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Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/my_feedback/action/view/id/4491950
Review #4491950
Review of The day before  
Review by Brooklyn
Rated: E | (3.0)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)

Hi there SW McClellan

I am reviewing your story as a judge for "What a Character! : Official WDC Contest" .

I will list anything that stands out for me and offer my opinion. I hope you find it useful. I appreciate you submitting your work and participating in this activity. *Bigsmile*

*BurstR* ...that was all most empty now (This should be "almost".)

*BurstR* Leaving me with nothing to do but ramble through the many rooms looking for what I couldn't name. (This line confused me. Are you saying he was looking for something but didn't know what? or was he looking for something that he didn't know the name of?)

Overall Thoughts:
It's difficult to write a story under 250 words. There is very little time to establish character and plot much less add a conclusion. You've done well in some respects establishing the main character and his situation. You did a succinct job of answering the prompt requirement. With that said, I don't feel you adequately supplied enough information to evoke emotion or paint a distinct picture of what's happening to the reader. Who is Jenner? Is it his child? Perhaps, someone, he was having an affair with? Did his wife die, or did she just leave him? As a reader, I'm left with so many questions. I know the requirements for What a Character had a word limit of 2000 so perhaps this was entered into another contest that required a much smaller word count. If not, I would have to say keeping the word count so low was a detriment to this story.

Thanks for entering and sharing this with us though! :)


Signature from Kiya's shop! Thanks Kiya!


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Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/my_feedback/action/view/id/4491950