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 Review #4569732 |
 | Loretta's Abduction (first update)  [E] A canine alien abduction  |
| (4.0)  Greetings, lezismore-moreislez! I discovered this piece on the Please Review. How could I resist an alien canine abduction???  First of all, my reviews are intended to be helpful and encouraging, not hurtful in any way. Use what you feel works for you, and leave the rest.What I Liked  I adore that you named your dog Loretta! It's definitely got character! This made me chuckle: (chocolate does not seem to have the same harmful effect that it has on most dogs I have owned in the past). Your humor seems very natural, not forced at all. I loved reading this! What a great story about a dog who was abducted by the aliens (or was she?)  You are a wonderful storyteller!Suggestions to Consider Pararaph 5: A blinding light filled the livingroom then slowly dimmed then vanished.  A blinding light filled the living room then slowly dimmed until it vanished. Livingroom should be two words--I make this same error a LOT!  Also, to avoid the repetition of 'then' (you have it three times in a short paragraph), I replaced the last one with 'until it' as an option to consider.  Paragraph 8: the Television screen the television screen No need to capitalize the T. Paragraph 9: They gave me a curious look and but agreed They gave me a curious look but agreed I'm guessing you meant to choose one or the other and ended up typing both without realizing it. Paragraph 14: hanging in the Living room hanging in the living room No need to capitalize the L. Paragraph 18 if she knew of anyway that if she knew of any way that I believe in this case, 'anyway' should be two separate words. Paragraph 26: When I finally came too When I finally came to to, not too Paragraph 30: my wallet had gone my wallet was gone Pararaph 32: I despair that may never I despair that I may never (forgot the word 'I'. )Final Thoughts I loved reading this! I would have rated it higher except for the typos. If you make the corrections, I will be happy to up the rating. Just let me know. Have a great day and... K e e p on W r i t i n g ! Cubby ")
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You responded to this review 09/08/2020 @ 12:48am EDT