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by Mandy
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Greetings, saraiv


NOTE: Please remember that the following comments and observations are only one person's opinion. Take what you can use but never be shy about discarding what you cannot. Most important of all, keep writing, improving, and contributing to our wonderful community!

OVERALL SENSE:
This is a story that has been experienced by many, but perhaps not told with this much emotion and understanding. I empathised with this child that was less-fortunate and lonely. The emphasis on the abuse that she suffers and the fact that she is oestracised because of her circumstances is told in a heartfelt manner. There are so many ups and downs in her development; she starts out deflecting judgement with her own sense of pride, but eventually her confidence is smothered, and the self-love is taken away by 'delusion.' You are sending the message that happiness can only come from the inside, but when you have someone that believes in you, it gives you a sense of worth. I love the ending, when she manages to find someone to share in her pain and together they heal themselves. You mention at the bottom of the piece that you don't know where this poem came from. I think it was definitely an offering from the muse because it is both inspired, and inspirational.

CONVENTIONS:
The outstanding part of 'Picture of Grace' for me is the use of personification. Grace and delusion are like the hero and villain, both battling each other for supremacy. They are real people that have stamped their mark on the narrator. I like the format you have applied to this free-verse; it matches the lost, unsettled tone, and gives a visual aspect to the sense that this person is lacking direction. Your use of figurative language is a delight and I really enjoyed the following:
"like when Danielle discarded me
like a piece of a unlucky lottery"
Great simile! I like the way you use relatable imagery, that anyone can share in.
"I started to drift down a river filled
With sullen moans and provocative Chants."
Here you have named a bad choice a river -- what a great metaphor for taking the wrong path in life.

I like the way you isolate words and phrases to add to the impact. I could prattle on, but overall, this is a very well-executed poem. *Smile*

GRAMMAR/SPELLING:
These areas are perfect, and the way you have written this piece adds to the disjointed feel that the narrator exudes, and makes for a seamless read. Good job!

AREAS FOR IMPROVEMENT:
I have no suggestions for improvement -- everything is excellent!

FAVORITE LINES:(S)
"Delusion came along with a bag of
makeup and a serum to
tame my hair. He cupped my
face with his tainted hands
showed me the places to make myself
feel
like I held Grace in
the palm of my hand.
And when I gave myself to him,

completely.

He laughed,
and left.
And again, I had no weight to hold me
down."

I found it difficult to choose favourite lines within this poem. It is a story that evolves so every line is pertinent to the next. Still, the lines above are so effective and visual, and I had a moment when I read them. You make a very good point about hiding behind a mask, and how happiness can only come from within.

*Yinyang*This is a wonderful poem, and so rich with meaning. Thank you for sharing it with me!

Regards,
Mandy
Coordinator of The Lucky Leprechaun Raffle, co-founder of Passionate Mindscapes, group leader of Ink Blot Authors,and proud member of Rising Stars!

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" 


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