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Review #4436571
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by A Guest Visitor
Review of Happy Birthday  
Review by Emily
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
Hi Sally ! I'm stopping in to your port today to read and review your poem for your daughter called, "Happy Birthday." I figured it was a good choice to read seeing as it's WDC's birthday this week! *GiftY* *Bigsmile*

*StarB* What a beautiful poem you've written here! Thank you for your words and your emotion about your daughter growing up. I am 23, so this is not so far off for me that I couldn't imagine my own mother writing it for me. It is very clear how much love you have for your daughter and how scared you are for her going off into the world, but I know this is something all mothers (and fathers) feel when their children "leave the nest." My little sister just started her freshman year at college, so my parents are finally "empty-nesters." Ha! I imagine it gives parents a thrill and a nervous breakdown at the same time.

*StarG* The only edits I would suggest for this poem is the word everyday vs. the words every day. You use the word in both of these lines: "Still grows everyday." and "Love and friendship we share everyday." Both of these instances should actually be two words *Smile* The definition of "everyday" (one word) is ordinary, plain, commonplace, while "every day" (two words) means occurring every day. For example: "These are my everyday jeans; they're so worn out because I wear them every day!" Does that make sense?

*StarB* I also think your piece deserves another genre! Perhaps, emotional, personal, or experience?

*StarG* My favorite stanza of yours is pasted below. I can really feel your push and pull emotions.

My job is to love you, and then
Let you fly away.
I have this impossible task
But the pleasures outweigh.


Thank you for sharing your writing! Take care,
Emily

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