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Review #4331661
Viewing a review of:
 Life in a Bottle  [E]
One of my first short stories, really just looking for some feedback. Thanks so much
by Hachmagikosaurous
Review of Life in a Bottle  
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Rated: E | (4.0)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
Hello! My name is Stephanie and I am here reviewing your short story because I saw it on "Read a Newbie". I am also here reviewing this as part of the Dynamic Reviewing class. This is an assignment that I was pleased to finish *Smile*

Tone and Mood- The tone of the story is callous and bitter while yet optimistic. The world as it is in war is sad and depressing. This young boy has his mind to escape to and is a shimmer of light in the world. The mood is more of the same, depressing, sad, yet hopeful. A hope the boy could bring happiness to in the very least, his family.

Plot, Conflict, Structure- The plot was real to me. As if this could be a real place, a real time in history, or perhaps the future. The conflict is a couple different things, with the main focus on the family dynamic. The boys imagination and hopeful mind is his defeat. There is a feeling of sadness and curiosity about the boy. I imagine him as autistic perhaps. A child who can think of color and escape to the realm of his own mind in a time of much despair is saved for the select few. The ending, the conclusion, was emotional. There is a lesson to be learned from those who are different and from those who don't understand.

Characterization- Well done with the limited characters. While there is not much description, there is a vivid picture in my mind of the family.

Dialogue- The small amount of dialogue was not out of line or unbelievable.

Show! Don't Tell!- One of my favorite parts of the story. You show us the colors, and the lack of, throughout the entire work. From the colors in the boys mind to the end where the father had blood on his hand.

Imagery / Sensory Description- Visual concepts here. The interior of the house, again, the colors. Great job.

Suggestions- There were a few misplaced or missing commas I noticed in the beginning of the story. Some examples are: over again, Noah left to himself, he

I gave this story a 4 for the great work you did. It needs a little technical issues fixed but other than that, great job!

I enjoyed your story and look forward to reading more of your work in the future.

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   *CheckG* You responded to this review 06/12/2017 @ 4:26am EDT
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