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Review #4263775
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by A Guest Visitor
Review of The Storm  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
*Bookstack3*Hi there, Marci.My name is Whiskerface*Cat2* and I just read your work. Here is what I have to say.

*Star*The Heart of the Story/Poem:
An individual's fear of the oncoming storm and concern that Jesus is not there.


*Star*Something To Think About
In the stanza after your second couplet, the switch in what language you use seems discordant. The first two lines use "ye" and "unto," which are older words. In the next two lines the language is more modern. In the third and fourth lines, you use a contraction instead of spelling out both words. I know you were counting syllables, but the contrast distracted me. Also, "cheerful" seemed out of place. To me, it suggests a type of perkiness that doesn't fit. Since it is not part of the prior quote, I wonder if that is a personal observation.


*Star*Punctuation/Grammar/Spelling:
The sentences in stanza one lack periods.


*Star*Things I Like:
Speaking as a Christian, I got a lot out of this. The story of Jesus calming the storm is a familiar one, but you focused it in a way that made it a good read. I enjoyed reading a first person account of it, and actually wondered if you had a particular disciple in mind as you wrote. Your use of language in the first stanza had a good rhythm and caught my attention. "Tempest" and "encroaching" are vivid and paint the picture well.

The emotional impact of the first couplet clearly shows the dilemma the disciple felt. Your use of questions works well to carry the fear held by that disciple. I also liked that you repeated the couplet later.

It also seemed the poem had more than one meaning. Not only does it tell of Jesus calming the storm, it also acts to show how we face other storms in our lives and can rely on Jesus to be present for us. There is also the idea of eternal life with Jesus in the final couplet, which answers the questions posed in the previous three couplets. I think it also alludes to the salvation message.


*Star*Other Stuff:
I liked the way you alternated between stanza and couplet, and how you packed a lot of meaning into each word. Your final couplet is my favorite. "Jesus is here; I will not die.
I have found Him; the storm passed by."


*Exclaimv*Disclaimer: If I ask questions in my review, I do not expect you to answer them. That is simply my style of reviewing, not an intrusion into your personal life. Remember, this my opinion, nothing more. Thank you for sharing your work with me. Keep writing! Whiskerface*Cat2*



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