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Review #4460299
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by A Guest Visitor
Review of Where I Belong  
Review by Azrael Tseng
In affiliation with  
Rated: 18+ | (3.0)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)


Hi Dominique , I'm really glad I found this. Here's what I *Heart* about "Invalid Item"  --

1) Who doesn't like to read about love, quite possibly the most powerful force known to us? Here, it appears you've tried to capture and portray a woman's sensual attraction to another woman. Might not be appealing to conservatives/ religious types, but thankfully I'm moderate and male. Hehe.
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2) Okay, I always have difficulties with poetry like this one which seem to try to capture a personal experience rather than take the reader through a journey through the senses/imagination.

Since the first tag is lesbian/gay, I expected more insight into the homosexual mind, or at least more clarity that the persona is indeed homosexual. Is it possible to make this come across more clearly?

The lack of punctuation and unconnected fragments is probably a stylistic choice. I was unable to discern the intended impact/influence of this design, unfortunately (however, I am a very amateur poetry critic!)

I tried to feel the poem, instead of understand it. Certainly there are a lot of emotion words and descriptions in it. Unfortunately without a fixed image (I only got hourglass and alluring hips, neither of which is highly original or evocative to me), it was difficult for me to share the same feelings. Perhaps you could be a little more specific in describing at least one standout feature of the subject?
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3) Just a couple of parts that might need looking over again -- (my suggestions are in blue)

Elegance seeping from her pours (pores)
Word choice and juxtaposition is extremely important in poetry. Here, seep and pores don't complement elegance very well, unless you're trying to go for a contradiction effect, although I'm not sure what that's supposed to achieve.

question arise, can it be?
The question arises -- can it be?

I consider screaming of joy - frustrastion?
for/with joy - frustration?
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I'm sorry I was unable to get the poem the way the subject obviously moved you. Hopefully someone else will, or if you tweak it I'd love to check it out again. Thanks for a great read!

*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
   *CheckG* You responded to this review 01/05/2019 @ 9:28am EST
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