Hello Lostwordsmith ,

Congratulations on your first place win of the most recent round of the Story Poem Contest!!!!!!!!!


INITIAL IMPRESSION / OVERVIEW:
I loved your poem and thought your use of the different colors for the different speakers was a great idea.

You did a fantastic job writing a poem that told a story. It felt almost like a children's book. I could totally see you making a children's book out of this and illustrating it with some of your beautiful artwork.


MORE DETAILED FEEDBACK:
Your poem is well written, flows nicely and evoked strong feelings in me as I read it.

I absolutely loved the themes of reconciliation and working towards unity.

I liked how you structured your poem.

I do have two little suggestions to make your super poem just a bit more super... if you're interested in constructive criticism, read on. If not, just know that I loved your poem and stop here.

Okay, you're brave! Really, they're little things.

1) In this stanza:
"Gwen slack-jawed, still in awe, hastily
complied, the little dragon soon was fed
its belly full it yawned and sighed,
then used Gwen's pillow for a bed." I would recommend a period after "fed" and capitalizing "its" (essentially splitting it into two sentences) because it felt like it was two sentences but was just missing punctuation/capitalization to make it truly so.

2) In this stanza:
"For the next few months, the dragon ate
and grew and soon was large enough to fly
Their real adventures started then
as they soared through the endless sky." I recommend adding a period after "fly" as it's clearly the end of the sentence and probably you meant for it to be there anyway as the next word is capitalized. This happens to us all. I'd want someone to tell me so the golden rule and all that.

Those two little things don't take away from the fun of reading your lovely poem though. I think you did a great job and I'm thrilled for you on your win!


CONCLUSION:
You wrote a fantastic fantasy poem that I greatly enjoyed. Well done!

Thank you for sharing your beautiful poem with the writing.com community!

May love, joy and peace be yours in abundance!
PWheeler








My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .