I can't offer much guidance. I'm SO SORRY for your loss, but I agree that this is a story that should be told and telling it as a novel would be powerful! My only suggestion is to find a novel writer whose style you like and feel you can emulate...preferably a similar type of novel. You can follow their ideas and strategies and put your own story and facts into it. It doesn't matter that the novel you are emulating is fake. The point is to notice how and when characters are described, how traumatic events are portrayed, etc. If you find a writer you like, I suggest reading several of their novels to get a better idea and sort of do a case study on them, looking at how they handle various types of events and techniques you want to use.
Good luck with your novel! I think it's a great idea and this tragedy would make a very moving story, especially the way you plan to do it!
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