It was a mid-morning, and 15 year-old Jack Simmons was laid on the sofa watching TV. His parents were out, and his younger sister was still in bed. He was pretty bored, not having much of a social life.
"Hello Jack," said a voice. Jack looked up and saw a rather old, yet not-at-all-frail man in front of him
"What? Who the hell are you!?" demanded Jack.
"Heaven actually," said the man.
"Who the fuck are you and how did you get in here?"
"Jack, I'm God."
Jack simply looked at the man in disbelief.
"Oh yeah, well if you're God, then do something magical," said Jack.
"Jack Simmons, born 3rd March 1997 at 11:24am to John and Linda Simmons," said God effortlessly. "Your favourite colour is orange, your computer password is "strawberries", which less-than-coincidentally was the name of the teddy bear you had when you were little. You had him until you were 10 when your dog, Buster, that died on May 21st last year of old age, ate him. Your penis is exactly 6.57684839 inches long when erect, but you wish it was bigger. Last night you fantasised about having sex with a variety of girls. When you reached orgasm it didn't feel as good as you'd hoped it would. That enough proof?" Jack simply stared in amazement.
"Ok...so I guess you're God," conceded Jack. "But what do you want with me?"
"Simple, I want you to take my place," said God.
"Your place?"
"Yes. As of this moment, you're God. You're completely omnipotent, with no responsibilities but those you give yourself. Now then, goodbye and have fun!"
And with that, the former God vanished, leaving a very confused Jack with his powers. What does Jack decide to try his new omnipotence on first?
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