%%USERNAME%%    %%ACCWORDS%% %%ONOFF%% |
 Review #4577484 |
 | The Red Chair  [E] Flash Fiction  |
| (4.0)   A Harry Potter Review Greetings, QueenNormaJeanGreeneggs&vegham! I am reviewing this because I am part of the "Invalid Item" Group. My ultimate goal in this fantasy genre flash fiction story is to describe what I like, what I think needs improvement, to share useful suggestions, and give you my overall view on the item.  My reviews are intended to be helpful and encouraging, not hurtful in any way. Use what you feel works for you, and leave the rest. Visually appealing ~ Well-balanced paragraphs with decent amount of dialogue. Looks great!  Easy to understand ~ I had no trouble following your story.  First Impression I was grabbed right away with the red chair and the red clock in the otherwise drab, empty room. The lone, red chair in the middle of the room and the red clock popped out as everything else in the room faded into gray for me. It sort of reminded me of those black and white photographs where only one thing is red (or perhaps a different color other than red.) I've always been drawn to those photos that pull your focus into one area. Character(s) I can feel the hesitation of the main character as she stands in the doorway, staring in at the strange set up. The instructions are clear to her and she is willing to take the risk because the reward will make it worth it. At this point, the reader is curious as to what the reward is and continues to read, hooked. The character appears to be a normal person, a little afraid and anxious to proceed, though she does. As this is a flash fiction piece, it is nearly impossible to offer much background information about this character, which is understandable Plot The main character receives instructions ‘Go into the house. Find a red chair. Sit in the chair.’ Though somewhat anxious, she follows the directions, willing to take the risk in order to reap the reward. This is a good plot as it keeps the reader reading. The reader is hooked. What is this reward that is worth the risk? The reader is curious and continues to read on. Is there anything I would change about the story itself? First of all, I realize this is flash fiction and you've packed in a lot in only 300 words! Wow. Amazing. I'm not sure how you could squeeze much more into this little piece, but if you could, I'd like to know more details such as why she would risk this move to follow instructions on a note with no idea who wrote it. What is the risk and what is the reward? Of course as the reader continues on and some of her answers are revealed by the ending, there are still a few unanswered questions. Many times with flash fiction, it's up to the reader to determine the outcome because of the limited word count. Suggestions In Paragraphs 2 and 4, you've repeated the phrase thought about this for a moment. You might consider rewording/replacing one or the other. A few options to consider: I pondered further (for Paragraph 4) or I stood, analyzing the situation for Paragraph 2. Repetitive phrases sometimes weaken the writing. Just something to think about, anyway. Also in Paragraph 4: I thought about this for a moment, But decided the risk was worth the reward. You don't really need the comma as the word but works in place of it. Also, you've capitalized the B in But, which is also not needed as it still is part of the sentence. I'm sure the capital B was unintentional.  In Paragraph 9: “The face of what?” I'm pretty sure you meant race instead of face, since the dialogue above this paragraph says “You have been chosen to bear the race of the colorless.” Unless you meant it the other way around... face instead of race? Either way, I'm pretty sure you meant it to be the same word--either race or face. What did I like most? What stood out? I love the color-popping visuals this little piece is filled with! So much colorful description not only with the red chair and red clock, but the woman with the long white hair and purple eyes. Even the phrase race of the colorless brings such a strong image to me. And also the part where she delivers a blank child! What a grand imagination you have! I would absolutely love to read a longer version of this flash fiction! Have you thought of expanding it? It's a real attention-grabber! Have a great day and... K e e p on W r i t i n g ! Cubby ")   My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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