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Review #4248042
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by A Guest Visitor
Review of Things Unsaid  
In affiliation with I Write  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
Please accept my review in conjunction with "I Write [E]. Thank you for allowing me the opportunity to read and review your work.

First Impressions:
Wow! So much emotion and imagery packed into such few words! I'm torn for Amelia, and I feel a little bad for Christopher, too.

Specific Praise and Suggestions:
I can't believe how well you painted a scene in my head with such a limited word count. I love how you didn't reveal right away exactly what the universe opposed, and in fact, we didn't know for sure until the second to last line, when we meet the wedding planner. Fave moments:
cross between a sigh and a groan
voice turned icy
studied the lace tablecloth
hurt shining from her eyes
rigid back softened
stomach twisted into knots
words...resting on the edge of her tongue
swallowed her words


A few nitpick suggestions if you want them:
- Amelia muttered twice almost in a row; after "Maybe it's a sign," you could avoid word repetition and cut word count by eliminating "muttered" altogether: "Maybe it's a sign." Amelia instantly regretted the words.
- insert a space "Then again,she couldn't help herself." On a related note, that sentence may be unnecessary. You've already established that she can't help herself. Cutting it would save WC.
- "but inside her stomach twisted (opportunity to reduce WD if needed)
- "the words I don't want to do this resting" (consider quotation marks - maybe singles? around 'I don't want to do this')
- "So sorry I'm late." The wedding planner... (comma and lowercase t in "the")
- If you do decide to cut any WC and have room to add anything, one thing that was missing for me was that I never realized she physically touched the tablecloth, let alone gripped it, so it was a little disarming to find Christopher had to "pry" her fingers off. I thought she was just looking at it.

Summary:
*Heart* Gripping from beginning to end.

Cheers,
Michelle

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   *CheckG* You responded to this review 09/08/2016 @ 9:40am EDT
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