I'm both, adopted and bipolar. I'm still in the state of prediagnosis - the doctors bitch around and don't want to make it final yet because I might be borderline, too. Maybe I'm both, who knows? As scary as it appears and sucks sometimes it's bearable since I have an idea now what causes my moods. This wasn't always so.

In Denise's age I was highly unstable, but my basic mood was depressive. The disorder got worse since I didn't knew what was wrong with me and it scared me silly and my parents thought I was "just" rebellious and therefore were very strict.

In my case it was caused by multiple psychological trauma, abuse and death of loved people and complicated by PTS on the border to PTSD - but I guess I'm rather an extreme case, while Denise may show the more "common" case of teenage bipolar. That's not meant degrading, only an observation.

You pictured how it looks inside a bipolar teenager very empathic and in a way I think even non-bipolar individuals can relate to. You gave this nameless, diffuse sickness a human face that everyone can relate to.

A long time I wasn't able to feel positive emotions like joy or happyness or affection to anyone. I didn't dare because of the multiple trauma I experienced. Today I know that these feelings weren't the cause for it like I always thought, but they gave the bad people I came in contact with opportunity to hurt me, so I "deleted" them. Now I slowly open up again.

The current temporary diagnosis is Bipolar but since I know a lot about it already it isn't so scary anymore. I don't take any meds because they make me either groggy or physically sick but it works without since I already went through trauma therapy. I feel my moods coming and can compensate them.

The weird thing really is to be symptom free and being "normal". I should be happy about these rare episodes but like Denise I'm not. I never knew something else than psychological extremes so it sucks to be symptom free. I feel like an alien then.

The interesting thing is I can't write in this state. I swear to you that as sick as it sounds I sometimes wish my sickness back because for me that is normality, not being "normal". Does this make any sense!? I guess not, but that's bipolar
... quite confusing if you're not familiar with it.

I think, no, I hope that this story helped a bit to change this because the weird looks when I try to explain my moods to others are damn annoying, you know? This might also be a strong cause that many sufferers try to conceal or deny it, even at their own cost. I don't do this anymore. I'm not nuts, but... disordered. I'm not alone, so why should I be ashamed?