Hello willwilcox !

I'm here with "Angel Review Forum"  for this review. You also entered into my contest for the May edition of "Inner Strength Contest " . Let's get rolling!

Corrections/Suggestions

First impressions- This was a fun, exciting romp into a whole another world with how you took on the overcoming prompt. I like how we open up with the murder scene and the details of it are on point. I feel like I'm there among the officers and you do a great job with descriptions here.

Small typo/puncutation error I found: Mr. Aadi. knew all the kids,

I think that the period after Aadi is not needed and might have happened by accident. Just a small fix for it.

Things Which I Enjoyed
Her eyes were wide, rolled back in her head.
This is a great opening to the start of your short story. We're put right in the action, but we aren't left scratching our heads about what happened. You open with the action of her murder and the description of what is left at the murder scene. Then, we take a turn with Jack and see later on that he is the one to find this girl and actually make some better of himself because of the officer helping him.

Overall Comments
Overall, this is a short story that dishes out a lot in a small bite of a size. You do a lot with the prompt and show us how overcoming looks like for Jack. We see his ending thoughts wishing that he found whoever did this in time to change their future. The only thing I found to fix was the one typo/punctuation error that I pointed out at the beginning. I wanted to thank you for entering my contest. I hope to see you again in future rounds of it and I appreciate you making my first round a success. Thank you for sharing and keep on writing! =D



My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .