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Review #4570322
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Rated: | (4.5)
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Greetings, Violet! I discovered this second chapter of yours in your portfolio, to my thrill after reading the first exciting chapter. *Smile*

*Quill* First of all, my reviews are intended to be helpful and encouraging, not hurtful in any way. Use what you feel works for you, and leave the rest.

What I Liked

         *Bullet* So now the blonde guy enters the scene and he's human, which puts a new spin on things since he's able to see the Open sign and all the dead people working and living in the hotel! *Shock2* Now what? Can't wait to find out! *Wink*
         *Bullet* You keep the reader interested throughout the chapter!
         *Bullet* A favorite line: Now, Tatiana, why don’t you tell me why it is you looked like you’d just seen a ghost when I walked in here?” Loved this! *Bigsmile*
         *Bullet* Another favorite line: I was always a bit shy, but when most of the world can quite literally look through you and not hear you when you scream as loudly as you can, the desire for attention creeps in until it carves out a hollow space in your heart that never really gets filled.
         *Bullet* Nice ending to this chapter, too. I've already got my eye on Chapter 3! *Smile*

Suggestions to Consider

         *Bullet* Paragraph 9: “Well I do have eyes,” he chuckled *Right* “Well, I do have eyes,” he said, chuckling
         *Bullet* Paragraph 19: “I certainly do use a guest book Mr. Ivanov. *Right* “I certainly do use a guest book, Mr. Ivanov. Consider using a comma to address someone. *Smile*
         *Bullet* Paragraph 22: “you know *Right* “You know
         *Bullet* Paragraph 26: as rolled his eyes *Right* as he rolled his eyes (left out a word *Wink*)

Final Thoughts

         Like your previous chapter, everything flowed nicely and you kept me reading! I do hope you continue with this. I've really enjoyed it so far!


Have a great day and...*Quill*
  K e e p on W r i t i n g !
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