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Review #4569785
Viewing a review of:
 The wondrous night  [E]
It is about my connection to the night.
by Amber
Review by Charlie ~
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (2.0)
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Hello Amber ,

I'm Charlie ~ and I've selected your item, "The wondrous night"   by Amber , for reviewing today. The following feedback is merely the opinion of a fellow writer/reader. Use what is useful to you and throw the rest away. *Wink*

*Icecream* General Thoughts: I love the way you write about being in nature at night. It reminds me of being outside as a kid and enjoying the expanse of midnight sky overhead. I do think there are healing powers in nature, especially when we just need to be alone to think or escape everything else going on in life or the world. I think you captured those healing aspects of being alone in nature in this poem. It definitely feels like you can just walk away and start over fresh when you're in nature sometimes.

*Icecreamb* Suggestions: Here are a few things to look into if you choose to edit this poem:

*Bullet* i gaze into the night
You have a few different spots throughout the poem where you're not consistent in capitalization or grammar. I'm all for stylistic choices in poetry, but they need to be consistent throughout. If you want to add punctuation and capitalization, or leave it out altogether, that needs to be reflected throughout the poem.

*Bullet* Time has no meaning, the clock has stopped ticking
beauty around me
but i am alone
The reason I pull these lines out is because they're a good representation of the line break issues in this poem. You have some lines that are really long, some that are really short. That can be a great thing when it's used to make an impactful statement. Unfortunately, that's not really what I'm seeing in this poem. It seems like the line breaks are just random, some long and some short, with no underlying purpose or thought behind them. That disrupts the flow of even a free verse poem.

*Bullet* Other than that, I've noticed that the poem is a bit repetitive:
but i am alone
no one there but me
Have nothing and no one
for i am alone
i am free i am alone
nothing no one but me
This is way too many times and ways to say that you're alone in such a short poem. *Pthb* The reader understands from the first mention that you're alone. If you wanted to emphasize it, you could do so through imagery without directly telling the reader again that you're alone.

*Icecreamv* Conclusion: Overall, I like the thought behind the poem and your passion for nature. I do think the poem needs to be edited quite a bit to reach its full potential. Welcome to the site and thanks for sharing your writing with us. Let me know if you need anything.

Best,

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   *CheckG* You responded to this review 09/07/2020 @ 3:51pm EDT
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