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Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/my_feedback/action/view/id/4552910
Review #4552910
Viewing a review of:
 Overcoming  [E]
Fears can be overcome
by Lori J
Review of Overcoming  
Review by SB Musing
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
Hello Lori J !

I'm here with "Angel Review Forum for this review. You also entered into my contest for the May edition of "Inner Strength Contest . Let's get rolling!

Corrections/Suggestions

*NoteW* First impressions- The way this poem starts I can relate to it and I'm sure others can too. Who hasn't been weighed down by what they think others may think of them? You have a good sense of rhyme and rhythm with this poem that made it a smooth and enjoyable read. I would maybe say as a suggestion that you could focus more on the sensation/feelings that are created when this happens.

*Die4* Instead of telling us then you can show us how this feels within the poem. This is just a suggestion and I think it could strengthen it with metaphors to extend the message out.

*Sneaker4* The last stanza I felt like it can be reformatted and maybe played with if you wanted. With the assertions leading the first line I thought maybe this person added to the problem. But, then I took a different turn with them leading you to sharing and allowing the fear to dissolve. So, I would maybe play with the wording of the last stanza.

*Heart*Things Which I Enjoyed
I thought that the second to last stanza was strong and the beginning had a strong start to this poem. I really like how this poem is relatable and that I can attest to having similar feelings of being unsure what to say, keeping words locked up inside with no place to hide from it.

Overall Comments
Overall, this is a poem that does a good job in telling us the case of overcoming for you. I like how the person at the end lead you into a state where fear could dissolve with things. I wanted to thank you for entering my contest and I hope to see you again. Thank you for sharing and keep on writing! =D

The WDC Army Angels

*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
   *CheckG* You responded to this review 06/08/2020 @ 4:29pm EDT
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