doing?! She's a Beast! A Monster! Like all the rest of those freaks who come here!' |
| "Tell me more about Animal Land's moon," Betty said. Truly, the Blue Dragon, took a long swig from his mug, set it down, and wiped his lips. "It's a beautiful moon, but just rock now. They discovered the ruins underground in a cavern. They are many thousands of years old, but protected all this time because they are underground. Nothing lasts on the surface of the moon because eventually it is pounded into dust by meteorites." "And what sort of beings lived in the ruins? Do you know that?" |
| "Everything is worth a drink to you," Keith said. "Me like to drink. So what? Work in bar. Drink good thing." "What do the ruins look like?" Betty asked. "I love old ruins and abandoned cities." "The moon people don't seem to have had much in the way of art," said Truly. "Only a few stone carvings have been found. They were very abstract. One theory is that they represented where stars were in the sky." "Maybe the moon people were traveling through space and their spaceship broke down so they became stranded on Animal Lands' moon?" "Maybe," Truly said. There was a crash as the door at the main entrance was flung open and a peacock strutted in. He expanded his tail in a dazzling display of color and said, "Greetings, Rune Doublooners! I am Jeffrey Wintergreen Dazzletail and I have arrived to drink and play. Does anyone know the game of Harlequin's Quest, the best card game ever played?" |
| Everyone just scratched their heads, none of them heard of that game Then the Pirate Burnt Beard, drunk as all get out hiccuped and said "I'll play with you talking feather duster!" Van looked at his comrades "Burnt Beard once shot his first mate in the kneecaps during a card game." Van said quietly"Things could get real ugly real quick." |
| "No worry about that," Boris said, pointing at a sign. "'No Weapons Allowed!' and folks know better than to try and use one, right?" Some of the patrons chuckled nervously. Boris tended to toss offenders out the door, after breaking their weapons over their heads. Most folks were smart enough not to use them in a bar brawl, unless they wanted to get tossed out for good. |
| Playboy Jeffrey Dazzletail and pirate Burnt Beard sat across from each other while a half dozen spectators watched them play. "My Red Harlequin trumps your Squid," Jeffrey said. He raked in the coins on the table. The stacks of coins in front of him were growing larger while the pirate's stacks were shrinking. Burnt Beard's eyes narrowed. "But I thought last hand you said the Squid could beat a Harlequin?" "That was last hand. Odd and even, my friend. The hands alternate. One must keep track of whether the hand is odd or even." "Bullshit!" said Burnt Beard. "Ye be trying to play me for a fool. Yer nothing but a shark and a cheat. I want me coins returned to me. Or else." "It was a fair game! I owe you nothing because you are ignorant." Burnt Beard stood up, pushing his chair back so it screeched across the wooden floor. "Or else!" |
| Instantly, Boris was behind the pirate. "Problem?" Burnt Beard gulped. "He's cheating." "I am not," said Jeffry. "It's not my fault he doesn't know the game." Boris looked at the money on the table. "Play different game, one you both know. Fair?" Burnt Bread gulped. "Sounds fair to me." Jeffry rolled his eyes. "Crybaby." |
| Meanwhile outside the Rune Doubloon, in a dark corner,there was a pile of slime, it was slowly growing larger and larger and was growing in sentience |
| Standing near the pile of slime was Ynys Tuath, a Druid. He was making mysterious hand gestures and chanting: Furleaghoven sadh remanni moonagh Terflugen a chelogha taberlund sagh When the pile was as large as a person, it began to assume the shape of one. "That's right, Slime Boy," said the druid. "Grow and awaken." After a few more moments, the slime pile had completely transformed into a young man. He was naked and wet-looking with greenish skin. Ynys Tuath opened a bundle he had brought with him and tossed a blouse and some pantaloons at the slime boy. "Get dressed. We have work to do." |
| Most of the Patrons had left, in fact the only ones left were the Human Soldiers Then Ynys entered with Slime Boy |
| Van nudged his buddy Pete. "Look! A druid." Pete turned around to stare. "I thought the last of the druids died centuries ago." "No," Van said, "there are still druid cults around, but not many and they are usually very secretive. It's odd that this druid would so boldly enter a public place." Ynys and Slime Boy sat down at a table. Ynys told Betty, "I'll have a lemon fizz and for my friend a salamander smoothie." |
| Kieth rolled his eyes. He'd have to clean the floor again. He looked at Slime Boy. "Is that the strangest thing you've ever seen?" he asked, quietly. Boris looked from behind a poetry book. "Seen stranger. Once work at place that connect to a Sci-Fi World, a Fantasy World, a Horror Wold, and an Adult Fairy Tale World. Saw stranger in that place." "Adult Fairy Tale World?" Kieth asked. "Put this way, Goldilocks enjoy more than Little Bear's porridge, chair, and bed, and also, Little Bear not exactly little cub in this world, and Goldilocks not little girl," said Boris. "Same with Little Red Riding Hood and Big Bad Wolf, and Little Bo Peep and those sheep." "I see," said Kieth. "And Horror World?" "They were decent folks, and the Zombies only asked for Beer, and no one tried to eat anyone there," said Boris. "Sci-Fi world had plenty of strange creatures, as did Fantasy, but they all behaved in that place. In their own worlds, I didn't ask." "Smart thinking there," said Kieth. |
| As Betty brought the Druid and Slime Boy their drinks Slime Boy said "I hear a lot of strange things have been happening..." "Like what?" Betty asked "Like a bunch of Pirates planning to ransack to other two universe." Said Slime Boy...That was a lie Ynys had programed him to say those things |
| "I haven't heard that," Betty said. "Is this official gossip or just some random crap you made up?" "Uhhh..." Slime Boy looked to the druid for help. Ynys Tuath said, "It was a topic of discussion at Baker's Inn. You are aware of that establishment?" "Never been there," Betty said, "but I've heard of it." "It was our last stop before arriving here. They make a great rhubarb pie. Do you serve pie here?" "Of course! But not rhubarb." |
| Van was looking at the Druid and the Slime Boy...He had no love for pirates but if these two were rabble rousers... |
| Boris walked over to Ynys. "First time here?" "Why, yes it is," said Ynys. "Good, here rule: enjoy food, drink, women, or man, depending on preference, fight in designated area under fight rules, no fight in no fight areas, no make me angry to make me toss you out," said Boris. "I'm just here to enjoy some food and drinks, and perhaps engage in some conversation with a nice woman," said Ynys. "Good," said Boris. "No cause trouble, or me toss you out." |
| Three pirates picked that moment to arrive at the inn - Pegleg Johnny, Random Robert, and Captain Trueblood. They sat at a table not far from the druid's table and not far from the soldier's table. "Three mugs and a pitcher!" said Johnny. After Betty brought the ale, Pegleg Johnny raised his mug to the druid and the soldiers. "To your health, gentlemen! May you live long and prosper!" The soldiers acknowledged the toast with a nod and a drink. Van said, "There is a tale being told about pirates going on the rampage and engaging in ransacking." "Ransacking?" said Random Robert. "I've heard nothing on that topic. What about you, Captain Trueblood?" "Argh! Ain't done no ransacking lately. Them days be past for me. It take a young man to ransack properly and a young man I no longer be." |
| Meanwhile in the Universe with the Eternal War Ynys' Boss Alfonso was pacing back and forth "Ynys better do as I tell him..." Said Alfonso I want all three worlds in Chaos so I can get to the moon and get its treasure!" |
| Boris sat in his chair, and read his book. He didn't care much about what happened past the portals - politics was left to idiots in his opinion - but he'd be damned before any serious trouble started here, or in any of the other Inter-Dimensional Inns, Bars, Saloons, Hotels, and Stores, to say nothing about the Brothels. That could cause trouble all over. The whole Inter-Dimensional Zone operated on The Truce - conflicts were to be left on Home Worlds, and not spread to the other worlds. Magical Weapons and Goods were not to be traded to areas without magic. Highly Advanced technology was not to be traded to places with lesser technology levels. Also, while people could stay in the Zone for as long as they wanted to, they could not leave to another world, without a Special Pass, and could only return to their Home World. Boris glanced at the customers, and looked out the window. Down the road was a store that sold mugs, hats, shirts, and the like. Some had the Rune Doubloon's name on them. The woman working behind the counter, Megan, was rather attractive, and didn't always just sell Souvenirs. She was the type to make a man's dreams come true, and could accommodate most any man. The last time they were together, the cleaning staff at the Hotel complained about the mess, from the Whip Cream, and the strawberries, and the chocolate syrup, and the sprinkles. Of course, the cook enjoyed making the six-foot long banana split, and had enjoyed some of it to. It wasn't often someone gave him a chance to use those extra large bananas from the Giant Monkey world. However, that dessert was not made for stairs. |
| Because Boris and Megan could not carry the giant banana split upstairs, they had opted for using the hotel kitchen's storeroom. The cook locked them in so no one could disturb them. Since it was 2am, it was unlikely they would be disturbed. When they tumbled out several hours later so that the cook could prepare breakfast, they left behind a mess of gigantic proportions. "Don't worry about it!" said the cook. "I'll make banana pudding for the lunchtime dessert." Ynys Tuath sat at his table in the Rune Doubloon and contemplated his mission. "Put the worlds into Chaos!" might sound good as an order, but not so easily accomplished. Attempting to spread rumors about the pirates wasn't working so well, even though all the other worlds loved to scapegoat the pirate world when any trouble happened... "Must be them damn pirates up to no good again!" people would say. Slime Boy sighed. "Are we going to just sit here all night?" |
| (Author's Note: This isn't the same Kali from Tell Us Your Fantasy, this Kali is a King Cobra not a Dragon) Meanwhile in Animal Land,in an Observatory, A King Cobra named Kali had been up all night studying Animal Land's Moon. When Truly came into the Observatory for work and saw her already there he asked "Kali! Have you been here all night long?" "The hot summer nights get me all hyper and I can't sleep." The Cobra said |
| Boris chuckled at his memory. Megan always came up with some fun activities. He looked back at the customers. They were, mostly, behaving themselves. After all, no one wanted to risk getting booted out of the Zone. |
| "What's so interesting about the moon?" Truly asked. "Lots of things," Kali said. "Did you know there is a great treasure there?" "That old myth!" Truly said. "Surely you don't believe there is really a treasure there?" "Why not? Stranger things have happened." |
| "There has got to be something there!" Kali said "Take a look at this screen." Kali and Truly walked over to a Special Screen "The Bat and Dolphin Astronomers have crated special 'Echolocation' rays that mimic their natural abilities they have fired these rays at our moon and this is the image they got back." "Great Beasties!" Truly exclaimed "Our Moon is hollow!" "Not completely hollow." Said Kali "But the center is a chamber to hold something in it." |
| "More than just interesting," Kali said. "it calls to me. I must go there." "Go there?" Truly said. "But that's impossible. You can't just fly to the moon." "It will take magic. Powerful magic and lots of it." The Blue Dragon cocked his head like a puzzled puppy. "I was not aware that you were a great magician." "I'm not," Kali said, "but I will find those who are powerful magicians and ask for their help." Meanwhile, on the World of Eternal War, Alfonso the Great felt he had no need of magic to get to the moon. His scientists had just invented a steam-powered rocket ship, a monstrous contraption of riveted iron plates that could hold a man and carry him into Space, or at least that's what the scientists claimed it could do. The device had yet to be tested. They decided to call it Gravios, after the name of a famous smoke-puffing, armored monster. |
| Alfonso was sure that after getting the Treasure of Animal Land's Moon he would have enough power to finally bring an end to the war |
| Meanwhile, back at the Rune Doubloon, Boris was keeping an eye on the customers, especially the druid person. There was something about him, as if he was intentionally trying to cause trouble, yet not in an obvious way. Sure, there were troublemakers and rabblerousers, and the occasional brawlers, but most tried to stay out of trouble, or at least they didn't do it in a sneaky manner. There was almost always a row between pirates and soldiers, though most were smart enough not to use actual weapons, and things were always broken up before they went too far. Still, something was up with the druid. |
| The druid, Ynys Tuath, was whispering to his Slime Boy creation. "You see that big polar bear? He keeps his eye on me. I feel very constrained. I want you to divert his attention from me to you." "How do I do that?" asked the Slime Boy. "Be creative. Perhaps you could insult him, or slap him, or fall on the floor near him and throw a fit. Anything to get him to look at you instead of me." "Why? What are you going to be doing?" "Let me worry about that," Ynys said. "Your job is to distract the bear." |
| Boris glanced at the slime creature. "If you be sick, bathroom that way." He then glanced at the druid. "Not first time I see Fake Sick Person Trick." |
| "Dammit!" muttered the Druid under his breath. Slime Boy returned. "How did I do?" "Very ineffective, my little mucus man. We need something bigger. Here. Take these matches, go outside, and burn down the inn." "Huh?" "Don't worry. It won't burn down. As soon as you start a fire someone will sound the alarm. Hopefully that will attract everyone's attention." |
| Boris had his eyes on Slime Boy and the druid. "Hey, Kieth," he whispered. "What do you want?" the otter asked. "That bucket of yours filled with water?" "More or less." "Slime Boy is about to leave. Toss the contents of your bucket on him." "Why do you want me to do that?" Kieth asked. "Someone gave him matches, and I doubt it was for a smoke break," said Boris. "I see." |
| Keith stealthily followed Slime Boy outside. As soon as Slime Boy struck a match, Keith dumped a bucket of water on him. Slime Boy began to smoke and melt. "Noooo! Not water!" Keith watched in horror as the green-skinned lad melted down until there was nothing left but his clothes. Looking around quickly to make sure no one was watching, Keith snatched up the clothes and stuffed them in the bucket. Back inside the inn, Keith handed the bucket to Boris. "There's been a little accident." Boris looked inside the bucket. "Hmmm...." Meanwhile, Burnt Beard was on his pirate ship. |
| Burnt Beard was busy looking at all he love letters from his old Lover Long Tall Short Fat Sally a girl whose height changed with the tide. Meanwhile Kali slithered toward a powerful Wizard's House, she rang the doorbell but it wasn't the Powerful Wizard himself who answered it a Short and Fat Female Star-Nosed Mole. "Where is Morgoth?!" Asked Kali "He's busy running errands." Said The Mole "I'm his apprentice Eartha, would you like to come in?" |
| Boris stood up, grabbed the bucket, and walked over to Ynys. "This belong to you." Ynys looked at the contents. His face paled. "What happened to him? He went out for a smoke break." "Seems he got in the way of a bucket of water in the process of being dumped," said Boris. "I'd see about using the spell on him again, if I were you." Boris left the bucket, and walked away. Boris sat in his chair, and watched the druid. "He's lucky." "Why do you say that?" Kieth asked. "Last place I worked at employed a Kazan as a bouncer, in addition to me," said Boris. "You don't mess with a Kazan." "What are they like?" Kieth asked. "Depends on if you're a friend, or an enemy," said Boris. "If you've earned their respect, they are your friend for life, and they will protect you like a brother. If you are their enemy, well, let's just say this, to a Kazan, defeated enemies serve one of two purposes, slave, or food." "Seriously?" Kieth asked. "They're like sabertooth cats, only meaner," said Boris. "That is, unless you get on their good side." "How do you do that?" Kieth asked. "Beat them in a fight, or save their life, and you've got a good chance at it," said Boris. "Besting Stripes in the ring took a bit of effort on my part." |
| "You've had an interesting life," said Keith. Boris grinned. "Are you jealous?" "Not at all. I was just thinking how happy I am that my life has not been so interesting as yours." Burnt Beard took another swig of rum straight from the bottle and let a big tear fall on one of Sally's love letters. "Ah, Long Tall Short Fat Sally, my sweet! If it not be for that Proxigean tide that caught ye unawares, ye might be with us yet. Boo hoo hoo hoo..." Kali stared at Eartha. "Would I like to come in? No, I'd prefer to wait for him in the yard like I was a door-to-door salesman." "As you prefer," said Eartha as she tried to close the door. Kali blocked it. "I'm being sarcastic, you twit! Of course I will come in. When will Morgoth be back?" |
| Eartha opened the door again "He'll be can in an hour." She said and she let Kali in "Want some tea?" Asked Eartha "No." Said Kali "I don't drink tea." "Suit yourself." Said Eartha as she poured herself some |
| Boris looked at Kieth. "My life has not been that exciting," he said. "I just check out the other places in the zone, and listen to the stories told by travelers. You'd be surprised at what you find, and hear." |
| Keith shrugged. "I am ashamed to admit how little curiosity about such things I have. When I am not here at work, then I am either sleeping, eating, or reading a book. Maybe one day I will read a book that you wrote about your travels." Eartha sat drinking tea and looking at Kali. The King Cobra seemed filled with nervous energy. "Do you need Morgoth to remove a curse?" Kali glared at Eartha. "Why do you say that? Do I look cursed?" "No, not really. I was just curious about why you want to see Morgoth." "Not that it's any of your business, but I need his help to go to the moon." |
| "The Moon?" Asked Eartha "Have you been keeping up with Animal Land news?" Asked Kali "Our Moon used to be full of life!" Meanwhile Ynys went back to Alfonso |
| Boris smiled after the druid had left. Now things will be peaceful, he thought. At that moment, a bottle hit one of the walls, causing Boris to look over as a fight between a pirate and a soldier started. Well, about as peaceful as things usually are at any rate, he thought, as he stood up, flexing his muscles. "Time for work." |
| Sergeant Yurk and Captain Bloodguts had drawn their swords. "Tonight the Rune Doubloon will be a river of red!" bellowed Captain Bloodguts, his parrot squawking and flapping its wings as it tried to keep its balance. "Red is the color of my true love's hair!" yelled Sergeant Yurk as he swung his sword in a clumsy arc. "That makes no sense, Bill!" said one of his soldier buddies. "I'm drunk," said Sergeant William Yurk. "Whaddya want? Shakespeare?" |
| Right about then, the pirate was hit between the legs with a mop handle, and the soldier got knocked on the head from a fist. Boris looked over at Kieth, as the two would-be fighters fell to the floor, groaning for one reason or another. "Just another day." |
| Morgoth finally entered. Morgoth was an enormous Black Dragon with red eyes. "Sorry I was away for so long." Said Morgoth "I was busy harvesting Mandrake Roots for my Enchanted Botany classes next week." "Great, wise and powerful Morgoth!" Kali said pleadingly "I wish to be sent to the moon!" "The Moon?" Morgoth cocked his head "Why do you want to go there Sister Cobra? There is no air on the Moon, your head will blow up." "I seek to find the Treasure of the Moon!" Said Kali Morgoth hesitated "Are you really sure that whatever is in the Moon is worth finding...Some treasures are better left buried." Meanwhile at the Rune Doubloon Alfonso came in, he was dressed from Head to Toe in Black to look like a member of The Church of Purity the sword enimies of the Druids, while the Druids preached communing with nature and free love,the Church of Purity preached celibacy to the point of castrating all their clergy and claiming if you have sex even once you'll be sent to hell and the only way to win favor in the eyes of the Unnamed God is to never be happy in your mortal life ever |
| Keith looked at the stranger in the black robe and whispered to Boris, "Oh no, not another one of those Church of Purity fruitcakes. Why do they even bother to visit a place like the Rune Doubloon?" "Looking for converts," Boris said. "If he bothers anyone we will toss him out." Alfonso in his fake costume walked up to the bar. "No druids in here tonight?" "There was one earlier," said Keith, "but he left." |
| Boris walked up behind Alfonso. "This your first time here?" "Why, yes, my good, um, bear," said Alfonso. "In that case, here's the rules; no feuding in the Zone, no fights, unless in designated areas, and leave by your home portal," said Boris. "And keep your preaching to yourself; we practice tolerance around here, but we will toss out those trying to provoke trouble." |
| Alfonso, despite being a Druid was suspicious of talking Animals, to him Animals existed to serve Druids in their war against the Church of Purity the fact that there was another universe with no Humans but Animals who lived for themselves disturbed him Meanwhile Kali implored to Morgoth "You know there is a treasure in the Moon! Do you know what it is?" "Unfortunately I don't." Said Morgoth "I only know there even IS a treasure is because my Great-Great-Grandma was one of the Last Cosmic Dragons who lived on the Moon when it was a Lush Garden she would tell me stories about how beautiful the Moon was but she never knew what the Treasure was..." |
| Kali sighed. "Maybe when the old ones referred to the Treasure of the Moon they meant something abstract like peace, love, and harmony." "That isn't what I believe," Morgoth said. "I have a theory." "Tell me your theory." "The Treasure is something handed down from the beginning of Cosmic Dragons, some artifact connected with how they began. I believe the Moon was barren before the dragons came, and then when they left, it reverted back to being barren. Maybe the artifact is some kind of machine that can turn the Moon into a paradise." "That would be a great treasure," Kali said. "Much honor and rewards would go to the one who discovers it." "And you would like to be that one?" |
| Morgoth pulled himself up to his full height. "Of course I know a spell. I know ten thousand spells. I know a spell that can make a mountain move. I know a spell that will turn water into glass." "But do you know a spell that can take me to the moon?" Kali asked. "Yes, but you said safely and I am afraid there is always some risk with any kind of traveling spell." "What kind of risk?" Kali asked. "The risk you will end up somewhere else, but it's not a great risk and there is an even smaller risk that you will end up in the cemetery." |
| Meanwhile Alfonso realized that the reason Ynys had failed at starting rumors here was the Workers here at Rune Doubloon were too sharp be they Human or Animal,he decided to leave before they became too suspicious of him. "Well..." Alfonso said with yawn "...I guess there isn't anything for me here." He slowly headed for the exit. When he reached the doorway he noticed a piece of paper beside the door frame, it was a letter addressed to a 'Long Tall Short Fat Sally' from a 'Burnt Beard'some drunken Pirate must have dropped it...Perhaps he could make use of it. Alfonso yawned and knelled down looking like he was tying his shoe in a subtle motion he got the letter into one billowing sleeve of his robe and left. |
| When Alfonso got back to Druidhaven, he showed Ynys the letter. "What do you make of it?" "Not much," Ynys said. "It's what those who engage in such activities call a 'love letter', isn't it?" "You have added to my knowledge. So a gentleman named 'Burnt Beard' is proclaiming his feelings of 'love' for a lady named 'Long Tall Short Fat Sally'?" "That's the way I read it, although with names like those, I doubt very much that they be gentleman and lady." |
| "Long Tall Short Fat Sally," Kieth murmured. "What?" Boris asked. "Burnt Bread said something like that while writing on a piece of paper," said Kieth. "Most folks remember their first love," said Boris. "In the case of pirates, said first love is often their first ship, especially the one they are captain of." "I guess that makes sense," said Kieth. "No person would want a name like that." |
| "Burnt Beard sounds like a pirate name," said Alfonso. "I think you may be right." Ynys said. "The pirates often take names for their beards - blue beard, black beard, and so on." Alfonso tapped the folded letter against his hand. "So somewhere there is probably a pirate wondering where he dropped this." "Perhaps." "I want you to spread a rumor in pirate world that Long Tall Short Fat Sally has been captured by the soldiers." Ynys raised an eyebrow. "Another attempt to create chaos?" "Yes," Alfonso said, "and don't worry. I've got more than just that up my sleeve." |
| Meanwhile Morgoth was trying as hard as he could to dissuade Kali from seeking the Treasure of the Moon... |
| "There's something on my mind," Kieth said. "Why do pirates give themselves such crazy names?" "Because no one is going to be afraid of Captain James Smith," said Boris. "On the other hand, if your name is Captain Blood-n-guts Ripper, folks might give you that space, and possibly even respect. Of course, that's mainly in the cases of younger pirates trying to make a reputation. Older ones, they use relatively common names, like Harry, or Henry, or Steve, especially if they are trying to live down their reputation." "Why would they want to do that?" Kieth asked. "Easier to have a family when no one is after you," said Boris. |
| Kieth looked at Boris for a moment. "Do you have a reputation?" "A reputation? You mean a bad reputation? Hmmm, never thought about it. If I do have a reputation it better be that you don't mess with me unless you want your ass kicked. You know what your reputation is?" "What?" Kieth said. "An otter who would rather spend his time flapping his lips instead of doing his job. The bathrooms stink." Kali said, "Don't try to persuade me not to go. I understand it's a risky journey. I still want to go. I demand that you help me." "You demand?" Morgoth said. "Yes," Kali said, "and you know I have my hands on strings that would make life difficult for you. For instance, my nephew is one of the regulators on the Wizard Licensing Board. That would be a shame to lose your Wizard's license, wouldn't it?" Morgoth's red eyes gleamed. His black wings flapped once in frustration. "Very well, since you want to be an asshole about it, I'll do the spell that will send you to the moon." "And back," Kali said. "I don't want to be stranded there." |
| Morgoth chanted an incantation and Kali was surrounded by an enchanted bubble and floated to the moon Meanwhile at the Rune Doubloon, Ynys returned Alfonso had shapeshifted him into an Anthropomorphic Cockroach so no one would recognize him |
| Boris looked at the cockroach. He had a funny feeling about him. There was something off for one. |
| Finally it hit him. No cockroach smell. Ynys shifted nervously feeling Boris's eyes on him. Kali's enchanted bubble drifted down onto the moon's surface and gently popped. The location didn't look very promising. Everything was orange and tan and dusky yellow rocks. A long cliff ran across the horizon. After scanning the countryside for a long time she discovered a black spot on the cliff. It mightbe a cave, so she headed in that direction. |
| That's when Kali realized something "Hey!" She said "There IS oxygen here! What they said about the Moon having no atmosphere wasn't true!" Meanwhile Ynys realized all he Animal People in the Rune Doubloon were glaring at him." |
| Ynys stuttered trying to think of the right answer. "Uh... uh... just the usual soap." "And what would that be?" Boris asked. "What is this?" Ynys said. "A police investigation? It's none of your business what soap I use." "But you do use soap?" "Of course!" Ynys said. "That's unusual for a cockroach. You see, their body secretes oils to keep their chitin plates flexible. The oil has a unique smell. A cockroach would never risk drying out his chitin skin by using soap on it." On the moon, Kali soon reached the cave. She rested just inside for a moment. At least it wasn't a shallow cave. It appeared to penetrate deep into the moon. "Well," Kali said. "Here goes an adventure," and the strode off down the long tunnel. She was glad to see her way was lit by fluorescent minerals in the rock of the cave walls. "How convenient," Kali muttered, "but I guess that's just some of the leftover part from when the moon was a paradise." |
| As Kali went deeper into the Moon she noticed some strange statues up ahead they appeared to be statues of Animals participating in the Olympic games one was springing, one was throwing a discus... "Why...These look like ordinary Earth Animals!" Kali exclaimed, the Sprinter was a Gazelle and the Discus Thrower was a Lion... |
| Boris grinned as he looked at the faux cockroach. "I'd leave before a real cockroach showed up if I were you." |
| Ynys felt his face turn red and wondered if that was visible through his cockroach disguise. Without saying anything, he turned and made his way back to the portal. Kali studies the statues. "I wonder what it means?" As she continued deeper into the moon the tunnel opened out into a huge cavern. It was so big it contained an entire city. She headed for a building that looked like a temple. |
| The temple was enormous! She entered it and in the center was the statue of a dragon. Meanwhile Ynys was fuming ' |
| "What do you think he really was?" Kieth asked. "Some sort of illusion projection, or something," said Boris. "Might want to check the security camera." |
| A few minutes later Kieth came back. "You were right. Look at this." Boris gazed at he small monitor Kieth had in his hand. Ynys appeared as he really was. Boris snorted. Ynys was naked because clothes would have interfered with the disguise. "Save a copy of this," Boris said. "If that character ever tries to return and cause more trouble, this will look good on a wall screen where he can see it." Kieth laughed. "You can be evil, Boss!" "I'm not the boss," Boris said. "I know. Among otters it's a term of respect. Well... also kind of a joke since we don't have bosses in our culture." "How do you get things done? How do you make people work instead of play all the time?" Kieth pointed a finger at Boris. "You have just hit on the central problem of otter culture. All play and no work." "Yeah, I noticed that by the way you do your job around here. Quit flapping your jaw and get on that mop." Kali stood at the foot of the dragon statue. It was several stories tall. "Were the old time dragons really that big?" she wondered. "Probably just for a statue." She began to explore the temple. The first chamber she entered had a large pool of water in the center of it. "I have no idea what this room was used for," Kali said. |
| Kali looked around the Pool of Water she saw a Mosaic of various swimming animals frolicking again they all looked like species from Planet Earth Ynys returned to Alfonso defeated "No need to say anything." Alfonso said "I saw your failure in my Crystal Ball fortunately I have come up with a much better plan." Alfonso lifted his cloak and revealed a Young Lion Cub bound and gagged "This Lion Cub is the Prince of one of the most powerful Nations in Animal Land." Said Alfonso "I have summoned him here with my summoning spell. And with my forgery spell I can perfectly craft a ransom note that looks like it was written by Burnt Beard!" |
| "But, what if the cub's father calls up Burnt Beard, asking for his son, and the pirate tells him he doesn't have the cub?" Ynys asked. "Those people tend to know each other." |
| Alfonso said, "The cub's father will think something happened to his son and he will blame Burnt Beard. With any luck we'll have open warfare between the pirates and the animalians." Kali entered the second chamber of the temple. It seemed to be some kind of throne room. There was a very large chair on a dais. The walls were engraved with geometric designs that had the chair as their center of interest. Kali decided to try out the throne so she climbed up on it. "Whoaaa!" she said as the chair suddenly began to descend. Before she knew what was happening, she and the chair were below floor level and a door was sliding shut above her. "This can't be good," Kali said. |
| Kali found herself in pitch blackness she smelled dirt, lots of dirt, she had a match in her pocket, she lit it and she was in a chamber full of dirt and shoveling the dirt for seemingly no particular reason was a small black android that looked like a stick figure. Meanwhile at the Rune Doubloon in hopped a Flea Person her name was P.T. Flea short for 'Post Traumatic' She came from along line of Therapist Fleas "Hey P.T." Said Betty "What's happening?" "Overworked." Said P.T. "The King has been inconsolable since his son was kidnapped." All the Animals in the Rune Doubloon put down their glasses and looked at P.T. |
| "What happened?" Boris asked. "Supposedly, some pirates kidnapped the Prince," said P.T. The pirates in the place turned their heads. "Ain't heard anything about no kidnapping of no prince," one of them said. "And iffin' someone did do it, they'd be entitled to a good ransom for it." "Right," said Boris. "It's only good manners to do so." "Right," the pirate said. "After all, one should always pay the babysitter for taking care of the kid," said Boris. This got a laugh from the pirates. "Babysitting?" Kieth asked. "That's what they call it," said Boris. "If a pirate kidnapped the Prince, the Prince will be fine. Pirates like getting paid for it, depending on the status of the Hostage. Usually, they place a note or some such thing." |
| P.T. swallowed her tiny thimbleful of gin. "They know who the pirate is. He signed the ransom note." "You mean this is for real?" said one of the pirates. "Argh! Who might it be then?" "Burnt Beard." "Whaaaa? No! I don't believe it." P.T. signaled Octavio for another gin. "Better believe it, because it's true." Captain Davy said, "I be talking with Burn Beard only yesterday and he said not a word about no kidnapping. He didn't have a care in the world. I know Burnt Beard. If he was up to something he would've been tense, but he was loose as a squid. No offense, Octavio!" Octavio frowned. "I'm not a squid; I'm an octopus. There is a difference, you know." |
| On the Moon the Android was still shoveling the dirt he seemed to merely be moving the dirt from one pile to the other |
| "This is all to strange," said Boris. "Why would Burnt Beard kidnap someone now? I heard he was doing fine, all else considering." |
| "Agreed!" said Captain Davy. "It's a load of hogwash is what it is. Just somebody trying to stir up trouble." "Well, the king believes it," said P.T. "and that's the important thing. I hear he's asking for volunteers for an army to attack Pirate World." "Outrageous!" said Captain Davy. "We'll have to send an envoy to Animalia and set him straight. In fact, if Burnt Beard himself could go, that would make the king realize such a story could not be true." |
| "The whole thing sound like a frame-up," said Boris. "As if someone is trying to provoke an incident. The realms may not agree with each other, but they wouldn't do something to cause an all-out war. The other realms wouldn't stand for it." |
| In Animalia King Samba was preparing his army to get back his son while Burnt Beard in the Pirate Universe had drunk himself to sleep and had no idea of what was happening in Animalia On the Moon Kali approached the small black android "Who are you?" The Android asked. "My name is Kali." Said the Cobra. "A Living Thing? Here?" The Android seemed to be talking to itself. "It must have been centuries since I saw an actual living thing here...You can call me Stick...I am a Digger Droid." |
| "Hello, Stick the Digger Droid," said Kali. "Perhaps you can tell me more about this place. What is it? Why is it? And... uh... where's the treasure?" "You know about the treasure?" said Stick. "Well, not much, just that one exists." "If by this place you mean this temple we are in, it is a temple of the cult know as Keepers of the Flame. It was a very popular religion in Paradise. Paradise is what we called the ancient era of the moon when the dragons ruled here and the surface was covered with plants. Very powerful magicians, those dragons. I was constructed by one of them, a dragon know as High Elmer because he was so tall. But he couldn't fly very well. Not that flying was that important to the dragons, in spite of what everyone tells you." |
| "Shouldn't we send an emissary to the Pirate Realm to see if they could release the royal son willingly?" one of Samba's advisers suggested. "Most respond well to big bags of gold." |
| "An excellent idea!" said King Samba of Animalia. The giraffe who had made the suggestion smiled and bowed. "And since it's your idea," continues Samba, "you shall be the emissary." The giraffe looked up from his bow with eyes suddenly gone sad. "Perhaps, Your Highness, it would be better to send someone who is more familiar with the ways of pirates?" "Nonsense, Jerome! You will do splendidly. And of course, you will be showered with honors upon the successful completion of your mission." "And if I am not successful, Your Highness?" "Jerome!" said King Samba with a wicked smile. "This is my son we are talking about. You will be successful. You have to be." Jerome gulped. "Yes, Your Majesty." |
| Jerome stepped through the portal, and found himself in the Zone. Looking around, he saw some pirates head into the Rune Doubloon. Gulping, he stepped though the door himself, where he found a polar bear sitting nearby. The polar bear had a look that seemed as if he was a head guard, or the equivalent in this place. "Um, could you help me?" he asked. The bear looked him over. "What do you need help with?" "Um, I'm looking for Burnt Beard," the giraffe said. "I'm a representative from King Samba in regards to the young Prince's disappearance." The bear motioned his head. "Table 4, but don't cause any trouble." "Um, thanks." Jerome walked over to the table, where he found the pirate, drunk and asleep. He gulped, and then he shook the pirate's shoulder. The pirate open an eye. "Wha?" "I'm here to talk to you about the kidnapping of Prince Samba the Second," said Jerome. He put down a bag, and opened it, gold coins spilling out. The effect caused Burnt Beard's other eye to open. "How long does the King want me to keep him for?" "He wants his son returned, now." "Can't give you what I don't have," the pirate said. "Can't kidnap without making arrangements for how long the kidnapping is to last, or without an agreement on ransom payment." "You don't have the Prince?" Jerome asked. "I swear by me ship, I have not kidnapped the Prince, nor anyone else for a month," said Burnt Beard. "That's a big oath for a pirate," said the bear guard. "Pirates may lie upon their name, but never on their ship." "Right, or it's Davy Jones' Locker for thems that do." The pirate laid his head back on the table, and began to snore again. "The kidnapper claims to be him," said Jerome. "Listen, I've known him for a while," said the bear. "If he says he doesn't have the prince, you can trust him. If he says he wasn't paid to kidnap the Prince, he didn't do it. If he says he didn't drink your rum, he probably drank what he thought was his rum." |
| Meanwhile in Animal Land, King Samba's Cook and frequent patron of Rune Dubloon, a Bloodhound named Nancy witched her nose. "Your Majesty." She said quietly "May I small the letter?" "Why?"Asked King Samba "I've been to Rune Dubloon so many times I know every Patron," she came over and sniffed the letter. "And this letter doesn't have Burnt Beard's Scent on it." "What?!" Exclaimed The King "It is definatly human but a Human I never smelled before." Nancy said "Whoever wrote this is a master of forgery though." Meanwhile on the Moon, from somewhere water was leaking into the Dirt Chamber turning the dirt into mud. "Holy!"Exclaimed Stick "How is this happening?! It couldn't possibly..." Stick ran into a Chamber on the left and Kali followed him In this chamber an enormous block of ice was melting and inside that block of ice slowly coming to life was an Anthro Woolly Mammoth Woman dressed in a toga holding a Mammoth sized lute. "I thought you said I was the only living thing on the moon..." Said Kali "I didn't think 'dead things' qualified as living things." Said Stick "Barbara Woolly has been stuck in that glacier for EONS! She became part of the Museum." "She she the Treasure of the Moon?"Asked Kali "No." Said Stick "Barbara is a Minstrel who got locked in the meat locker and who we didn't find until too late." |
| "Is she dead?" Kali asked. "Interesting thing about mammoths," Stick said. "When you freeze them they go into suspended animation. Must be some kind of adaptation to their icy environment." "You mean she will be alive when she thaws?" "I can't guarantee it," said Stick, "but it's a possibility." Jerome left the Rune Doubloon and returned to King Samba. "I don't think Burnt Beard sent that letter." "Yes, yes, I already know that," said Samba. "Nancy here told me. What we do know is that a human wrote it and he's very good at forgery." Jerome shrugged. "I'm afraid I don't know many humans." |
| Meanwhile on the Moon Barbara Woolly opened her eyes after the ice around her head had completely thawed "Goodness Gracious Me!" She exclaimed "How ever did I ever get out of this pickle?!" "She's been in that ice cube for over five thousand years." Stick murmured to Kali "So her Speech is going to be a bit...Archaic." Stick turned to Barbara and spoke in 'Old Lunar' Mode which sounds like Shakespearean English "Good Mammoth-Madame the subject whence you met your most tragic calamity...Thou hast been the subject of our Natural History Museum for five thousand years." "Gadzooks!" Exclaimed Barbara "Me Old Comrades must all be dead!" "Everyone be dead Mammoth-Madame" Said Stick "The Moon, She is a barren husk of her former self and I stick the Digger be your only company these long centuries." "Then who be the Snake-Lady?" Barbara pointed to Kali with her trunk "The Cobra-Madame Kali is a visitor from Earth." Said Stick "Earth?!" Exclaimed Barbara "You mean Earth be no longer a hot ball of molten lava?!" |
| "No, indeed," said Kali. "Now it be a thriving place of great enterprise and adventure. I am one such adventurer, come all the way from earth to the moon to seek the fabled treasure of the dragons." Barbara gasped. "The Treasure of the Dragons! I always thought that was a myth. You mean it really exists?" Kali frowned. "I was hoping that's what you would tell me." Stick said, "Don't worry, there is a treasure alright. I just don't know what it is or where it is." Barbara rolled her eyes. "Isn't that the definition of something mythical? All you really know is the word treasure." "I know more than that!" Stick protested. "You forget I have been here thousands of years. I was here when this place was a paradise." Jerome didn't like the idea of returning to the Rune Doubloon, but maybe if he could make friends with that bear Boris he could find out something from him. |
| So, Jerome, once again, went to the Rune Doubloon, and sat down by the bear. "You know the people that come here, right?" "Most of them," said Boris. "Who are you looking for?" "A handwriting expert," said Jerome. "I need someone who can identify a forger's work." "I might know of a few," said Boris. "The Zone is a big place. Folks come here to hide you know." |
| They went over to some Soldiers, Van was with them "Do you boys know anything about Forgery?" Asked Boris Meanwhile in the Moon Barbara was still thawing out and Kali asked "So you mean to say, when the Moon was a Paradise Earth was nothing but a ball of lava?" "Indeed." Said Barbara "Back in my day we believed no one could live there! It would forever be our hot and molten neighbor." "You say you've been frozen for five thousand years..." Kali said "...Our scientists believed that Animalia Civilization started five thousand years ago...But how can that be if only five thousand years ago the Earth was all lava..." Then Kali remembered something long ago from her days at Astronomy School, the ramblings of the Janitor whom everyone called 'Crazy Uncle Ned' Ned was a Pig and he would ramble about how he was once a famous Professor but then reduced to Janitor because they didn't approve of his findings, and his findings were that life didn't originate on Earth that life came from Outer Space and colonized the Earth... 'Is it possible...' Kali thought to herself 'That all Animal Life originally came from the Moon and later migrated to Earth?' |
| "I don't know anything about earth," Barbara said, "except that it was all lava last time I was awake." Kali looked at Stick. "Don't look at me," Stick said. "I'm a digger. I didn't even know earth was covered with lava. It's not my department." "I have a theory," Kali said. "When the earth cooled down, and maybe the dragons had something to do with the cooling, but when it happened, for some reason everyone left the moon and migrated to earth." "Because it was a bigger place?" Barbara suggested. "Good point," Kali said. "Maybe the moon was getting overcrowded." Boris gave Jerome a name of a handwriting expert, Mofu Son of Ringnose, an old bull who could no longer walk and now spent his days analyzing handwriting samples and doing related activities. Luckily for Jerome, Mofu lived right there in the Interdimensional Zone. His rooms were just a short walk from the Rune Doubloon. |
| "How do you know this guy?" Jerome asked. "I keep my ears open, and my mouth shut, unless necessary," said Boris. |
| Meanwhile Barbara's torso was thawing "My..." The Mammoth said wistfully "...How much has changed...How will I be able to move forward when nothing is the same?" "I don't know." Said Kali feeling sympathy for the Pachyderm Displaced in time. Kali turned her head and noticed some other things in the Museum some painting She slithered over to look at them, one was a painting of the Moon when it was a Paradise, it was a bright and sunny day, the sky was blue just as any Earth Day and several Animals of various species were picnicking around a Garden Fountain |
| "Lovely," Kali said. "I wish I could have been on the moon back in those days." "Maybe your long ago ancestors were here," Barbara said. Jerome sat across from Mofu, the old bull, who was confined to a wheelchair. Mofu studied the paper Jerome had handed him. "A druid wrote this," Mofu said. "A druid? How do you know that?" "They pride themselves on their knowledge of ancient runes and ancient languages and they learn to write in a style people used a thousand years ago. Notice all the little flourishes that he tried to suppress, but still popped up anyway?" Jerome looked closely at the writing. "Hmmm, I see what you mean. It's like the letters don't end cleanly. They have a just barely noticeable hook on them." "You have a good eye," Mofu said. "Of course, I couldn't tell you which druid wrote it without seeing handwriting samples from all the suspects." "That's okay," Jerome said. "You've told me a lot just by telling me it was a druid. That's good to know. How much do I owe you?" |
| "A sample of King Samba's handwriting would be nice," said Mofu. "Written by him, and not by some scribe on his orders. Anything, like a poem, containing all of the letters of the alphabet." |
| Barbara was nearly finished thawing, the museum was starting to become flooded, Kali took her favored painting and headed upstairs, there she gasped, she saw what seemed to be...The skeletons of many humans! Not arranged like a paleontology exhibit just piles of human bones |
| "What's all this?" Kali said. Stick looked around. "The bones? Oh, when I'm digging I come across bones quite often. I dump them all here." "But they are human bones." Kali said. "Yes? Is there something unusual about that?" Jerome bowed to Mofu. "You shall have it, sir. I'll make sure of it. And I will gather some handwriting samples from some druids if you would be so kind as to look at them when I have them?" "My pleasure," Mofu said. "I enjoy what I do." Jerome returned to the Rune Doubloon where he found Boris again. "One word," Jerome said. "Druids. Have you seen any in here?" |
| "There was two of them," said Boris. "One tried to stir up trouble, and the other pretended to be a priest from another religion." "How do you know he was a druid pretending to be a different religion's priest?" Jerome asked. "It was the way he talked," said Boris. "The speech was rather fake, as if he was trying to show he'd been a member of the order for years. Most converts, they talk normal, and its only after they've been in the order for a few months, if not a few years, that their speech becomes more, shall we say, in line to how the long-timers speak. Call it a jade trying to pass itself off as an emerald, and I've seen enough of both to know the difference. That and the head of the order he claimed to be from is staying in a hotel nearby, enjoying some vacation time, as it were, and we showed the fella's face to him; no recognition, not even the old 'Sure, I know him, but I won't tell you' look before he told me he'd never seen the fella, and he likes to be informed." |
| Smelling the bones Kali determined the were indeed quite ancient she thought there were no humans in this universe ever! (Author's Note Hey Guys I'm going on a vacation tonight where I'll only be able to check email once a day so...I might be late once or twice) "I think..." Said Stick "That the Humans were the ones who brought the Animals to the Moon long ago...Like Millions of years ago." "Then where did the Humans come from?!" Asked Kali |
| "I'm just a digger droid!" Stick protested. "Not an ancient history professor." "I had to ask," Kali said. "There is obviously a lot about the moon that us modern folks don't know. It seems to have had an amazing history. However, I must not lose sight of my goal, to find the treasure." By then, Barbara the mammoth had finished thawing and she lumbered over to join the conversation. "Is this treasure you speak of a treasure of money or jewels or knowledge or what?" "I don't know!" Kali moaned. "That's what is making this so difficult. It's clear there is a treasure of some sort on the moon, but what?" At this time, on the World of Eternal War, in the city of Druidhaven, Alfonso the Great had finally gotten his steam-powered rocketship into a ready-to-launch condition. His main scientist, Professor Ballista, who had designed the ship, assured him it would take him to the moon. But at the last minute Alfonso got cold feet and turned to Ynys. "I want you to go to the moon instead." "M-me!" Ynys said. "Why me?" "Don't be afraid," Professor Ballista said. "It is a good ship. It will take you to the moon." "What about getting back?" Ynys said. "Back? Oh yes, back! Of course! Haha! What good would a ship be if it could not bring you home again? You will be fine. Take lots of sandwiches with you. There are no restaurants on the moon." "Ynys?" Alfonso said. "What about that lion cub? Is he still safe and secure and in good health?" "Yes, yes, the lion cub is fine. But I am not sure the kidnapping has done anything to damage relations among the worlds. They seem to be cooperating instead of fighting." "Bah!" Alfonso said. "They do not understand war like we do here. It is the best way! Why must they always try to talk things out and reach a mutually beneficial solution? For the sake of war let one side win and one side lose!" "Here! Here!" said Ynys and Professor Ballista, admiring the fighting spirit of Alfonso the Great." Meanwhile, back in the Interdimensional Zone, Jerome, the giraffe who was the envoy of King Samba the Lion whose cub had been stolen... this Jerome was talking with Boris the polar bear who was the bouncer (among other things) at the Rune Doubloon. "Some names would be very helpful," Jerome said. "We animals have reason to believe some druids came here to cause trouble and I strongly suspect that now they have caused some big trouble indeed. I think they have kidnapped my king's son." "I don't like it when cubs get hurt," Boris said. "If you know the names of the druids who were here, that would be very helpful." |
| "Well, I don't have names, but we do have an Identifier device," said Boris. "Takes images, sweet/hair samples, scent samples, and so on. And since I know when the two came here, I can pull up their files, and tag them as People of Interest. The moment they come to the Zone again, the Identifiers will let us, or whomever is interested in them, know where they are, at all times. You can lie about your name, but you can't lie about who you are." "What about twins?" asked Jerome. "Even then as well." |
| As Kali and Barbara explored the chamber full of Human Skeletons Kali found a trap door "It's too small for me to fit through." Said Barbara sadly "That's all right." Said Stick "I'll follow Kali." As the Cobra was already slithering through. They seemed to have reached the very center of the Moon! Inside seemed to be a Statue of a Dragon the Dragon Statue was holding a Box with something written on it in a language Kali didn't know but Stick did "Kali." Stick said "I do believe that box reads the treasure of the moon!" Kali gasped with joy and she took the box from the Dragon Statue's Hands She gingerly opened it...Expecting some shining treasure...And instead...She heard a sound, a small tinkling tune...The Treasure of the Moon...Was a Music Box! |
| "A song!" Kali said. "The treasure of the moon is a freaking song!" From the other side of the trap door Barbara said, "Maybe it is a magic song. They had a lot of magic back in the old days I was told." "She's right," Stick said. "If they went to the trouble of putting this statue here at the heart of the moon, there must be something very powerful about that song." "Do you feel tremors?" Kali said. "Yes, I do. The moon seems to be shaking very slightly. Maybe it is a moonquake." |
| Things were starting to happen on the moon, slowly seeds buried deep in the moon rock were beginning to sprout but none of that could be seen as Ynys was about the launch One of the Construction Workers who helped build the spaceship was an Anthro Housefly who disguised himself as a Human his name is Buzz Wing and as Ynys was about the launch for the Moon, Buzz Wing his himself under a chair and returned to his true form |
| Jerome looked at the monitor. "Humans are funny looking." "They say the same thing about us," Boris said. "Yeah, but at least we have fur. Can you imagine going around with just bare skin like that? Creepy." "Maybe that's why they wear so many clothes. You want a hard copy of this?" Jerome nodded. "Let me pause it on a frame that shows them best. There. That one. Druids! They like to stay busy, don't they? Always meddling where they don't belong." On the World of Eternal War, at the launch site of Alfonso's steam-powered rocketship, currently piloted by Ynys, there was a moment of confusion when Buzz Wing changed from human to anthro housefly. "What the hell?!" Ynys said. "You better have a good explanation of why you are here." |
| "An undercover agent for who?" Ynys asked, sidestepping the house Fly's tackle and pulling a wicked-looking little pistol out. "For who?" he repeated, pointing the pistol at the fly. Professor Ballista knocked on the side of the rocketship. "What's going on in there?" Ynys triggered the door release. "I've got a stowaway. Do you have a gun on you?" "Wait," Ballista said. "I'll get somebody who does." An hour later, the house fly Buzz Wing was in the care of Alfonso's security police and Ynys was back at the controls of the rocketship. Professor Ballista wiped the sweat off his forehead with a big red handkerchief. "This is too much excitement for me. Are you ready to launch?" "I guess so," Ynys said. "Professor, you know I'm only going to the moon because Alfonso commanded me?" "Yes, yes, I understand. You're a reluctant traveler. Just do your best. The ship is programmed to get there. All you have to do is pick a good spot to land." "Alright, Professor. I shall proceed now." "Good! Have a good trip. I know you will make it there and back. Never fear!" At the Rune Doubloon Jerome attempted to shake hands with Boris but Boris ignored the offered shake. "I am giving you this information not because I want to collaborate with the animals. As a member of the Interdimensional Zone, I must remain neutral toward all worlds. But I do not like to see cubs abused and I am totally against kidnapping, so I helped you." "I understand," Jerome said, "and I appreciate it." When Jerome reported back to King Samba, the king studied the photos of Ynys Tuath and Alfonso the Great. "Druids took my baby!" he said. "I might have known. They're an evil lot on the World of Eternal War." "The one called Alfonso is their Prime Leader." "Really?" Samba said. "He must think kidnapping my child is very important to get personally involved himself. I know what he wants. He wants me to go to war with him. Then he will defeat me, he thinks, and conquer Animal World." "And are we going to war?" Jerome said. "A good question," said King Samba. "I don't have an answer yet." On the moon, Kali and Stick and Barbara had fallen to their hands and knees as the shaking of the moon became so violent. Then the shaking stopped and all was quiet except for the sound of dirt and pebbles falling that had been shaken loose by the moonquake. "I think I better go back to the surface," Kali said, "if I can still get there." |
| Boris took a look at the portals. Some were acting strange. He wasn't a scientist, but even farmers with no education knew when something wasn't right with their crops, especially when they suddenly changed color in an unusual way. Now, the portals were behaving rather strange. "Something isn't right." |
| Boris gestured to Keith. "Look at the portals. Do they seem odd to you?" "Yeah," Keith said. "Like they are a different color or something." Betty and Octavio joined them. "What's going on with the portals?" Betty said. "Is it a malfunction?" "I've been a bartender here for over thirty years," Octavio said, "and I have never seen the portals malfunction." Boris frowned. "I don't like this." Kali reached the surface. her mouth fell open. Where there had been barren rock before, there was now grass and trees and babbling brooks. Birds were singing. "It's Paradise again!" Barbara said. Kali groaned. "I'll bet this is the famous treasure everyone is looking for." "But it is a treasure," Barbara said. "Now the moon is a wonderful place again." At that moment a rocketship came putt-putting down out of the sky belching smoke and steam. It landed clumsily not far from them and Ynys Tuath stepped out. He held up one hand in a gesture of peace. "Greetings, people of the moon! I come from earth." "So do I," Kali said, "but my friends Stick and Barbara here are genuine moon people." Ynys looked around. "This does not look like I was told it would look. I was expecting rocks and desert." "There's been a recent transformation, " Barbara said. "It seems there was a treasure hidden on the moon." "I know," Ynys said, his eyes becoming narrow slits, "and I intend to have it." "You're walking in it. The transformation of the moon back into Paradise is the treasure." "What?" Ynys said. "Are you sure? What good will that do us?" "Not much," Kali said, "but I suppose it's a great treasure for the moon people, except they all died or went to earth centuries ago. Stick here is an android and Barbara is a mammoth. Not much of a population for an entire moon." "There may be others," Barbara said. "We don't know yet." King Samba folded his hands and looked at Jerome. "I have a mission for you." "Another one?" Jerome said. "Don't I get a rest break?" "My son is missing, Jerome. How can you rest?" Jerome sighed. "What's the mission?" "Go have a little pow-wow with Alfonso the Great. See what he's up to. Tell him we know he kidnapped my cub. What are his intentions? What do we have to do to get my son back? You get the idea." "Wouldn't it be more effective if you told him all that yourself?" "I am the king! I don't meet with hoodlums. I send an envoy. That's you, Jerome." |
| Kali, Barbara and Stick looked at Ynys he was starting to change. "Sir." Kali said "You seem to be growing two antennae. Ynys felt his head and indeed he was "Oh no!" He screamed "I'm turning into a cockroach for real!" |
| Boris soon started contacting some friends of his at a nearby research lab. "Hey, how many of your people investigate the portals? That many? Well, they might want to check them out. Something is up. If I knew what it was, I wouldn't be calling you." He looked at Kieth. "You work as a security guard at a place, and they think you know everything. I just kept trouble out." |
| Boris got a call back one hour later. "Yes?" he said. "What did you find out?" On the other end of the line was the famous scientist William Scrogan. "Plenty," Scrogan said. "There has been unusual activity on the moon, a major moonquake. It's disrupted the operation of interdimensional portals throughout this region." "How can a quake do that?" Boris asked. "It was more than just a quake. Vast amounts of magical energy have been released. First reports suggest the moon has been transformed back into a paradise." On the moon Kali watched in horror as Ynys completed his transformation into a cockroach and went skittering away looking for a dark place to hide in. "Why?" she said. "And is something that bad going to happen to us?" "Let's hope not," Barabara said. "Hey, you can use his rocket ship to go home." "Good idea," Kali said, "because I have no faith in Morgan's ability to bring me back home." When Kali stepped out of the rocketship on the eternal world, she was met by Alfonso the Great and Jerome. "What are you doing in there?" Alfonso said, "and where is Ynys Tuath?" "I'm afraid Ynys bugged out," Kali said. "He's a permanent resident of the moon now." "That takes care of him," Jerome said, "now about that cub..." "Alright! Alright!" Alfonso said. "Take the freakin cub with you." Jerome and Kali and the cub arrived on Animal World and King Samba was overjoyed to see his son again. "You shall be rewarded!" Samba said to Jerome. He looked at Kali. "Well, hello, Kali. I'm surprised to see you here." "It's a long story, King Samba," said Kali, "and right now I need a hot bath." Back at the Rune Doubloon, the portals were back to normal. "Must have just been a glitch," Keith said. "Can you imagine if the portals stopped working/ We'd be out of business in a week." "I've been here over thirty years," Octavio said, "and the portals ain't never stopped working yet." That's it for this tale, folks! If you can think of a loose end that needs tying up, post something. If you can't, skip your turn.  |
| At about that moment, a pirate threw a bottle at a soldier, starting another fight. "Just another day," said Boris. "Hey! Break it up!" |
| Octavio and Betty exchanged a glance with each other and smiled. "Things never change around here," Betty said. The End! |
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