Greetings from the White Walkers and the "Game of Thrones" ! I'm Tam, and I'm here to provide you some feedback.


First Impressions

The opening of this story caught my attention. A female bartender gets the news of a murder. It sounded as though it would open into some intriguing mystery, and headed in that direction without delay. I appreciate good mysteries, so I stayed until the end, hoping to find out who did it and why.


Best Elements

Interesting dynamics at play here. Several characters who are involved in the murder, and the question of 'why' the murderer did it.


Suggestions

The first section truly confused me. I was introduced to four (five?) characters in such a short time that I could actually feel my head beginning to spin. The constant name-dropping and switching between which names were dropped had me puzzled as to who went where and who did what.

So by the time I got to the middle of the story, I was not certain who had been murdered, or who had done what.

I think the main reason for this is the name dropping in the opening. I have an idea who Brenda is based off her introductory paragraph, but everyone else just flies past me. When I hit the end of the story, I had to scroll back up to try and see if I could figure out which one of the first suspects had done it, and who Jane was because none of them had made enough of an impact on me.


Overall This is flash fiction confined in a thousand words. Knowing that, I'm not too surprised that this is feels as though it was rushed. It's hard not to sound rushed when you're writing a story in so few words. For all that, I think you did a decent job. There was no real danger to the main character, which kind of took some tension away from it, but overall it isn't a bad read.


Keep writing!

~Tam






This review is in affiliation with "The Witch's House" . If you have time you can stop by my portfolio. Visitors are always welcome.