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 Review #4570116 |
 | The Man Behind Me  [GC] Evolette wanted a quiet life, but the man that keeps appearing behind her has other ideas.  |
| (4.0)  Greetings, Sylyra! I discovered this piece in the Newbies Work List page. I also noticed you are new to WDC, just over two weeks. Welcome! I hope you are enjoying the site! If you have any questions, please feel free to ask.  First of all, my reviews are intended to be helpful and encouraging, not hurtful in any way. Use what you feel works for you, and leave the rest.What I Liked  I'm already hoping you are going to continue this nail-biter.  You create edge-of-your-seat tension! Well-written. Clean. Clear. No typos, great spelling!Suggestions to Consider Paragraph 16: Come on you coward!  Come on, you coward! When addressing someone, always include a comma. There are a few other areas similar to this that you'll want to consider, too. Final Thoughts As I read through this, I wondered how it would be if it was written in present tense instead of past. That way, the reader feels like they are taking part in the main character's current emotion. Just a thought. Also, I wondered about changing the POV to 1st Person. This, of course, is only something to play around with, have fun with experimenting. I remember changing a story to present tense once, after someone recommend I try it, and it was exactly what that story needed! Also, in 1st Person POV, you wouldn't need all those dialogue tags to Evolette's thoughts. Anyway, something to consider. Other than that, I feel you have a great story going here and I hope you continue on with it. Have a great day and... K e e p on W r i t i n g ! Cubby ")
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