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Review #4544336
Viewing a review of:
 Morning Encounter   [18+]
This is my make out scene... but it is pretty tame.
by 💙 Carly
Review by Cadie Laine
In affiliation with House of Sensual Prose  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)

Introduction~
*NoteP*          Who are you and how did you come their piece? Did you see it listed on a specific page, or the description caught your attention. Did it remind you of someone or something?

*AsteriskV*NOTE: This review is only the opinion of one author. This review is meant to help and NOT hurt.

Personal Impressions~
*NoteP*          This piece has continued the couple well. They seem to be able to work together and have the elements of sensuality between them. You stayed within the word count although I don't see a make-out session between the characters.

Technical Aspects~
*NoteP*          There are a few places that might need to be tweaked in the way of wording. A flash of him laid out on his bed conjured images that were not g - rated Heat rushed through her body, remembering him laid out naken on his bed.
The contact was electrical dynamite. What is electrical dynamite? I understand the meaning of being a shocking explosion but you can't picture this one.
He rested his forehead against hers as the two of them tired to bring their erratic breathing back to normal. ...as the two of them tried to bring...he's tired and she's trying to get him to go home.
As he washed his hands to help her, she told him, “You’ll be on potato duty on Sunday. Aunt Stephanie will put you to work.”From what I understand from the story, Thanksgiving is coming up and there's an extra family that is coming in. Arlynn is already going but doesn't know this new family coming. Arlynn is already busy with dinner endeavor that's why she is telling Ryan what he's going to be doing. am I correct?

Conclusions~
*NoteP*          You've done well with your characters and their descriptions of the emotions that are between them. Watching them interact with each other has been fun to watch.

*NoteP* Thank you for sharing and Keep Writing!


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