Nicely done.

The elegance of the prose was this story's best quality, I think. The opening nightmare and the murder scene were done especially well. You have a real talent for stringing words together.

A couple suggestions:

"...and twisted until there was a crisp snap, and light filled the room." might work better as "...and twisted until there was a crisp snap. Light filled the room."

"The fear abate." Shouldn't that be "abated"?

Dormond talking to himself was fine at first but strained my suspension of disbelief as it went on. Maybe change that to him thinking in italics?

Would the CEO of a company with only two thousand employees be able to afford a Manhattan penthouse?

The transition to him finding the bloody gown was a little clunky and sudden. Maybe some foreshadowing would help smooth that out. Something like, "If there's one thing that Alec had learned after building a successful company out of nothing, it was that dreams really can come true."

Thanks for the read. If you're interested in reviewing a story of mine, I'm always looking for feedback on a long three-part novella I wrote, "The Halloween Event" , but if that's too daunting, I'd love to know what you think of "Invalid Item" .



My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .