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Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/my_feedback/action/view/id/4540094
Review #4540094
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by A Guest Visitor
         Review for entry/chapter: "Invalid Entry" 
Review of Taming Drogon  
Review by Charlie ~
In affiliation with Under Construction: MHWA  
Rated: GC | (4.5)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
Hello ~Minja~ ,

My name is Charlie and I've selected your poem, "Invalid Entry"  by {suser_id:}, to review today per your review request. The following feedback is merely the opinion of a fellow writer/reader. Use what is useful to you and throw the rest away. *Wink*

*Tulipr* Opening Line & Hook: I really like the opening lines to this poem because they're specific to a place. I can look up Rue Montorgueil and see for myself what it looks like, which helps build the imagery even more. If you had just left it at "a Parisian cafe" it would have been too vague to really effectively build a picture. The flower girl across the street also helps complete the picture.

*Tulipp* Structure & Flow: Free verse, so no specific rhyming pattern, but the structure of the line breaks work well for a smooth reading of the poem.

*Tulipo* Poetic Devices: I don't see too much here in the way of specific poetic devices, but you did effectively use imagery.

*TulipY* Lasting Impression: As I've come to expect from your writing, there is a fair deal of nostalgia in this poem. I can sense the longing and the forlorn feeling that went into writing this. Having the recorded version below solidifies the lasting impression and it's great to listen to your accent and personal touches of reading the poem. *Heart*

My favorite lines were:
I curled my thoughts and fingers
'round the coffee cup

That's some cool imagery and emotion.

*Tulipb* Mechanics & Suggestions: There are a couple things that need corrections throughout so I'll list them here:
*Bullet* and observe flower girl across the street
and observed a flower girl across the street

*Bullet* that there's no enough of time/for us to be feelingly
not enough time
And I'm not sure what "feelingly" means here. Feelingly is a word, but doesn't work in this context.

*Bullet* in an attempt to hide frown mood
"Frown mood" isn't something that's said in english, maybe "bad mood" or "sad feelings" or whatever.

*Bullet* accidentally kick mine
kicks

*Tulipv* Summarization: Overall, a cool nostalgic and sad atmosphere to your poem. I liked it a lot. *Bigsmile* I know English is your second language (and you speak it very well!), so there's just a few areas that need editing. Thanks for requesting a review. Stay safe. *Heart*

Best,

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
   *CheckG* You responded to this review 03/29/2020 @ 3:17pm EDT
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/my_feedback/action/view/id/4540094