*Magnify*
SPONSORED LINKS
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/my_feedback/action/view/id/4600341
Review #4600341
Viewing a review of: {citem:}
Review of  
Review by BariRandom
Rated: | (3.5)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
This is a great little flash fiction story! I have heard similar complaints from people with curly hair, so it's definitely relatable.

My comments are below. Feel free to take them or leave them. I'm no expert, just a girl with an opinion.

- Ending a story with a "I woke up from my dream" ending is usually pretty weak, though the way you used it I think it should be fine. It's mostly a bad idea when there's this really intense and dramatic conflict and the ending is "and I woke up everything is fine!" For yours, since it's the resolution that was the dream, I feel like it works.

- The sentence "It comes out more looking like you got it caught in something and it froze. Stiff" is difficult for me to picture. I feel like there's a better simile comparison to use here that can help paint a more clear picture. I personally have never gotten (or seen) hair stuck in something and frozen.

- The sentence "It doesn't even look on right" tripped me up a little. Your following sentences clarify that the hair looks like it's crooked on your head- "my face should have been where my right ear is." Maybe referencing a misplaced wig will help to concisely get this idea across.

- A few typos/grammatical suggestions-
         Paragraph 1: "I need help with my hair. Natural Naturally curly."
         Paragraph 3: "Unless your you're natural, (no comma) looks..."

*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
   *NoteR* You have not yet responded to this review. Ignore
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/my_feedback/action/view/id/4600341