*Magnify*
SPONSORED LINKS
BY ONLINE AUTHORS
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/my_feedback/action/view/id/3732632
Review #3732632
Viewing a review of:
 Liberty's Adventure- Chapter 1  [E]
This is the story of what one seemingly innocent kitty does when her family is away...
by Writer Wolf
In affiliation with Newbie Help And Support Group  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
*BalloonR* Welcome to WDC from "Newbie Welcome Wagon" ! *BalloonR*


Title: Liberty's Adventure- Chapter 1

Author: Writer Wolf

Type: Chapter


*BurstB* First Impression:

Oh sure, end it before you get to the big adventure! Well that is one way to force the reader to come back for more.

So far the story seems like something that both cat lovers and children might enjoy. The narrative has a youthful quality to it and there doesn’t seem to be an dialogue or action that might be wrong for young children, so that would work. I like that sense of naiveté within this tale, it sets the reader at ease, knowing that there will be nothing objectionable within the story.

I can see where you might write a series of these stories, different short tales on the exploits of Liberty and her family and friends. Each time the humans leave, off the cats go on another adventure, or you could add another dimension of fun and include the adults in some fashion. Maybe have the cats get in their way when they are working, etc. As you can see and imagine, there must be a lot of different stories that you could write. A lot of people on this site seem to like cats, so you should find a loyal readership.

So far there are no dogs, so I expect at some point they will encounter one or more. Whether it’ll be friendly or not, the reader will then find out, but it adds yet another possibility for your story.

While I like the story, it is somewhat hampered by a number of typographical errors. Those are easy to fix, first by using spell check and second, by reviewers like me, who will help you edit problems we see. You can also re-read your story, which will hopefully allow you to find other issues that you can correct. But definitely look into your word processor’s spellchecker.


*BurstG* Suggestions:

(Spelling, grammar, various other thoughts)

Hey, how about a few inroductions before I tell my story, 'kay?
Just a typo, you need “introductions.”

There is another female cat named Allie and a male named Tim.
I’d be more specific. While I know that you mean that they are also in the home with you, you don’t actually say that. To help the reader, I’d clarify that to make it clear that you mean that two other cats live in the house with Liberty and Puppy.

We go on many, many adventures toghether, but this particuar adventure was exeptionaly interesting
Three spelling issues here:
1.) You need to lose one “h” in “together.”
2.) You forgot the “l” in “particular.”
3.) You need a “c” and an “l” in “exceptionally.”

one of the humans saaid to me.
1.) I would capitalize the “o” in “one,” since it begins a sentence.
2.) You have one too many “a” in “saaid.” It should be, “said.”

"Depends on what you men by good,"
Instead of “men,” I assume you meant “mean.”

From under the chair I was lounging on, Tim giggled.
To make this a more complete sentence, I’d add reference to the subject from the previous sentence to clarify it, like this: From under the chair I was lounging on, Tim giggled at my witty response.

"I know," I said grinning misceviously
It’s a hard word to spell, “mischievously.”

"His fur is black,"I said
You just need a space after the comma.

As soon as we got together, we decided that we wold go out and explore the neighboorhood.
1.) “would” go.
2) “neighborhood.”
3.) The cats are inside the house with no humans around. How did they get outside to go and explore the neighborhood? You might want to give your readers and explanation how that is possible. You could even create a funny scene where are the cats stand two legged on top of each other until they can reach the door knob. Or something silly like that.

First, we went out to our favorite spot to hang out, a garage close to our house.
You could, if you wanted to, shorten that to, First, we went to our favorite hangout: a garage close to our house.

a group of triplet sisters who did every thing toghether
1.) I think it is one word, “everything.”
2.) Again, as earlier, you have a stray “h,” it should be, “together.”


*BurstP* Final Thoughts:

To properly review this story, of course, one should read the finished work. However, since I don’t have that luxury, I am limited to what now exists and to how you’ve set up the story for future chapters. The story is strong in charm and humor, but weak in spelling. I hate to harp on this subject a lot, but many of the typos here would be caught by a spell checker, and you’d have both a cleaner looking story, and my review would need to point out less mistakes that can be remedied right while you are writing.

I know the story will be a fun one, since it already is, but if you want it to fully shine, work on fixing the spelling glitches. Do that, and you will be pleased with not only the quality of your story, but the positive responses by your readers.




** Image ID #1833397 Unavailable **


 Invalid Item 
This item number is not valid.
#1717656 by Not Available.
   *NoteR* You have not yet responded to this review. Ignore
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/my_feedback/action/view/id/3732632