Hi,

I came across your item, liked what I read and would like to share my thoughts about it.


Plot: Dahlia Hart lets her marriage come to an unexpected end.


Style/Voice: 3rd person POV via Dahlia


Setting: Tennessee in the fall (nice!), restaurant, house


Characters: Dahlia has it all: loving husband, good life and outcome, friends.

Yet, all that the normal mortal is striving after, is shackling and slowly suffocating her. She's fed up with how she has to fake what she doesn't feel since a long time anymore to please others. She hates this feeling, wants to break free from it; yet, also fears to blow up her nice life; otherwise she wouldn't have kept the facade up for so long.

Although her regret for Eric and his fate seem true, she's also excited to be free and live life as she wants it, and not how others expect and dictate it. She feels strong, because she took her life into her own hands.

Although she "planned" impulsively, her behavior until the present is calm and calculated. She's like a predator who doesn't want to endanger its freshly caught prey, in her case her "new" life. So, she plays along (very convincingly!) and fools the others to keep it.

As a side character we meet Tara, her best friend, and total opposite: no luck with guys, a bit peculiar, simple-minded and a bit naive, not the prettiest, but a soul of a friend.




Grammar: Beware! Below I've pointed out, corrected things and made suggestions based on how I would've put things. However, I'm ESL, so you might not agree with everything.




... gushed Tara (...) for the upteenth time.

(...) that sunny golden afternoon, ...

Oh gawd, my Eric,exclamation mark (emphasises the shock) I found him (...) afterwards.

... just yet,(semicolon) there was life insurance involved.





Personal Opinion: I must admit that after reading the first part of the chapter I was a bit taken aback by the second part and the revelation it presented. Everything seemed perfect, but... I SO didn't expect that!

She did that so easily. She had absolutely no reason for doing that. Eric seemingly has never been bad to her in any way. I guess that also caused her mixed feelings. And this makes it interesting to see, if the reason is really only the one you provided.

This is a great example for how traiterous the facade can be, and how we can never really know who exactly lives beneath it... until they decide to show us their real face. Also about how perfection can turn destructive.

Your title is also a nice hint at it. Silent waters are deep? Do you say that in English too? We do in Germany. Also, it's a potentially ambiguous title, which is always good when it catches the reader's attention. I'm a sucker for such titles, as i know that they do exactly that when chosen wisely.

On a technical note, I very much liked the metaphors you used to contrast Dahlia and Tara, especially that of the painting and the frame.

Well, what can I say? You've won a new reader for your story!



Don't forget that I'm just someone voicing her opinion. You know best what's best for your story.

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .