Hello dreamscriber ! I am judging this story on behalf of The Talent Pond, and also as part of an assignment for Birthday Bingo to celebrate Writing.com's 20th birthday.

My Thoughts: You state this is a children's story. I see nothing in this story that would appeal to a child, of any age. The language to me is stilted, that is to say, too formal to appeal to a child. It doesn't read fun or playful to me, unless you are marketing this as a parody.

My Suggestions: I would rework this to make it more appropriate for children if that is your market. If not, then change the genre of the story. Perhaps I would reconsider some of the vocabulary. For example: the superior social class ? What does that have to do with this story? I didn't think this fit in at all.

These are my thoughts. You have your own style and you'll have to decide what works best for you.

Welcome to Writing.com!








My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .