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 Review #4583888 |
   |  | ruwth is writing...  [18+] I will be adding stories & reflections as time marches on. Take a gander today!  |
| (3.5)| Hi, ruwth ! Overall +/- :My thoughts on the piece as a whole... It's a pleasure as always to drop in and read your work. I'm here to share my comments on your short poem as a fellow participant in "I Write"! I'll jump right in.  Rhythm & Flow:Whether freeverse or tightly-structured formal poetry, flow is paramount. I enjoyed the flow of those first few lines! They felt dramatic, powerful, and significant: God / I cry out / for intimacy / with you. The enjambment made sure I paid special attention to the weight of the words on each line. The following eight lines clearly communicated an idea, but they didn't flow quite as well because, to me, it seemed that they were saying more or less the same thing, just using more words.... words which weren't quite as impactful as the ones in your first four lines. Language & Word Choice:Because poetry is one of the briefer art forms, every word matters. In a short poem of approximately ~35 words, you use the verb "know" four times. Those opening lines—a moving prayer for closeness, also imply a desire to know. Though the following lines give name to the trinity and express the fact that God knows his children, I ultimately didn't feel they added a meaningful amount of information to those first four lines. The poem started strong, and I hoped it might truly explore the desire the speaker has to understand her God or detail the methods by which the speaker wished to get to know Him. The poem is solid, but it felt redundant. Then again, I understand that you were tasked with a very difficult thing: writing a poem without the letter 'e'! So I can see where it might be tough! Things I liked  :Sometimes phrases or lines jump off the page.   I enjoyed those first four lines—short but heartfelt, with really powerful word choice in "cry out" and "intimacy."  I loved the honesty of this poem! Suggestions:Take them with a grain of salt. I noticed you took the more traditional route of capitalizing each line, which gave me pause but makes perfest sense for a more traditional poem! I saw no spelling errors, but the repetition prevented me from fully engaging with the poem. In Closing:Any final thoughts... I think you did an excellent job of writing a poem without the letter 'e'! That's a tall order, and you succeeded.  As always, please know that my feedback is subjective. You're welcome to take anything you find useful and discard anything that doesn't align with your vision for this poem. Thank you for sharing your work, and...Write On!  My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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