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 Review #4516023 |
 |  | seven, actually  [13+] stream of consciousness about turning off your emotions  |
| (5.0)  Welcome to WdC from the "Newbie Welcome Wagon" Good morning, Charlie Carrol , and welcome to WdC. For the record, my real name is Jack Tyler, and I am a former steampunk author who has transitioned to horror, but I try to review a wide variety of styles and genres. While I have a few books in print, I am neither a famous author nor a renowned critic. I'm just a guy with an opinion that I'm here to share, and if you disagree with anything I say here, remember that the only opinion that matters is yours. I should explain that I use this review template in which I discuss my views on the important areas of quality storytelling, then compare your work to my own beliefs on the matter. As I said, I'm no authority, but hopefully my comments will give you some ideas to take your writing in directions you hadn't previously considered. Before I pitch in, allow me to offer a suggestion: Put a little of yourself into your bio sections. You will receive much more tailored reviews if your reviewer knows a little about your background and experience level. Let me just drop a warning here, and we'll get started. THIRD-PARTY READERS TAKE NOTE: SPOILERS AHEAD I believe this is my first review of a stream-of-consciousness work. I've been doing this for a while, and you'd think I'd remember something like this, so pretty sure it's the first. I have to say this reads a lot like free verse, though I'll have to read some more of them before I can make that a definitive statement. There is great power here, expressed by a character who is soured on life. There is also great pain, expressed with deep feeling. I can't go deeply into the grammar because the nature of this piece isn't really about the grammar. The grammar and punctuation are weird, but weird works perfectly in this context. Nothing is misspelled. The only piece of punctuation that is blatantly wrong is the hyphen in I don’t understand your emotions - they don’t work like mine. This should be an em-dash, thus: —. I'm not making a deduction for this, as it doesn't appear on the standard keyboard. I would recommend that you make a private static item called Special Characters of something of the like, and every time you need a special character, an em-dash, a copyright symbol, a fraction or the like, you google it, copy-and-paste the result to your Special Characters stash, and you'll always have it for the future times you need it. As far as I'm concerned, this is a five-star effort. You've expressed a dark personal philosophy in an incoherent yet perfectly understandable way without a major error to be seen. I'm impressed, and this rating will bear that out. You've done a fine job here. Your bio gives no clue to who you are, but if I can leave you with one thought to take with you, let it be this: Don't forget to have the fun! So many young and/or beginning writers get so caught up in the daily word count, the quest for publication, and the often conflicting advice of other writers that they forget to enjoy the journey. You may or may not become the next Big Celebrity Author, but you will always have the experience. Make sure it's a good one! Read well, and write better,  Jack Want to read more about my style and opinions? Become a regular at
A post-script suggestion: I considered reviewing "b&b bathroom" , but settled on this as the more relatable work. But I noticed you dropped a couple of F-bombs in that essay. I suggest you raise the rating to 18+ before one of the Moderators gets after you. Speaking from experience, that can be embarrassing and enraging all at the same time! My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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You responded to this review 12/01/2019 @ 10:18am EST