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This was a good introduction to your Main Character.

You used a lot of sensual description to make Julie's place come alive. I could imagine myself there. I got curious when Julie returned to her bedroom (?) with her breakfast and got all that painting stuff out of her closet. It's just not where I would keep such. That was a good way to intoduce her "work" (I assumed she's an artist or graphic artist) and that she's freelance by the interesting time she gets up. The way she sinks into her work shows that she's totally into it and enjoys it to act out her creativity this way.

It was cute how she turned into a squealing teen when Mandy comes to share the big news. Their friendship is deep and strong and Julie's just happy to be able to share this great moment with her. Nevertheless Julie seems to be the calmer, more controlled half of the pair while Mandy's the extroverted and expressive one. Nice contrast. Also during the conversation about the how and why some info about both characters' preferences and details of their past together came up, adding some flesh to them. Also you worked in the City of DC nicely into the tale.

Ha, when visiting NYC in 09 I had kind of the same thing as Mandy with her pretzels with a special hot dog seller in Central Park. He had the biggest, spiciest and yummiest sausages and real bread buns. I start to drool and I digress, sorry!

Julie however can also show her claws when attacked as the call shows. First she tries to stay friendly and neutral and to hide her annoyance. The more persistent the telemarketer is however the more difficult this gets. However, although she becomes curt and edgy her word choice is still polite and not derogatory. That hints at a good potential of dealing with and working out conflict.

That changes however when she's assaulted personally. It pretty riles her up like it would anyone. From then on there's an interesting "split" in her: "It's a crappy job - maybe he's just a bad day" vs. "How dares he? Who does he think he is?" Julie might be good at coping with conflict when she can't avoid it, but she not tends to actually seek it as her insecurity to report the call shows. It only needs Mandy's reassurance to do so that her still riled up feelings guide her to do it. After doing so she even seems to have a bad conscience, the diffuse feeling of having overreacted, although she had every right to and even must report the stranger.

Already on the phone one noticed how much Ray detests his job. He didn't get hired by Horizon to end up in the dead end, having to deal with rejective and annoyed customers when he actually wants to work in another branch respective feels he belongs into another. This opening situation set in motion a vicious circle: anticipating rejection and annoyance already, Ray acts the same and is proven right when customers reacts as such.

Hon, you know the stuff I'm writing. I'm not squeamish to put it nicely ;-D... however that restrictive American Rating Agency (and so the site rating) is. That means for an "18+" there are alone in this chapter at least six f-words too much. However I applaud you for squeezing all those six into one two line paragraph. Better change the rating to "GC" for safety.

The blurb to your book stirred my curiosity. What happened to Julie and Ray when their childhood ended? What is the call about that brings them together? Is it the one in this chapter? How will they react when they meet? I'm wondering if you might let me read the rest. *guileless smile*

I saw this was your NaNo 09. I'd be pleased if you'd take a peek at mine from last year, "BOUND " . There you'll stumble upon someone you already met, with the difference that he's an adult now.

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .