Hello, Writer_Mike ! I'm Charlie. How are you doing today? I'm working on reviewing different WDC genres for the "Invalid Item"  and stumbled upon your story, "Black Friday? Not for Scott" . I hope this review finds you well! Thanks for sharing your writing with us.

First Impression/Hook: I chose to read this story because I remember the days of working retail Black Fridays and how crazy they were. For one of them, I had to go into work at 3 o'clock in the morning and there were people waiting outside our store on Wednesday when I left work. No Thanksgiving for them, I guess!

The beginning of your story was a good hook. It was like a crazy survivor tale of waiting outside a store in sub-zero temperatures, which people shockingly do all the time for Black Friday. I was interested in Scott's survival techniques and how he felt about everyone else dropping like flies.

Plot/Pacing: This is a 700-ish word story, so the pacing is super important. I thought you did a good job of introducing the plot and the main character to the reader. I could definitely feel a buildup as Scott was waiting for the doors to open at six in the morning. The buildup didn't really end the way I thought it would though. I'm not sure what I thought was going to happen, but I was definitely expecting some sort of conflict to occur when Scott finally got into the store. Instead, he quite simply got his item and everything worked out without any drama.

Characterization/Dialogue: I liked Scott's character. He was very believable, and the trepidation of the store's employees was realistic and familiar. The dialogue between Scott and the workers seemed a bit tense, but everything went smoothly, especially after Scott knew he was going to get his prized television and the employees knew that he had the means of moving it immediately.

My Favorite Part: I most enjoyed the beginning of the story because there were some handy survival tips in there. Ya know, just in case I ever decide to wait outside of a store in freezing weather for hopes of scoring a good deal on some electronics. I liked hearing about Scott's thought processes because it clued us in on who he was as a character.

Mechanics/Suggestions: As far as technical things go, I see no need for any changes here. The grammar and spelling is all fine from what I can tell. My only issue with the story is that it seemed to lack purpose or drive. The ending maybe tried to throw a little drama in there by telling the reader that a woman had thrown an ottoman and broken the last television, but that seemed to be just a random throw in at the end. I'd like to see some sort of drama building up to that. Maybe vaguely mention her a couple times throughout the story or give a bit of backstory on that.

Overall: All in all, I enjoyed reading this story given my experiences working Black Fridays. It gives a different perspective to see it from the customer's point of view. Thanks again for sharing your story with us!


Best wishes,


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My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .