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 Review #4569170 |
 | Invalid Item  [] |
| (4.5)| Hello S. Serpent ,I'm Charlie ~ and I've selected your item, "Invalid Item" by A Guest Visitor , for reviewing today. The following feedback is merely the opinion of a fellow writer/reader. Use what is useful to you and throw the rest away.   General Thoughts: Can I follow these two to the red lands?  This contest is pretty difficult because you have a lot working against you- a word limit, dialogue only. How do you show rather than tell when you only have dialogue to work with? Well, you managed!You did a really good job of keeping it clear who was speaking by giving them different dialects and having them say each other's names just frequently enough to help the reader keep track. The plot itself was interesting too and I could definitely see these two characters in a longer piece of writing. They have a lot of baggage, to say the least.  Suggestions: There are only a couple things that I'd like to see in this story. I know there's a word limit, but you can use those words however you want. As a standalone short story, I'd like to know why Pete is dying of dehydration in the desert and also why he killed Sean. If you could manage to slip those in somehow, I think it would come across as a more 'complete' story. Conclusion: Overall, I think you've created two interesting characters here that have their own unique traits. I give you kudos for making the dialogue clear. There are a couple details that might add to the fullness of the story. Thanks for sharing your writing with us!Best, ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **  My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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