Whine & Cheese Company, Inc. - 1

Dear Mr. Crabeno,

I so do wanna thank yu for yor kind words about our professional company. We done come a long way. When we started, we make 'at cheese by hand, mixed up thu whine in the bathtub and done ever’thang by hand. We’d make 'at cheese and wrap it in tinfoil and slide it in a old bread bag and use a twist tie. Now, we git my nephew, Bubba’ boy down at The Headlight, our newspaper, to print our packages. Yep, Bubba Jr. does a wonderful job and he waited till duh manager went home and drawed it off hisself and printed it. Now, yu kin paste a heart or a firecracker over the Santa and you got a valentine or fourth of July Gift Pack.

I do must apologize for ‘at genie thang. We don’t got no more, only one we had, you got ‘im. Bubba got dat thang from sum old woman. I tole Bubba he gonna wear ‘at genie out, but no, he jest keep on. Ever morning he come to work and he git dat lamp and out come da genie and he say, “I want some pig knuckles, tater chips, a RC Cola and Cracklins fer my dinner. And come 12 o’clock a little cloth wuz on his table and all that food thur. And he no more than finish and he be orderin evening snacks. That wuz ever’day and I tole and tole him he gonna ware that genie out. But, lack I said, he doan listen to me and one day we come to work and that place wuz a mess. Pig knuckles, pig feet, cracklins and stuff all over the place. I tole Bubba he done done it now. So he decide tu give that genie away. I tole him don’t do it, but he did it anway and you duh lucky one what got ‘im.

Now, since I got yor letter, I been a studying about these genies and I thank I found how to revive ‘im. You gone haf tu feed ‘im cheese. Lots o cheese. Fer about a year, you feed ‘im cheese ever’day and he gonna come back in shape. After about 10 or 8 months, you gonna see da color start returning tu his cheeks and by 12-13 months, he gonna be in his old form.

Now it jest happens that we jest started a new program where you kin subscribe to the cheese of the month club and we send you cheese ever month. Jest sent in yo name and address along with your year’s subscription and we do da rest.

I’m sorry about dat genie and all the trouble he cause. I done slap Bubba up side the head two times fer yuh and I thank now hit gonna be alright.

Whinningly Yours.
Jim Whinnery, Head Whiner and Genie Mechanic