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Review #4329406
Viewing a review of:
 
Tears and Lullabies From Heaven  [E]
Recount of the massacre at Wounded Knee
by Espero
Review by Jay O'Toole
In affiliation with  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
Thank you, Espero, for the privilege of reviewing your piece that is a mixture of poetry, documentary and essay.

*ButtonV*Overall Impression: This is a great bit of creativity. It tugs at the heartstrings. It certainly turns the old childhood game of "Good Guys & Bad Guys" on its ears. The old assumption is that WE are the "good guys" and THEY are the "bad guys." I have come to understand that Compassion for Others in the Truth is on the side of the "good guys" and Misinformation is on the side of the "bad guys."

*Pencil*Suggestions: I could see a whole series of cleansing poems that could be written to express grief over the senseless loss of life as well as the loss of fellowship between people groups, which is now known to be due in large part to the misunderstanding of heretofore unexperienced languages and unknown cultures. The provincial mindset has led to more wars and heartache in History than any other characteristic of the human personality, I think.

*Apple*Punctuation/Spelling/Grammar: Overall the structure of this piece with regard to English language rules is spot on. The following three examples gave me some pause due to the Comma Sense Class I took with Ms. Winnie back in January. (However, I still catch myself "second-guessing" my own comma placement even now after having performed well in the class.)

These examples beg the question as to the usage of the Oxford Comma. If Oxford says you're okay, then no sweat. However, the comma before the word, "and" was always a sticking point in the class. The comma after "children" in the second example was one that I had consistently used before the class, but now I more consistently strike it from usage.
"Men, women, and children alike."
"...kill men, women, and children, in the dead of winter?"
"...explore, invent, build, and expand."

I shall now leave this in your hands becauseeven though I make more Comma Sense these days, but it still feels a little tricky.

*Heart*What I Like: I like the fact that you do not make your point by railing against "the white man." Being a "white man" of European descent myself I feel great guilt for the sins of my forebears. At times I feel that I should apologize to every Native American I meet for this and myriad other incidents. We have great blood on our hands. I pray that we may be forgiven, especially as we endeavor to show respect to those, who have lived in this land so many more years than my ancestors.

Your piece gives insight without condemnation. For that I am truly grateful.

*StarB* A Rising Star Member to Member review.

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   *CheckG* You responded to this review 06/04/2017 @ 9:26am EDT
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