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Review #4466721
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The Gilded Wood prologue   [13+]
A beginning look into a world in which the woods are not to be trusted.
by Lilly Tupa
Review by Brooklyn
In affiliation with Reviews with Honesty  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)

Hello Lilly Tupa ,

I'm sharing my thoughts today as part of a group "Invalid Item" . I don't review well within template requirements but I'll try and hit on all the pertinent elements. :)

Characters: Charlie and Elie are instantly likable and their banter and realistic dialogue kept my attention. This isn't easy. Not everyone can write realistic dialogue so kudos to you for this talent.

Setting: The setting changes from inside a car to outdoors fluidly. I like the descriptions included of the surroundings. It paints a picture for the reader which also helps to draw me in and keep my attention.

Plot: This is a good prologue. It tells us just enough to peak our interests, let us get to know the characters and possibly yearn for more.

Grammar/syntax: I didn't see anything that stopped my reading. Most of what I did notice on the second reading was IMO stylistic choices. For example: "Charlie continued on without pause" could (should?) be written as continued without pause to remove needed words. That is not an error by any means though IMO. There is one line I would recommend a word deletion and that is within the sentence that contains "...Mom used to tell to me before bed." The "to" in that sentence is unneeded and actually trips up the reader. It reads more clearly without it. Beyond that, there is a moderate number of missing commas and a misplaced comma here and there. Nothing severe but could/should be addressed to ensure the reader pauses at the right juncture.

Creativity: While the 'haunted woods' may not be a new idea/theme, I felt this was well executed and as a more character-driven reader, I found this quite enjoyable.

Conclusion: I found the ending sufficient for a prologue. It left us wondering (which makes us read on) while giving us enough of a feeling for the characters and plot to actually want to turn the page and keep going.

Suggestions: I would suggest changing the primary category. Listing this as comedy seems a touch misleading. While this definitely has comedic elements, it's much more of a mystery or fantasy/adventure. Listing it in a more accurate category can bring in more readers. Perfect choice of item image though! That definitely caught my eye.

I'll be featuring this item in next week's Noticing Newbies newsletter. To sign up for site newsletters, go to [My Account] on the left side of the screen. Then choose [Account Settings] from the menu, then scroll down until you find [Additional Account Settings] then choose [Manage Newsletter Subscriptions]. *Smile*

A new signature from Kiya's shop. Thank you Kiya!

*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
   *CheckG* You responded to this review 02/07/2019 @ 4:42pm EST
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/my_feedback/action/view/id/4466721