Bikerider has reviewed "Invalid Item"  written by Patrece ~

Hi Patrece ~

I'm reviewing your story for "Gang's Monthly Review Board"  I hope you find my comments on your work helpful.

Review of

Invalid Item  This item number is not valid. #2045666 by Not Available.

First Impressions:

I love this story.

Having struggled with depression, I was able to identify where the narrator was taking this story before reading very far into the reading--your descriptions are that good!




The title intrigued me, and it's perfect for this work. I like the play on words (Follow me to your place). But changing the last word to PEACE makes all the difference. Very good!

Your opening sentences present an excellent hook. What reader wouldn't want to read further to see where this story goes? Do you know me? Are you familiar with my ways? Can you control my effects upon your life? You may think you can, but rest assured, I'll find my way through all of your efforts. The dark tendrils of my grasp will slither through the protective barriers you have put in place. I will find my way through them all, in good time.

The tone of this story is as dark as the illness itself. I like the way you weave the illnesses symptoms throughout the story, taking the reader on an intimate journey through the horrors of the disease.

There are so many places in this story that resonated with me, especially this one: The dark tendrils of my grasp will slither through the protective barriers you have put in place. I can remember this feeling so well.

Grammar/Punctuation/Spelling:

I saw nothing in this piece that I could suggest changing. It's well written as is.





The word chilling comes to mind. You have written a story that will linger with me for a long time.

This is an excellent example of creative writing. Having struggled with the illness myself, I could feel the chills in my spine as the illness talked to its host, creating havoc with any thoughts of hope. This story resonated with me in a very big way--all positive.

Brava! Patrece. Anyone who cares for a person with depression would benefit greatly from reading this. I would give this piece 10 stars if I could.

Keep writing!

Bikerider







My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .