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Review #4504434
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by A Guest Visitor
Review of Mr. Allen  
Review by Angus
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
*BalloonR* Welcome to WDC from "Newbie Welcome Wagon" ! *BalloonR*

Greetings, Leadwood!
This is different. I mean that in a good way, though. You did a good job of telling this tale of a housekeeper finding her employer dead in his bedroom, the spelling and grammar were good, and I like how you used the prompt words. But the ending was a little confusing (at first). After reading it a second time though, I think I see the irony of Linda having an obsession with having everything perfect (as in 'squeaky' clean—no pun intended), only to find out that mice were loose in the house and the python went after them and wound up killing Bruce.
Right?
That’s how I see it, anyway. Let me know if I’m wrong!
I know you were going for a surprise ending, and that’s definitely in your favor. That’s one thing Arakun the Twisted Raccoon loves!
One tiny niggle:
‘...with having everything perfect(,) made her a much appreciated...’ (don’t need that comma)
Kee ponw ritin gon, Leadwood, and welcome to WdC! If you like to write, then you’re going to love it here!
PS-You might want to get your bioblock (biography) set up so we can know a little something more about you (hobbies, favorite books/authors, location, etc.), but that's up to you, of course.
PSS-And since you’re new here, perhaps you’d like to check out "Noticing Newbies"  and introduce yourself to the rest of the community if you haven’t already.

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