Hello Elle - on hiatus ,

Congratulations on your ninth writing.com anniversary!!!!!!!!!


INITIAL IMPRESSION / OVERVIEW:
I loved your poem and suspect that you're a great mom with a very happy child.

I could picture your child opening gifts with joy and sharing hugs as I read your poem.

You did a nice job conveying emotion. I could almost feel the joy of motherhood and could definitely feel the joy of being just as happy... make that more happy ... for someone else as you would be for yourself had you received something of equal blessing yourself.

MORE DETAILED FEEDBACK:
Your poem is well written, flows nicely and evoked strong feelings in me as I read it.

My favorite part was the three lines about excitement almost bursting out... but a close tie are the 18th and 19th lines. So sweet.

If you want my two cents on how to make this lovely poem even better. Please read on. If not, just know that I greatly enjoyed your poem and stop here.

Oh, you're brave! While the first few lines set up for a contrast, I think, personally, that the poem would be better of without them. Then just delete the "but" from the next line and I think the poem would be more powerful and focused. That feeling of a parent's joy upon watching a child open treasured gifts isn't exclusive to parents who can afford lavish gifts so I think this change would also make the poem more relatable to a wider audience. Again, that's just my two cents. Take it if it serves you and please ignore it if it doesn't.

I didn't notice any mistakes of any kind in your poem.

CONCLUSION:
You wrote a lovely, relatable poem that I greatly enjoyed. Well done!

Thank you for sharing your beautiful poem with the writing.com community!

May love, joy and peace be yours in abundance!
PWheeler

*** WDC Angel Army Review ***



My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .