Hello Elle - on hiatus ,

Congratulations on your tenth writing.com anniversary month!!!!!!!!!


INITIAL IMPRESSION / OVERVIEW:
I greatly enjoyed your autobiographical poem about New Zealand and loved learning more about such an interesting, beautiful and diverse place.

I could picture some of the scenes (especially the nature ones) vividly.

The sections worked really well, with each being a distinctly separate thing but flowing naturally.

MORE DETAILED FEEDBACK:
Your poem is well written, flows nicely and increased my interest in New Zealand as I read it. It definitely made me want to travel to New Zealand even more than I had already wanted to!

My favorite part was this line: "send a soul-deep sense of peace." because that's something I crave. I suspect we all do. Sometimes I have it, but it seems the world's craziness always encroaches and it rarely lasts as long as I'd like. It also made me wonder of this part of New Zealand resembles Ireland? I've always wanted to visit both places. I've seen more pictures of Ireland though.

I wondered if you've done all the things and visited all the places in your poem?

I wondered how you did in the contest? I remember this prompt but I don't remember which contest it was in? One of the 18th WDC Anniversary ones, I suspect. I think Lilli did one about coffee and I totally don't remember what I did mine on. I suspect yours and Lilli's are the most memorable of the bunch.

If you want my two cents on how to make this lovely poem even better. Please read on. If not, just know that I greatly enjoyed your poem and stop here.

You're brave! Here are my suggestions... I hope you find them useful but if you don't, just ignore them! It's all good.

In section I, the last line, I think the poem would be better served with a period at the end instead of the three dots. It would give the whole poem more cohesiveness (all the sections would now end with periods) and make that sentence seem more final, which is in line with the word "fatally."

Actually, I'd get rid of all the ellipses... they work in conversational pieces but for some reason (sorry I can't explain) I think this poem would be better served with regular sentence structure. The ellipses feel off but I can't explain it.

In section XII I wondered if fush and chups are a real thing? That could just be my ignorance showing. I've never heard of them. But I have heard of fish and chips and wondered if it was a typo or a real New Zealand food? If it's real, maybe add a note at the bottom for folks like me who are clueless.

In section III, this part: "stocked with trout, tempting fishermen
and complacency." I would replace "and" with "to" because complacency isn't what's being tempted.. the fishermen are being tempted to complacency. If you made this change, it'd look like this: "stocked with trout, tempting fishermen
to complacency."

CONCLUSION:
You wrote a lovely, relatable poem that I greatly enjoyed. Well done!

Thank you for sharing your beautiful poem with the writing.com community!

May love, joy and peace be yours in abundance!
PWheeler

*** WDC Angel Army Review ***


My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .