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Review #4072910
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Mother bird's love  [E]
Tetractys poem. Syllable count 1 2 3 4 10 5 lines
by Alexi
Review by eyestar~*
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
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*Fairyr**Delight*What a vivid image you portray in these few words. It reminds me of japanese form with limited words that allow the reader to enter into the experience with his own point of view. I can add my own details as to type of bird, where it happened etc. *Smile*

*Fairyr* I am not familiar with this type of poem but you have the correct syllable count and the weave is coherent in its flow and meaning.
I like the line order of lines 3 and 4. It captured my attention.

*Fairyr*I wondered why you have used a captial letter on "fledge" and "quietly" when they do not begin lines or are proper names. I like the contrast of the quiet bird to the singing mom. I wondered about using adverbs as I learned they are not as descriptive as more vivid words. Yet I do appreciate the sound of the word giving effect to the poem, and it fits your syllable count.*Wink*
It was fun to consider whether you meant the fledge quietly sat, or the mum sang quietly. and the fledge sat. A comma might help clarify.

*Fairyr*It is interesting that I saw the bird being quiet and content but in the last line he banishes his fear. If it is the mom who sings quietly and waiting for him to get moving... Wow. I am seeing lots of potentialities here. Cool.

*Starstruck* The poem is appealing laid out on the page and I admire you for doing the form. It inspires me to tryit out!

Keep the ink flowing and write on! Happy New year! *Confettir*

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