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Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/my_feedback/action/view/id/4569194
Review #4569194
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by A Guest Visitor
         Review for entry/chapter: "Invalid Entry" 
Review by Charlie ~
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
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Hello 🌑 Darleen - QoD ,

I'm Charlie ~ and I've selected your item, "Invalid Entry"  by {suser_id:}, for reviewing today. The following feedback is merely the opinion of a fellow writer/reader. Use what is useful to you and throw the rest away. *Wink*

*Icecream* General Thoughts: Well, well. Look whose anniversary month it is. *Delight* I really dig the concept behind this poem. Like, we're told to work so hard to become a part of the 'light' but what if we're really not coming home to the light regardless of the path we take because we don't belong there in the first place?

There's no rulebook for that one. I've definitely felt this way before and I'm sure many other kindred souls can relate. It really sucks when you put everything into something in an effort to be what you've been told you should be, only to have it crumble because it's not your natural state of being.

*Icecreamb* Suggestions: The above got me thinking and I'm not in love with the second line here. Is it really 'getting home' if you were never in the light? Getting home implies that you're going back to some bright place is your past, but does that bright place even exist? Or is it more that you're trying to uncover the light that you've been told should exist if you follow the highest path?

I'm thinking:
I took the highest path
to uncover the light

or something like that. Unless you do want to imply that you're trying to go 'back home' to something that existed in the past, but the last lines don't align with that sentiment.

*Icecreamv* Conclusion: Overall, a cool concept behind this poem. Thanks for giving me something to dig into a bit. *Smile*

Best,

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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
   *CheckG* You responded to this review 09/05/2020 @ 9:56pm EDT
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